Compliments and belief?

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Joined: 5 Aug 2007
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05 May 2008, 4:16 pm

Why do I always believe the best in people yet turn around and suspect their motives when they compliment me?

*bangs head against the wall* Why can't one thing in life just be simple? I want to believe them but I just can't.

That bridge looks better every day.

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Dokken
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05 May 2008, 4:19 pm

I do that to. I can't answer your question, I ju8st assume someone is lying when they compliment me.

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Grimfaire
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05 May 2008, 4:25 pm

Exactly! Anything else I believe them. (yea, I'm pretty gullible)...

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zghost
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05 May 2008, 5:39 pm

Exactly.
Why? What do they really want?

Belfast
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05 May 2008, 6:54 pm

Dokken wrote:

I do that to. I can't answer your question, I ju8st assume someone is lying when they compliment me.

-or that the person is mistaken in seeing something good/appealing in me.
Used to believe people when they said good things about me, but that was in childhood-before I learned that people say things that don't match their behavior. Still have hard time handling these disjunctures.

Now, even if I believe person is truthful in complimenting me, I suspect their judgment;like "if they only knew...!". Bad things that people have said about me feel truer, not from perspective of honest assessment-but emotionally the negative interpretations stick like glue & seem to grab my attention magnetically-alas, positive comments bounce off me & don't sink into my brain.

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jawbrodt
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05 May 2008, 7:39 pm

Same here. I think it's because of my low self-esteem. I don't believe them because, I don't really believe I have those qualities that they are referencing. Maybe most of them are telling the truth? Who knows? :shrug:

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Brittany2907
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06 May 2008, 6:47 am

Grimfaire wrote:

Remember, that thinking of peoples motives is not always a bad thing. Some people do give compliments JUST because they are being kind...although others sometimes do it because they want something from you, although it might not be obvious at the time. They might be giving you that compliment so you think good of them so later on in the day/week, they can ask you for something or a favour and you will be more likely to say yes.

Why can't one thing in life just be simple? Because life wasn't meant to be simple. If it were simple, the human race wouldn't have progressed as far as they have. With complications, come hardships, but also the opportunity to think of another way around something...hence why humans have done so much!

Back to the point...
You want to believe them but you just can't. Is this because you think they are saying a compliment to get something from you, or because you don't agree with what they said about you? As someone else mentioned, low-self esteem could be responsible, and I think especially for the latter.

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sinagua
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06 May 2008, 11:13 am

Why do I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me, but when they criticize me, I internalize every word and take it so much to heart?

Brittany2907
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06 May 2008, 11:59 am

sinagua wrote:

Why do I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me, but when they criticize me, I internalize every word and take it so much to heart?

Maybe you believe the negative things that people are saying about you and not the good things.
If you think negatively about yourself it is most likely that you will think that any positive thing said about you is a lie.

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sinagua
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06 May 2008, 12:14 pm

Brittany2907 wrote:

sinagua wrote:

Why do I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me, but when they criticize me, I internalize every word and take it so much to heart?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

That, and I'm not USED to hearing good things about myself (probably due to a childhood thing). Even the other day, in a therapy session, my therapist talked about this "incredibly brave, intelligent, resourceful young woman" she sees who "had a really hard time growing up, was abused and neglected, had alcoholism in her family, was abandoned by her parents" and I was like, "Oh wow, I'm so sorry for her, that she had a hard childhood. Is she okay now?" And my therapist stares at me and says, "Hon, I was talking about YOU."

Forgive me, I am truly having an Eeyore day today. :wink:

Grimfaire
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06 May 2008, 12:20 pm

sinagua wrote:

Brittany2907 wrote:

sinagua wrote:

Why do I have a hard time believing people when they compliment me, but when they criticize me, I internalize every word and take it so much to heart?

Forgive me, I am truly having an Eeyore day today. :wink:

haha... I can relate to that... it has happened to me a few times.

My whole problem now stems from this lovely young lady who is helping me out... I just can't get myself to believe her when she compliments me or disputes my opinion of myself (which isn't all that good).

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Ikari_Gendo
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07 May 2008, 2:36 pm

Dear Grimfaire et al,

You do not believe because you cannot believe.

You have had your weaknesses exposed so often, you cannot accept that have strengths, much less that anyone else would point them out.

If someone compliments you, stop asking yourself "Why would they say that?"

Ask yourself "Is that true?"

You may realize you have good points you never suspected.

Good luck,

Ikari Gendo

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