Depression, jealousy and resentment

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Hello all,

After browsing through these forums, I'm amazed at how many Aspies are unhappy in their lives. I guess I'm not alone, which is a nice thought. I've seen talks about suicide, stories of difficult adolescence and struggles with life in general. But I find it very therapautic reading through this forum, as I often find people on here who are having similar frustrating times to me. I can relate to them; I have a sense of belonging. The advice they are given can be also applied to me.

Yet, when I look at how happy my NT friends are and everything they've accomplished, I cannot help to feel resentment or jealousy. Maybe its just being human, but it seems jealousy partially is causing major unhappiness for me. But it seems even when there's no reason to be sad, I just am... I can't snap out of it. I'm an emotionally fragile person.

I'm always doom and gloom, constantly negative and depressed. I recently discovered that the major difference between my NT friends and myself (and maybe many other aspies on this site too) is that they are optimists and I am a pessismist. They are active and I am passive. I can't help it, maybe it's just the way my brain's wired up, but I'm always down and fatigued.

It's a shame so many aspies seem to have miserable lives. I guess that's the result of being the black sheep, being different. You're different, and there's nothing you can do about it. We are often told by society that it's good to be an individual, and yet, many aspies are not allowed to be themselves.

Sometimes, I really wish I was 'normal', like everybody else, but if I was NT, I wouldn't be the "sweet, quiet" boy I am in this "alter-ego". I know many of you take pride in your uniqueness and resent the idea of being "cured", but I sometimes wonder if my uniqueness and intellectual gifts are worth giving up to just fit in and have a normal, happy life.

Maybe the thing I should do is try to get an official diagnosis. I went through the first twenty years of my life not even really knowing what autism was, and I never expected that I'd have a "syndrome". Yet I knew I was the black sheep, that everyone else had something that I didn't. After reading some of Tony Attwood's work and about autism in general, I am almost certain that I have an ASD. My counsellor even recently said to me when I mentioned to him that I might be autistic: "That's what I thought when I first met you, but because you'd been through the school system, I thought someone would've picked it up. I thought you just had a quirky personality."

Hiya,
There's a lot of interesting points in your post!

I have no answers as, like you say, I'm one of those who'se been miserable and negative for much of their adult life too - it's still an issue. However, since being diagnosed with AS, I feel I have a vital clue to my future well being. First, I have to work with how MY brain is wired up, not that of the majority. One of the big questions is how far to go in learning the NT ways. I guess the answer is somewhat different for all of us. I do know that constantly trying to be 'other' has proved (for me) a big, big mistake.

I'm not convinced that the high levels of depression amongst AS people is a direct symptom of the errr.. 'condition'. I suspect it's the end result of trying to get along 24/7 in a human social world that has evolved to meet the needs of a different neuro-condition. I'm sure if 99% of the humans were AS, we'd be far happier and the 1% NTs would be totally suicidal. They'd hate being rated by skills alone, rather than verbalisation and trend-following ability

BTW A key thing about NT's is that they're good at hiding stuff and putting on an act. There are huge amounts of people diagnosed with depression every year. The majority of these must surely be NT! They also feel huge amounts of jealousy and resentment, too.

Good luck with whatever course you take.

You should get yourselves some ADD/HD
I think my ADD/HD is what gives me a boost every so often, even several times in a day.

I honestly tend to slip into the 'moment' and forget about my life in general.
I find happiness in goofing around the house with just myself, and in posts here.

I'm glad you find solace in this place. Hope over time Wrong Planet can actually help each of us gain more and more happier times in our lives.

Wtf is the difference between AS and a quirky personality?

AS is related to Autism. It isn't just about the social problems, but it is also about the increased focusing ability to the point of obsession. The latter is the good thing about having AS. AS is a gift and a curse.

For so many years, there was just something about me that just didn't feel right. As I got older, I fell behind my peers, and now, I'm a hermit that's depressed and blue and with a lousy first job that I should've gotten done and over with years ago (thank goodness it's only part-time).