How do you talk to or help a suicidal person?

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Someone very dear to me whom I love very much is extremely suicidal right now. This depression / hopelessness they are having has been building up for a long time to a point where now the emotional pain they are suffering is unbearable and they see suicide as the only way out.

I have tried everything I know to do or say and I seem to get nowhere in having any positive effect on them. In fact they keep telling me that I'm cruel for trying to keep them alive and prolonging their suffering. Nothing I say helps and usually just makes them angry at me. I've repeatedly suggested treatment, therapy and getting help at the hospital - and they are convinced none of this will help them because the cause of their pain is not just in their head - it is due to situational things in their life. They say they will never be happy until these things change - and they don't see how these things could ever change.

They keep telling me its not right for me to keep them alive and they should have the right to kill themselves. But I really believe there is a chance for the change they seek in their life so I can never bring myself to agree that suicide is the answer, no matter how much they try to convince me. This isn't a terminal, physical illness - these are emotional / relationship problems.

We have discussed hospitilization but they are convinced that won't do any good and just make matters worse - plus they've been admitted before for a couple days and it was complete hell. And I don't think that is a long-term solution anyway - it only prevents them from killing themselves in the short term.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel so horrible for prolonging the suffering but I just can't agree that suicide is the answer. And I'm the only one around that can prevent it - if it weren't for me I imagine they would already have done it. They have no other friends and are very estranged from their family (these are major parts of their depression problems). I am trying so hard to help but they fight me every step of the way. I feel like it might come down to calling 911 for help but I know that means they will be probably be hospitalized against their will.

I'm really starting to wonder if I am in the wrong. Is suicide justified in some situations? I feel like it can be with terminal illness but emotional / relational things could always change. What can I possibly do to help them? Or what can I say that would help? I am at my wits end about this.

Thank you for reading and I greatly appreciate any advice.

I don't know if this will work, but it is an option. You could go to a proffessional, a therapist or something and talk about the problem, get him with you and maybe some hospital people outside just in case. And get him to talk to you friend(s) and see if he can talk them in to it.
But there is a catch, seen it and movies and stuff, it may backfire. Your friend(s) can get very angry and then do something drastic.

But it is an option if everything else fails.

PS; I have no experience with this, just an idea that works in my head.

Do you have a telephone Crisis Hotline in your area? If not, anyone can call the National Girls Town/ Boys Town Hotline here
in the USA...you don't have to be a kid to use their services. It is a toll free telephone number...1-800-448-3000. They can
help you get the help your friend needs.

There's a point when a person has become so convinced of suicide that it's impossible to talk to them about it unless the cause of the suicidal thoughts, if it is still present, is taken away or the person is taken out of their environment. No guarantee though, but it can make people accessible again in some cases.

If I learned something from the people I've met, there's no ultimate answer to prevent suicidal thoughts even long before the point when a person is still accessible. In the two cases I had witnessed, I admit I manipulated the people heavily with words and actions, change the focus of their anger, make them mute. It's not about really preventing suicidal thoughts and it doesn't take their minds of the it, but the emotional chaos keeps them busy for a moment and I was lucky the moment of wanting to jump into action passed.

By the sounds of it though, your dear person won't react to such petty actions taken any more. At least it doesn't sound like talking massively against them and their tries to fight you would turn out well. Sounds more like that could put them down.
Is there nothing that makes them say, 'so, maybe until Summer when I finished doing XY, I'll stay alive and then I'll see what'll happen further'? I suppose if you'd want to prevent suicide attempts, then you ought to change the situation first, somehow. Or explore why the former hospitalisation was hell and try to find a more decent place, help to ease their fear together with a potential therapist/psychiatrist of that place. I don't know what country you life in though, I know in Germany it's allowed to visit a potential clinic beforehand, ask questions, look at everything.

Sorry, this was rather pointless, I realise I just kept pointing to hospitalisation and therapy. If it's as severe as it's sounds it's either that or a wonder that can help, whichever is more likely.


