I've lost it, on Wednesday.

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My mother and I had a miss-communication about money. She decided to f*****g pay me out and that really pissed me off. I've been getting more depressed with each week, since I've quit my janitorial job at the bumper place. Janitorial work isn't really my thing, I'd have to admit. However, I feel like a loser idiot ret*d, without a job to look forward to going to, at least three days a week. I've even blurted out to the bank teller that was dealing with me, that either I go into Labour Unlimited, twice a week, or else my life will end, forever. My mother walked into the bank, as I was crying, after I've confessed to that bank teller, that I'd rather be dead, than unemployed, and than Mother asked why I was crying. I've made up a white lie and told her, that they were having trouble putting money into her account, without her presence. I'm afraid that my mother has already found out the true reason that I was crying, or that she's going to find out, very quickly. I did have a really good day, yesterday. I went into Labour Unlimited, I was sent to the London Drugs warehouse, and I've enjoyed myself, because I was being a very useful member of society. Having such a place to go to makes me happy. Working makes me happy. The $60 cheque that I've picked up, after my 8 hours of working was just the added bonus. Money is wonderful, but I like the idea that I'm working, making myself useful to the job site that I'm sent to, and helping out the community, by helping to make sure that the products get to the right store, on time, therefore, making the customers who shop at the many different stores happy. That makes me happy. I'm going to wait a few months, before I confess to my mother that I'm going into Labour Unlimited. She thinks that I'm taking a break from work, and she gets upset, every time that I tell her that I've dropped another resume.

I'm now debating, whether or not I should phone my mum.

Do you still feel suicidal?


At least you aren't putting pressure on yourself to be famous or go to school or anything.


PS: I also have breakdowns in banks! I've had two in the last few months!

Even though you dont feel useful in real life I am sure you are. You have been very helpful and kind to people here too, sid. I hope you find a job more suited to you soon though.
good luck wiuth everything.

I get into similar situations of miscommunication at times. Like yesterday, when there was a bit of miscommunication between me and the cable company that supports the university. The only exception was that the tussle for me was happening over the phone. However, the problem was solved because the repairman showed up and I'm not going to have to pay the repair bill directly.

I know the feeling. Feeling useless and helpless is horribly disempowering. Things will get better if you let them. There are times when I've felt on top of the world... and others when I have been so low as to not want to continue living. Try and get nearer the former if you can. YGM, by the way.

I've read all of your posts, and I thank you for all the encouraging words. I don't feel suicidal, anymore. I'm going to Labour Unlimited, twice a week, until I'm well enough to look for a real job. A person can say silly things during a job interview, if their out of it. I'm working on getting nearer the former, as well. I'm not holding any more grudges, and I've decided that I'm spending the night with my dog, at my mum's place. Somebody in my Toastmaster's group said his inspirational philosophical bit, last night.

Live life for today
Don't hold any grudges
The past is water under the bridge
You have today, but that's over
You have the future to look forward to
Make your future a good one

I understand what you're talking about; work is really therapeutic.

I got lucky and stumbled onto a job I really like. Not high status or nothing, but I like the work I do. It's great when you don't mind going to work.

Hope the same thing happens to you.

I'm feeling much better. My mum and I just had popcorn together, while we were watching Ghost Whisperer. I couldn't watch the whole episode, though. It was about a bunch of dead American soldiers and I don't believe in war. I have nothing against Americans. I just don't believe in war.

I've been working on some art, this evening and I feel great. I think that my mum and I will go grocery shopping, tomorrow.

I've decided to find a different way to make money. I'm doing some artwork and submitting it to deviantArt, while at the same time, making magnets to sell to people, in the mall. My mood has picked up, since Wednesday and also since Friday, as well. I've also realized how many silly things I've posted about the NTs in my life. The thing I've posted, about wanting to turn my mum into a spinning lady was pretty nuts.

thats a good idea there cockneyrebel, can you send me link to your deviantart page??? how much have you made so far selling buttons?

Have you thought about applying at department stores? Atleast on my side of the pond people are getting ready to start buying presents so all of the stores are hiring.