What should you do when...

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...you have a fixation on someone, and you can't stop thinking about that person?

There is a friend I have know for almost a year. She is also an Aspie, and she and I have the exact same interests. We met a few times in person, and she said she was to busy to have a relationship with anyone (she is also a college student). And since I was about to go to school the following month (this was in July 2007), she said she couldn't do a long-distance relationship. She said that a relationship would be possible if she gets a job in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area (the nearest metro area to my school) after she graduates this spring, but she said that she was not limiting herself to any particluar area in terms of employment.

I am worried about what will happen if she gets a job far from me. I am worried that I will become extremely depressed if she doesn't want to be my girlfriend.

Keep in touch with her via MSN?

And meet up with her in your free time.

Then, while your out together, break it down to her.

Say something like:

"There's something I wish to tell you, but I'm afraid to...

I feel really deep for you, and I know we can't go out, but I can't stop thinking about you..."

You know? something like that

She never uses IM anymore. I used to get an e-mail from her every day, now it's once every other week. At first, she sounded like she was interested in a relationship with me. I told her I was interested, and that is when she told me that she wouldn't have the time for a relationship.

There was someone in high school that I had a crush on, but we could never really see each other and back then, I didn't have the guts to ask her out.

The person I'm talking about is someone I've met in person, and I was the one who initiated the potential relationship.

I recommend that you slow down and wait. Patience is everything in this situation. Still, it won't hurt to tell her how you feel.

Your situation can go either of two ways..."absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight, out of mind."
Only time will tell.

Good luck!

Tim, I thought you were in a relationship..

is this her?

I haven't been in a relationship in about 2 years.

Were you thinking about the woman who promised to marry me two weeks into my correspondence with her? No, it's not her.

This is someone I had met in person a few times. At first, she hinted that she wanted a relationship, but she changed her mind and said she would be too busy to be in a relationship, and even if she did have the time, she couldn't do anything long-distance.

I am worried that the "out of sight, out of mind" way is what is going to happen.

Sometimes the only thing you can do when you have feelings like that is to remove them from your life completely.

I would send her one more e-mail asking her to tell you HONESTLY if it is ever going to go anywhere, and if it isn't, stop e-mailing her. Why put yourself through the heartache?

I have had to do this before.

I can't remove her from my life. There are no other female Aspies who have the same interests as me, and who are also single.

And if she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, I may never be happy again.

Relax Tim.
I'm sure there are a bunch of female liberal Aspies in Texas
looking for a guy like you.

I have a very intense connection with this woman, and I have a hopeless attachment to her. And I don't know what I will do if she is not available to me after she graduates from college.

What should I do about her if she is causing me this much anxiety?

*hugs for my odd friend*

I hope it works out for you. Really. All I can say about calming down is to find someone to rant to, do school stuff, or work with your hobbies. Hobbies.. erm ehem. game addiction.. usualy does it for me quite easily. Course, I'm much more a hermit than you, though.

You didn't walk behind her, or hold your hands up together near your chin did you? *nervous grin* Now, I know you don't intend to look intimidated, but that's how you come off as by doing it. Some of us know better, because you're Aspie after all.

Dateing rules are so useless, in my oppinion. That's my oppinion though.

No, I didn't do anything like that.