Apollyon takes a poo on lousy drivers.

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I am sick and tired of people who believe that the roads are their own personal race tracks. Twice today I was nearly sideswiped by people passing me on a two-lane road cutting through hills, tight curves, and zero visibility. If the latter vehicle had indeed collided with mine, yours truly would have been sent soaring into a ravine. Later on, I watched as a speeding car nearly hit a construction worker. This is getting on my last nerve.

I'm not talking about driving a few miles over the speed limit. I live in an area undulated by hills, creeks, boulder-strewn fields, and dense flora. The speed limit in most areas is 35 mph- and I would only recommend that speed if you drive a Ferrari. What's more, because there are so many twists and turns, it is impossible to see that far ahead. People insist on driving anywhere from 50-80 mph. Not to mention the affluent motorcycle brigade and weekend dumb-butt campers who seem to have no comprehension of this thing called "velocity".

As such, the highway is rural so you can expect a fair amount of cars attempting to pull out of their driveways, road work, and sometimes even escaped livestock. This is not a freeway, people!

Every time I leave the house I feel like I'm dodging bullets. Only the bullets are jerks who think they're in Nascar, jerks on their cell phones, jerks looking for stuff in their glove compartments, and jerks who cut across four lanes on the freeway during rush hour. Another strange and irritating phenomena is young folk who stop at the stop light- and then all four or five passengers get out of the car and run circles around the car (on a busy street, no less) until the light turns green.

I almost want to say, hey cops! Don't pull people over for driving like morons. Let them fly off a cliff, so that there is one less crappy driver in the world. But that's silly, because in the end It's everyone but the crappy driver who ends up having an accident.

That being said, this being rural and all (read: middle of nowhere) there are no traffic cops. No radar. People do as they please without consequences, and much to the chagrin of the drivers who aren't behaving like irresponsible maniacs.

Excuse me as I go have a heart attack. Today was too much excitement for one day.

Keep a bag of marbles in your car. The next time this happens, start throwing them at their feet. It's instant amusement as you watch them all fall over themselves.

And don't forget the banana peels!

Tim

Cute. Or you can keep a shotgun and pull a Cheney.

In any event, I feel you pain on the driving issue. So many people aren't fit to be behind the wheel, and if you have a tendency to obsess over road related things (I do that -- a LOT. But probably only because I spend 100 minutes a day on the road -.-) you're going to tend to notice it all. I hate the people that say "It doesn't concern you, let them do what they want."

That's nonsense. The person passing me very dangerously at twice my speed is a danger to *me* ... They must be stopped. Furthermore, the people occupying all three lanes of a major highway going 55 mph (the "speedlimit," but seriously the left lane should be going about 70) are also concerning me.

Everyone on the road concerns us -- I don't care what they are doing. And we have every right in the world to hate them for it

(My last post for the night. I have no idea if this made sense)

I'm of two minds on this. Where I grew up it was totally flat farmland where the roads just DID NOT CURVE. I remember the first time I had to follow a bend in the road I almost had a poo of my own - from my bum-bum!

So, I went fast on the straight parts because you could always see stuff coming ten minutes in advance, and most people's driveways were quite long, so someone just didn't pull out in front of you, you'd see them well in advance.

I do agree that people that don't drive according to the situation are asswipes of the first and highest order. I don't speed around kids, construction sites, residential roads, etc., or in the rain snow, or dusk/dark, or even if someone else is in the car with me.

The place I live now is completely different from where I grew up - it's all narrow-ass roads that twist and turn up and down hills, blind corners and 50-foot Lincolns piloted by octogenarians backing out across two lanes of traffic.

I love the feeling and sensation of speed, the perfect peace you get from it, but I won't put the safety of others at risk to do so. In fact, I've avoided more than a few accidents by always expecting the worst from other drivers - you're NEVER disappointed!

Although, I will say that I've done some dumb stuff when I was drunk. The thing is, I won't drive if I have a good buzz on, but after a point I lose that control, and I spent a couple months waking up going "ohsweetjesusdididrivehomelastnight???" until I decided that if I couldn't trust myself, I wouldn't drink and let my self have access to a vehicle. I actually threw someone down in order to leave his house after getting drunk (which is weird, I'm not a violent drunk at all, it calms me down more than anything) because I HAD to get home. I had planned to stay the night and everything. Apparently, I've done the same thing many times before, but on foot, running several miles back to my place after getting blackout drunk. Weird...

