why does love confuse me

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okay, since a while i know this girl, she's really cool, and interesting and she is a good listener, we actually talk a lot and hang out (useually with some other people we know) she is really pretty, and she knows i have AS (i told her once in a conversation) and after a while i started to feel great when we talked and i wanted to be around her, i skipped classes to sit and wait for her to come by. but for some reason my feelings of love for her confuse me, filling me with suicidal thoughts depression and the urge to harm myself (though ive nevr really tried) but why does it confuse me, i know it's not her fault, would it be because ive never felt something like this before and don't know what to do? i have no clue if she has noticed the small hints of affection i give her (instead of the normal guys who chase the girl they love around, i have a hard time expressing feelings) and because i have a hard time getting messages out of body language i have no clue if she might be returning affection. i really need help on this one, she is such a great person i don't wanna screw up.

-lithium

Well lithium... If you ever figure out why love is so confusing, please share, people have been trying to figure that out for ever.
Wanting to hurt yourself is an easy way to get frustration out of your system, God knows that I have had the urge to hurt myself rather then allow my thoughts and insecurities to hurt me. Physical pain is just so much easier to handle then mental. Don't take the easy way out though, talk to someone (I know its hard) insteed.
Now you say that she knows you have aspergers. Does she also know what that means? Does she know the problems you have expressing yourself?
If you okay with a little light deception there is something you might wan't to try. Ask her for a female's oppinion on a a case where a young man want's to be more than friends with a woman he knows, but he is unsure of weather he should be direct or not. (You could even say that you found said case on this forum. Not even technically a lie) With this as a starting point it should be fairly easy to twist the conversation into a "What would you want if it was you?" case. And if she reacts favorably into a "What if it was... lets say ME and you?" case. If done correctly then this should give you an idea of her position, and without risking your friendship. (Which is what I assume is what you mean by "screw up")
If she does react favorably (And I hope that she does) then I would sugest telling her that you are glad she feels that way. Then tell her that the case was made up, and underline that you didn't want to risk your friendship by just comming out and telling her.
Hard as it may be, try not to go into this with any expectations to how it will go. It will only stress you out.
Hope I have been of some help.

I just realised that something I wrote could be misunderstood. When I say talk to someone rather than hurt yourself, i meant about the emotional things that make you want to hurt yourself. Not the fact that you want to hurt yourself. For while stress and heartache aren't taboo subjects, the same does NOT apply for wanting to hurt yourself. I advice that you keep those thoughts on this forum, unless you are 100% sure that you want to tell someone in real life. It may serve to drive them away from you, or make them pitty you. (Which is NOT desireable, trust me on that one)

Edit: typo

you're preaching to the choir! I hate to be a downer but i have given up on love in all its forms, it seems easier that way

"maybe i need to get drunk off my @$$ and get a hooker"

Why does love confuse you?
It's a naturally confusing thing. No one knows, or will ever know what it truley means to love.It has different feelings to each person.

i hate love. it always leads me to the wrong people. always leads me to someone who already has a boyfriend, or someone who lives in a different city, or someone who loves someone else.

Loving somebody is entrusting them with a part of your soul, giving them the power to hurt you or empower you with their every action.
Now ofcourse you are scared of somebody who possess such power, that is perfectly normal.

If you think careful about it though, I think you will find that my previous advice has very limited risk associated with it, and that it has plenty of opportunity to "chicken out" halfway through if it feels wrong to you (He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day)

In the end it all comes down to the question: "How much do I love her, and how big of an idiot am I willing to make of myself for her?"

there is a song called "love is just a four letter word" but probably dont agree with that statement at this point. The only thing of advice i can offer is that for all the regrets of failure could have, they will never compare to the the pain of never trying and finding out.

It confuses me too. The frustration probably comes from the fact you don't know what to do, for fear of losing her. I'm sure we all do go through this but saying that doesn't make it any easier.

If you really feel so afraide, then maybe you should just concentrate on being her friend for a while, see if the anxiety doesn't wear down a bit, and meanwhile work to make your relationship stronger. Let her know that you are interested in her day, thoughts and life.
Try to relax around her, waite until it feels natural to tell her. But know that you will likely keep feeling until you tell her.