Succumbing to Schizophrenia?

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I have sometimes wondered if I am slowly but progressively declining towards schizophrenia or some related condition. Disorganized (or hebephrenic) schizophrenia sounds like a more extreme form of many symptoms I have, but since there is much overlap with Asperger's syndrome, it's hard to tell.

• Apathy
• Social isolation
• Sense of alienation, trouble relating to others (probably because I share so few experiences with them)
• Blunted (often nearly flat) affect
• Mental "chatter" (not really voices but more inchoate strands of meaningless ruminations ricocheting through my mind)
• A general numbingness of the mind that creates a sort of fog and disconnect from the outside environment, an almost psychic stillness
• Occasional random but usually transient changes in mood
• Occasional outbursts of uncontrolled, strange behavior (often ultimately with negative outcomes for me)
• Mixture of depression (schizodepressive, I think, is the term)
• Dwindling motivation (I occasionally can still force myself to clean up my place, but I've taken to buying the same generic, easy-to-prepare food when I used to enjoy cooking)
• Little pleasure experienced in things (eating being one major exception) although this could well be related to depression as well

It seems just as I'm starting to build my life as an independent adult, my mental health is crumbling towards a lower and lower point. On the bright side, the apathy makes me relatively immune to most of the negative affects I would have once felt (mostly in adolescence).

So far, I think I have done admirably in hiding the more insidious symptoms of mental decline. I can still engage in conversation with coworkers, for example, and even maintain a sense of humor (albeit an odd one). I realize in hind sight that going to the ice cream parlor on a rainy and chilly spring's evening in a t-shirt and shorts yesterday to order a milk shake must have seemed a little strange, but I nevertheless look like your typical 20-something year old instead of a disheveled bum, so I must not have stood out too much.

I am trying to get myself to take up a regimen of mental health to prevent further cognitive decay or even to ameliorate it. I would like to sharpen my memory and enhance fast-paced critical thinking and judgment skills that tend to decline in an understimulating environment (leisurely intellectual study is not too demanding on these modalities).

Sounds like something. Hopefully it's something else and you're not in the early stages of schizophrenia, because that's just a load of nasty.

You're definently not schizophreniac.

Schizophrenia is in the realms of hard mental illnesses in which functioning in life is nearly impossible.

I wouldn't be completely dismissive. There is an onset phase before the hard-core delusional stuff.

I agree it's unlikely though.

schizotypical?

I sure as hell hope not NeantHuman, aside from the generally tragic nature of Schizophrenia, I like your posts and you seem like a decent person to me. Whatever is causing your current malaise should be taken seriously. If you have a Minister that you trust or a Mental Health clinic available for a more objective analysis maybe you can try to nip it tn the bud before it gets any worse.

What is so frightening is that Schizophrenia strikes young people in their late teens and twenties just as they embark on life as
independent, young adults...and proceed in a downward spiral throughout the course of their lives. I sure hope that doesn't happen to you.

You know, you're only a diagnoses away?

I've often wondered the same thing Doesn't help that for most of my teens, I believed people could read my mind or were always watching me (wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I really did think that). I wonder if some of the symptoms are just overcompensation by the mind to combat feelings of loneliness and insignificance (e.g. 'I'm not unimportant- everybody's after me!'). There's loads in common between schizoid, schizotypal and Aspergers diagnostic criteria.

dont take this the wrong way but do you take any drugs of any kind?

Who, me? Nope, just caffeine and alchohol (rarely)

I have every one of those symptoms when I experience depression. I have bipolar disorder and when I go to the low end of the cycle that's exactly how I feel. Just kinda like a zombie....flat, numb, like a robot...interrupted by instance of extreme rage, where things get broken, people get yelled at around me, and I cut my self or bang my head against a wall repeatedly.....and there is also a need to sleep for excessive periods of time (12-16 hours), and it progresses to not only not being able to cook, but eventually not being able to eat at all. The idea of getting out of bed seems pointless, when sleeping feels just so damn good....living in general becomes pointless, but then I am just to lazy to do anything about it, so I wouldn't be considered a suicide risk (at that point in the cycle anyway)...the mania part is far more dangerous.

For a really long time I believed depressed people cried a lot and were sad and hopeless. That's not how I feel. Actually I don't even cry or feel sad, just flat, emotionless, unmotivated, and plain lazy....and I do the remuneration thing too.....my mind is constantly filled with chatter. I'm know to follow three of four trains of thought at once.....talk about disorganized thoughts.....

My dad had Schizophrenia and Bi-Polar both. He just very recently passed away. At first, his decline started slowly, then the last 5 years or so of his life went down hill very rapidly. He was miserable, and pretty much just gave up. He cut off contact with his family(except my sister and I), stopped eating, grooming himself, and refused medical attention.

I haven't been to see a doctor, so I'm not sure what I have, but very much hope that I never get this. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I have just come off my antidepressants (with doctor's permission) after a year, and have found all these symptoms coming back - almost exactly like you describe it. . Before taking the antidepressants I had much stronger negative emotions but lots of willpower. Now I feel kind of flat, but everything seems pointless and too much effort. In fact even before coming off them I was having trouble being motivated to do things. I was hoping that without them my old intense concentration and motivation would come back, but if anything it is worse. At the moment I have a successful job, but I can easily imagine if things stay the same, gradually going downhill, becoming less able to work or to socialise (I dont have many friends as it is). I have this view of my disappointed future when I will be thinking 'I used to once be a successful scientist'. I am starting to wonder whether the drugs themselves have caused a long term decline in mental functioning. And I am dismayed to see that without them I dont seem to be able to function properly, even though I managed 10 years of good health between my first and second (most recent) depressive episodes. Maybe it is degenerative. I did read recently that depression causes cell death in certain areas of the brain.

Maybe of interest. Antidepressants alone never did much for me unless I was also taking an antipsychotic. I am not schizophrenic (at least not in the classical sense - my doctors have never given me a diagnosis and I tend to think that they dont have a clue what is wrong with me), but they seem to make me happier and more social. Unfortunately I hate the lack of willpower and weight gain that I get when taking them and I dont want to go back on them again unless I go really downhill, but they are definately worht a try. Maybe you could try a small dose of an antipsychotic - Abilify is the one I was on and I think it is good for 'negative' symptoms of schizophrenia. It worked very quickly and very nicely for the first months (I took just 5mg), but then I just became obsessed with eating and it seemed to work less well which is why I wanted to stop it.

I hope that things improve for you, but you may need some medication just to get out of the rut so to speak. At least that was what I thought I needed, but it seems for me that medication provides only temporary relief and not a cure. But in any case, some temporary relief is better than nothing and might make you able to make changes for the better in your life that you cant do at the moment.