My pet peeve - asswipe tailgaters! Dear GOD I HATE THESE PEOPLE!! ! I will not drive with one, I'd rather walk. There are some people who do this as a matter of course, like its what you're SUPPOSED to do! AAAAAHH!! !

This is the most dangerous thing you can do on the road - eff speeding! I don't follow the speed limit, I drive according to circumstances, and that means that I might just keep to ten over the limit, 'scuse me for living! These people, they won't die when I jam on the brakes for a deer, it's ME who's going to get bashed out into the ditch AND take a deer in the face!

Why is it always ret*d baby-mills in child-packed minivans and jackoffs in fullsize pickups that do this? When I had my old Eagle, I was driving with my 12 year old cousin and a dude in an F350 was about two inches off my bumper, so I slowed down to idle, and the left lane was full of traffic so he couldn't pass. I stopped the car in the middle of the road, got out, and told him that if he didn't back off I'd...well, I'm sure you can imagine. It was his turn to poo.

It wasn't just MY life that was being threatened; I was picking him up from school, and there was nothing but silly ret*d kids horsing around, darting about like they always do. If I had to stop for a kid that ran out into the road, Mr. Pickup would have smashed me straight into the kid and driven up over the back of my car, messing both me AND my cousin up. Three deaths and two totalled cars for eff all reason would have been the result of some dumbass compulsion to draft my bumper in a school zone!



Ah yes, the Chinese Fire Drill. I don't know why this is "Chinese", or a "Fire Drill", but that's what its called. This is what you call a "guy thing", meaning you act like a stupid tard because it's fun.

I remember a similar thing called "Sears Poses" where we'd get out of the car and do a cheesy catalog pose with your jacket over your shoulder and looking at our watches or something, staying still like mannequins, then all get back in before the green light. We'd time it by watching for the yellow light - as soon as it lit up, we'd hop back in.



DARWIN!! !



No kidding. I hate that "almost dying" stuff. I hope you're okay, you must have been terrified!

Oh, furious-vengeful-gods I hate tailgaters. Especially when they're doing it to ME!
Then again, in the event they rear-end me- It's their insurance premium that goes up, not mine!

I hate driving with my brother because he feels the compulsion to ride on everyone's ass no matter how fast we're driving. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger's seat with my fingernails embedded into the door frame.

Actually, I hate being a passenger. I'm comfortable with my own driving- but no one else's.

I have come to a conclusion about huge trucks:
(the kind that are hoisted up, pimped out, and bigger than tanks- not regular trucks of course)

Men in huge trucks = tiny weewee
Women in huge trucks = wish they had a weewee

HA! You might be onto something. I think the difference is when guys actually go off-road in their trucks, rather than just have them for showing off. A lot of guys have these as projects, and see them as engineering feats or artwork, while others have them built FOR them so they can have a certain "look". It's like the difference between "look what I did" and "look at what I'd like to be".

The guy I was talking about was certainly an ass. It was a brand new truck with all the add-ons, probably cost about the same as a Porsche all told. This was not a toy, it was a prop.

I once saw a woman get out of a similar truck by lowering a friggin built-in telescoping ladder to get to the ground. I couldn't believe what I was seeing - she was maybe 4'11" and looked like she was NO FUN AT ALL.

The car I've had the most fun driving was a Honda Civic hatchback, btw. I like zippy little cars with crisp handling the best, much more mobile! Plus, the way they design parking lots these days you need to take up two spaces just to be able to get out. I used to drive a Suburban for work, and it was just a massive chore to drive unless you were in an open area.



I've done my share of "roadside educational seminars" for poor drivers that endanger my life. When I was a kid, one of the houses we lived in was on a busy road. I was messing around in the front yard when I spotted a five-dollar bill in the grass. Score! I walked the five feet over to get it and WHAM! this dude plows into my front porch exactly where I was standing a few seconds ago, just obliterating it.

I take issue.

Now, I would like to just say that I don't have any inherent issue with big trucks. A good friend of mine has one of those huge "screw you all!" trucks, but she doesn't drive like an ass, and actually uses it for purposes intended (going off-roading). I can tell automatically who has a monster truck because, well, let's face it- Ford Escorts aren't what you should be driving off-road, and who has a monster truck because they like to show it off, wash/wax/buff it in the drive way, and probably have sex with it. The latter are the jerkheads.

