in the lab today...

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im workin on somethin in the lab...

and my coworker friend comes in and is like, "why'd u you this like this?" i had done something that was apparently OBVIOUSLY wrong... though i have never done this protocol before and was just doing as i had imagined the verbal instruction from him to go like..

and i got defensive cause he sounded all offensive... and before i could even explain, he stopped me and started chastising me for why i'm getting all emotional.

i told him it was cause of how he had said his criticism towards me, but he emphatically stressed that he implied no emotion whatsoever towards me... and then he further continued about how he wished i wouldn't keep overreacting to things. (he researches autism and knows i think i have AS)

i told him that maybe he's not AWARE but he does come off combative when he does this sort of thing (people around the lab have asked me about this quality in him a couple times, so i know i'm not completely crazy)

but that doesn't matter... nothing i feel nor react to matters. it's never THEM, it's just ME.

i am just wrong.

how would this man or anyone else ever love me when i can tell that i at least always seems to frustrate them to no end.... it's always the same, no matter what i do (with anyone really)... and how can i change my reflexes anyway?

what am i gonna do when there's more people in the our lab room and i can't just go cry at my laptop everytime i melt down?

i don't even know why i'm here... i dont feel good at any of this.

sometimes i just want to quit and get a job already... where i can just do the same thing over and over and focus on the other things i love in life.

i'm still crying and am afraid to leave to go to other parts of the building to start remaking the reagents that i F***ed up.

It sounds like they guy you work with is having the problem, not you. It is especially if other people other than you have inquired it also about him. That could be a sign they too have problems with him.

With the directions stuff, sometimes I get confused when somebody is telling me what to do, especially if they aren't saying it the right way in the way I can understand. I would think they mean something else, when they in reality meant something differant. Or they aren't concise enough, and that leads to mistakes. I think differantly, my thought patterns are differant, and so they assume I think the way that they do.

I think what you should do is anytime you are not sure about something, ask somebody. Even if it is something you are reasonably sure of, and if they ask You say, "I just want to double check." That is what I do, and it saves me some grief. If you have to remake the reagents, feel free. Sometimes I must do stuff over again, or even undo stuff, becuase I made a mistake. I did this once with flowers I had to water in a grocery store. I overwatered them. With flowers, they can die litterally overnight if they get too much water. So I was warned by my mananger about the fllowers, and so I had to go and remove all the extra water from them. It took an hour to get rid of all of that water. But if I didn't, it would all be lost invantory because they died. It was a bit humbling, but I did learn from that mistake more then I would have had I done it correctly. I learned why not to overwater flowers.

I don't think it IS you. I think it's him.

If he researches, then he knows something of how we react to things sometimes, even in a clinical sense if not a real awareness. If so, why does he keep acting this way? Perhaps because it is his nature to act this way, just as it is yours to act the way you do. You can't change your reflexes, but neither can he. Not easily, anyway, though it is FAR easier for him.

I don't know where this leaves you, Sedaka, because I don't know enough about your situation. Keep your head up, though, and don't quit unless that's the right decision for you.

If he is your friend, and researches autism, then he should know better, as a friend, to treat you in a way that causes you stress. Autism or no, this is true, I think. There are better ways to handle things.

Wow, what a crummy day for you. Keep telling yourself that this won't last forever.

That sucks, I can totally relate, I've cried in front of co-workers and superiors too. The best advice I can give is just keep doing what you're doing, if you can let it go then so can they. We all have bad days, but if you can rebound and keep doing a good job, then it should be OK.
As for your coworker, I agree he acted in a rude way, he's probably insecure and tries to build self-esteem by picking on other people. Sadly, there's so many people like that in the workforce, but it doesn't make him look very good.

he's kinda my superior (lol he is) but we were friends two yrs prior to this... so perhaps i do act inappropriately to some degree

i know he's not tryin to be mean, but he doesn't understand i'm not tryin to be a biotch.... he's tryin to point out to me when i do things... but he's just not doin it right, i guess... and doesn't think he's triggering it or contributing in anyway.

Maybe you can think of it as training to run a mile. Each day you respond a little better until it doesn't matter how he says anything, you can calmly take anything. Of course, that may take a few decades of practice, but I think you can do it.

Every time someone mentions the word "lab", I always envision someone blowing one up.

"Aspie" + a lab definitely equates to an explosion of some kind.

Totally random here....

Whoo yeah, burning plastic stinks.
I met my husband when a pakastani student blew up his experiment all over my future husband.

Sounds like how my father acts towards me at times. He criticizes something I've done, or said, or...well it doesn't much matter, he's probably taken issue with a little bit of everything over the years. The way he does so puts me on the defensive, I react to how he acts, and then he gets defensive, acts like I'm out of control, like I'm angry at him for no reason, like I'm attacking him.

There's so many different examples I could give of this sort of thing happening, a pretty good variety of situations. From him asking me to pick up a flashlight I had left on the floor before I can even get to a kneeling position, to which I would respond that I was getting to it, if he'd just give me a second, to him telling me to get a job any time I talk about something that requires money that I'm interested in (this laptop, that gadget, whatever. I know I can't afford them, I'm just mentioning that I would like to own them at some point) even though I've told him numerous times that I don't find that funny, because I"ve been trying pretty hard to get a job. Any kind of situation like this, he usually gets irritated with me, acts like I'm the one doing the attacking, and asking why I'm in such a foul mood, or something like that, as if he couldn't possibly be responsible.

Only solution I've found is to get myself out of the situation, just go elsewhere for a bit without speaking to him further. That probably works because he isn't my boss, might not if he were, but I really don't know of a better solution.

It is as if he cuts me short before I get a chance to do / say something, then when I respond to that, he does it again. Sometimes he's "kidding," sometimes he's being admittedly critical, that aspect can vary a bit. The constant cutting me off (in action or word) and making it out as if I'm overreacting only causes things to build up until I can't help but react in a way that he would consider overreacting.