And by the way, I don't think it's a matter about whether suicide is justified or not. Because; you said that your dear person is after all longing for something, mainly a big change. So it's not like they have nothing to live for. Even if they didn't have any such wish, then it's a very sad thing to die by one's own decision: It's not like anybody is a true seer and knows whether the world can make him happy or not, especially when one's filled with anger and fear and desperation. Clouds objective judgement a lot more than is healthy. Every single person only ever sees what they want to see, so yeah, not the most professional state to think about living or dying.

I advice to let go of this particular question, it's not going to help right now, so better think about it someday later when no one you know has suicidal thoughts. There's no such thing as an objective answer anyway.

The number one rule is never try to talk them out of it.

I was recently suicidal. People tried to talk me out of it, but it only made my problem worse and I actually made an attempt as a result.

I've come to find that this happens a lot.

Remember there is a CHANCE that the person's problems are exacerbated by a neuro-chemical imbalance. I was there (ready to kill myself) a few months ago. I went back on my anti-depressants and feel MUCH better, even though nothing external has changed. I am still estranged from my family. I am still on the outs with old friends, my ex would STILL rather be in a situation where people treat him like a POS than make a scary change to be with me. Nothing external that could be blamed for feeling that way has changed. What has changed is my brain chemistry.

Please refer this person to a doctor (or better yet, take them yourself - as a friend did for me a few months ago). The worst that can happen is that they kill themselves. That's already a distinct possibility. You might save (and vastly improve) the life of someone you care about.

plz remember this. the situation is all new for you, and might seem hopeless, but docters and stuff deal with this many times. they know what to do

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and helpful replies. I'm sorry I didn't respond until now.

Well my friend seems a little bit better now - I think there is a faint glimmer of hope within them now. We went to see their psychiatrist and the psychiatrist prescribed a new med which seems to be helping so far. We'll see how it goes. There are plans for them to go to a regular therapist too.

In response to some particular posts:

Zsazsa - Yes I do have a local crisis line to call if needed. Thank you for the info though.

Sora - thank you for the lengthly reply - it was not pointless at all! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. I think you are correct in that it is not a time for me or my friend to debate the justification for suicide. Because we are too emotionally close to the situation. Anyway, my friend has gotten some new medication and I feel they are seeing things a little bit clearer now - not completely hopeless.

Liberty - Yes I think there probably is a neuro-chemical balance problem adding on top of the situational problems - this has always been a theory of mine. The mood change from their new medication seems to indicate this. I'm hoping this will give them the strength to cope with the situational problems.

gbollard - I didn't say that I thought their situation couldn't change - I was just saying that they themselves thought that. I personally believe that the situation can change and it is not permanent. One of the big problems is that they have no friends (besides me) and they feel like they'll never make any more friends. They feel like they have nothing to offer anyone - basically their self-esteem is non-existent. Another problem is they have a family that shows no real love or acceptance toward them. And they feel trapped in their job / career which they hate. They are nearing age 39 and feel like it is too late to change their whole life around and achieve the things that would make them happy.

The family situation might be hopeless because they can't just pick a new family. But they have had good friends before and I believe they can make new friends again. I think they need to build their self-esteem first. And the job - well it is tricky because they feel like they need to make a certain amount of income. But people often change careers even at their age. I do think it is possible.


Thank you all again for the advice - I really appreciate it.

I'd have to say don't treat them like s**t. Or at least, don't treat them like they're s**t through and through, because they aren't. they may look like s**t, and they may talk like s**t, and they may act like s**t, but they aren't s**t, or at least, they are never shir through and through.

"how to help a suicidal"

Well it's *not* to back down to the suicidals family or adults who wants to disguise it or treat it like a family matter or none of your business. If someone tells you not to contact police or research options-consider this suspicious.



not that that is your situation.

Dont call the police after them and dont force them to go to the hospital or tell them that they should go to the hospital. My dumb ass counseler called the police after me and I never forgave her for that and I probably never will. Hospitalization isnt right for everyone and yeah its complete hell.

All I can say is to be understanding and supportive. Try to convince them that they have been a positive influence. I've talked down a borderline suicidal person before (probably not as severe). But basically be understanding. And try to give them hope.