Not always, but I've noticed that most the time women who drive those huge gas-guzzling monster trucks always have the same bitter expression, like they just sucked on a lemon- or have poo under their nose! Then next thing you know, they're honking and screaming at you because you took their parking slot (lady, I didn't see your name on it!) or got to the stop light before them. They drive around recklessly, on their cell phones, weaving around traffic like a deadly pinball.

That's another thing I want to take a poo on. Driving + cell phones. I believe it recently became illegal to drive under the influence of cell phones, but that certainly isn't discouraging anyone. Even though headsets are widely available and affordable, I still see throngs of people speeding around curves with one hand on their steering wheel and the other hand with their cell phone firmly attached to their ear. Or sometimes, I see them texting/dialing! They think I can't see these things, apparently their car exists in a different dimension, but I see all! (The joys of having to drive for a half hour to the nearest gas station, and at least an hour to the nearest town with a larger population than 1000.)

Next thing you know, these dorks nearly get into an accident before your very eyes, end up on the shoulder, or slam on their brakes.

Oh, there's no "probably" about it.



RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!



What the hell are you eating? How much poo can a 95 pound girl generate? Do you ever mix it up, toss in a little pee for variety's sake? And if you want to poo on cars, I suggest you invest in an alternate type of vehicle, perhaps an ultralight autogyro or something...


If the picture is anything to go by, you don't need pants to fly one, and the ergonomics seem to lend themselves to this type of behaviour. Also, diet modification can effect the loadout; cluster bombs, incendiaries, daisy cutters, napalm, etc.



The same people that do this are the ones that hunt around under the seat for stuff, put on makeup, mess with their stereo levels, flip through their CD binder, put on makeup - okay, I knew SEVERAL girls who would balance a bowl of effin CEREAL on their laps while driving to work. WTF? Know what they're thinking? "Ah la la la la, I don't pay my own insurance, ah la la la la, cereal's so good, mmm mmm mmm" ***CRASH***"

I can talk on a phone and drive no problem. Damn, I used to chainsmoke, drink coffee, talk on a phone, a two-way radio, and make sure that people didn't waltz out onto active runways while driving, all with no problem.

Some people just suck, and they should goddamn well know better than to do things that will get people killed. These are the same people that can't pick a lane or a speed, oscillating through a 30mph spectrum while weaving back and forth, trying to pick which New Country station to listen to, cause, well, they're all so different!

Damn, I got mouth foam all over my keyboard...

People who drive behind you at night with their headlights on full beam.

Maybe it's because I suffer from light sensitivity but I'd like to gather them all together in a large firework and have them shot into the sun

One of the scariest things I've ever seen was a young driver reading/texting in one of the middle lanes of four lanes travelling at speed (100kph/65mph) in peak traffic.

A year or so ago we had a learner driver booked for speeding doing 200kph.

We also had a push to ban high performance cars - I think it would be more appropriate to ban low performance drivers

My State Government has speed cameras everywhere. I think you'd even get a ticket it you peed too fast

Can I help? I'd include people who drive towards you with the high beams on too--I almost had to pull over once because one of those almost blinded me. Since I drive a fairly small car, a lot of trucks and SUVs and the like have their headlights at about my eye level while I'm driving.

It seems like the state where I live has the worst drivers. Some people apparently consider the slightest curve to the right as a right turn so they can run a red light. Then there are the people who are too busy on their phones to actually drive... I actually saw one of those yesterday with an Autism Speaks sticker--if I were braver I'd love to be able to tell her "Hi, I'm autistic and I'm a better driver than you are."

Here's a funny thought. The guy behind you is a phoner/tailgater. After 10 minutes of making car appear magnetised to yours, you pick up your own phone and call him;

"Hello?"
"Hey yeah, it's the guy in front of you. Listen here you bastard, if you don't back off at least ten metres away from my car I'm gonna slam the brakes. If that doesn't work, I'll go for a restraining order for our vehicles. You have ten seconds.

NINE. EIGHT. SEVEN, SIX..."

I feel like I just killed the thread...

Better you than me

I've been busy, so that's my excuse!