I'm probably getting hospitalized.

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At almost 6am this morning i called a youth mental health helpline because I was in crisis. I told the counsellor that I was speaking to things that I had never told anyone before. After a long rant by me and some questions from him, he said that he was worried about me and said that if it's ok with me, he will call the crisis team (after hours mental health service) and ask for advice on what to do from here. I listened in on their conversation as I was allowed to. The nurse said that she thought that I should get in touch with a psychiatrist straight away because I am a danger to myself and to others.
After debating for a further 15 minutes with the counsellor over whether or not I should see a psych for the THIRD TIME, I said that I would.
I said to the counsellor that I did not want to be hospitalized and asked him what the chances of me being committed were. He said that there is a likely chance because of my circumstances. Of course I am not happy about this, but I will see the psych anyway and see what he/she says.
I phoned the psych this morning and left a message and my mobile number, telling her to call me back ASAP.

My mother doesn't know anything about this as she has been at work the whole time. She thinks I am "fine", when I have been far from it for a long time. She is due to arrive home at about 1pm and the psych probably would have phoned me back by then and made an appointment to see me, probably today, and since I can't drive nor take public transport, my mother will have to drop me off at the appt and probably have the psychs talk to her. My mother is going to completely FREAK OUT. The things she is going to hear about me are going to destroy here, I just know it.
If I end up getting committed to the hospital for a short while, that will make it all the worse for her. She will blame herself like most mothers do, but none of this is her fault. This will tear my whole family apart. I have disappointed them once again with becoming ill!! !

I hope that I can avoid hospitalization, but it seems pretty unlikely from what was said on the phone between the nurse and the counsellor.

Within the next few days I will know the verdict...I am 'pleading insanity' by default here. Whether I go behind bars of the psych wards, or stay out in public is not my choice anymore.

What exactly was your crisis? What in your thoughts and behavior might pose a risk to self or others, if I may ask? If you don't want to reveal these things, I understand.

I hope things go alright, however they end up. I'm thinking you might benefit more from being concerned about yourself and what you need right now rather than your family's views and expectations of you. If they love you, they'll want the same - they'll want you to become as balanced as possible, whatever it takes. They should take you as you are if they care.

They ought not be ashamed of you. And your mother shouldn't say things about you that you just don't do. So what if you're not social.

She should be proud of the fact that she has a daughter who is a wonderful person, no matter how she choses to show that personality to the world.

I think it's a brave step to do the things you have done thus far to get yourself help. Families aren't always the source of support they should be for their children. This does not make you a failure, and whatever comes of your visit with the psych, they'll just have to deal with it. Sounds like there's a lot of drama in your family. That is their problem. I hope everything works out for you.

I hope everything works out for you. I don't know whats wrong, and I'm really confused.

you shouldn't feel responsible for your mother's reaction to this regardless of how she takes it.

Your mom sounds exactly like mine..I'm 44 now and she did get a bit better(more excepting) but still excludes me from family events, jut doesn't try and change me any more. Just realize that your mom's issues are her issues...usually revolves around low self esteem when some one has to be perfect and present a perfect image to others...it's a pretty sad existence if you think about it. I know even knowing that doesn't help it from hurting when you feel rejected or not appreciated by your mom(It still hurts me) but it helps to put into perspective.


You faked being "OK' for long enough. Let yourself get the help you need and hope that your mother eventually gets some counseling for her own issues....I'm sure she has a bunch

Good luck with the psychs....I actually enjoyed my stays in the psychwards in some ways. The food sucked but more of the people were pretty nice even if my actual Psychiatrist was a lunitic himself. Don't let them throw you on anti=psychotics unless it is a last resort...they tend to have negative effects on many people with AS. Actually, becareful with any meds...not saying they can't help...anti-deressants have helped me a lot but now adays they try and stick people on ten differnt meds at a time and it is bad medicine and worse science(because you can't tell which meds is helping or hurting)....Good luck.This too shall pass.

It also seems that your self-judgments are intertwined with the way you think your mom views you. It may be that she just doesn't want to make your grandmother feel burdened or negatively impacted at this late stage of her life.

Have you asked your mother what her motivations are for saying things that aren't true? I think a heart to heart discussion about that subject would be very helpful, if you can push yourself to do it. It could clear up some misunderstandings if there are any. Clarifications are things that people don't always seek, but they can make a huge difference in creating empathy and better treatment and respect of each other.

Maybe your mom is fine with the way you are but just doesn't know how to manage herself in this situation and doesn't know how to talk about it to others without feeling uncomfortable about herself. Just as krex said, your mother may have some communication and self-regulation problems herself. These things aren't good for the quality of relationships. In this case, maybe it's up to you to start a dialogue, even if it's difficult for you. It could be worth it.

I'm sorry that you might have to go to the hospital. It isn't a fun experience. Especially the last time I was in. I went in on my birthday of all days! Nice birthday present! The people this time around were mean to me. There were two and a half jerks that deserve to die. They called me a liar ( I don't lie as I believe that people that deliberately lie need to die) fat, huge butt and stomach and ugly. I went in depressed and came out even more depressed. It did nothing to help me. The other times I went in were much better. I really don't remember the first visit to the hospital when I was about 13 years old. I have a problem with one of the psychiatrists at the hospital I go to. The first time I saw him he knew my situation and wanted me to be kicked out of the house with $600 a month. You can't live with that little unless you want to live in extreme poverty. He didn't care. Then the next time I saw him, which was my birthday, he told me to my face that he didn't think I was faking the conditions for attention but it turns out he lied to me. I picked up the report from the hospital and saw his real thoughts. He thought by reading stuff on the Internet, you actually get the conditions! How stupid is this doctor? I had everything in the DSM well before I started reading about it. Think about it. I am autistic. I had the symptoms of autism around one year of age. How can a one year old go on the Internet (did it exist back then, I ain't even know) and do research on autism. Then psychosis. I had it when I was 13 because of severe stress and I didn't read about it back then. Depression? same thing, I had it on and off for MOST OF MY LIFE!! !! Anxiety? Probably since the day I was born. And all of these conditions are linked to each other anyways. Something like 80% of autistics suffer from anxiety and depression anyways. Oh by the way, how in the heck can you fake thought insertion? You can't. I hope if you DO have to go to the hospital, you have a better doctor than I did. Its extremely boring in the hospital if you didn't know that. There ain't nothing to do except talk to yourself and read books.

I would like to see the stigma removed from having depressive episodes, and/or staying in a hospital.

Its the brain. It is an organ and sometimes it cannot work in equilibrium, especially when it has been under pressure for a long time.

If somebody has a kidney problem and they go to hospital, noone criticises them. I dont understand why the brain is an organ that society wont let people rest and heal. I think it is actually the most important organ to have working better.

I hope you feel better soon, and do what you feel you must do, whatever it turns out to be. Also I hope you keep in communication with people who are understanding...