Rethinking whether or not I have AS

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part of my whole putting Poopy Lungstuffing (my old username..if you don't know what I am talking about)...to rest is my taking a step back to reconcider whether I actually even have AS...I am not diagnosed....I refrain from using the term self-diagnosed....

I realise that when I let myself out of my proverbial shell, i can actually be quite social at times....very gregarious....I am even able to make more eye contact...

I am hanging out with people other than Flakey sometimes...I am helping these other females put together a fashion show...i participate sometimes in a life-drawing class..where I even pose...
um...

I still have problems...I had a crying jag at my new telemarketing job and ended up quitting after a week and a half...
um...
Hanging out in a social situation...I still have auditory processing difficulties...So i have to really focus on the goofy guy friend of my female friend to understand what he is saying...for example...

But I am able to i guess keep myself afloat well enough that it seems that I am not too different or far behind my peers...

Even further....I have felt a stronger need for friends lately than usual...

other than that...

I have been having some really bad troubles with depression.
I have not been getting along very well with Flakey...
Even though the bad stuff that went down with us happened a long time ago, I still have alot of resentment and distrust that I don't really know how to deal with...I can't seem to find closeure....over something very painful that happened months ago...

Today i got a lecture from Flakey on how people don't like to hear about in-depth personal problems...and that if I want friends, I need to stick to very shallow subject matter...like my favorite tv show...
This made me kinda mad..
I think that people DO like talking about themselves...in socialisng with my current female friend...she talks about herself quite alot.
We both underestimate my ability to make friends....
and when he gives me advice like that I feel like he is trying to censor me.

anyway...in my lonely hunt for people to bond with...I have found a few kinda sorta....
and the more social i force myself to be...the less as-ish I feel...and it makes me wonder how much of it really is psychological with me.

As with most things on the autism spectrum it hits different people in different ways. I used to work with special needs kids, mainly autism and dyslexia, things like that. I noticed how each one would differ slighty from the others in how their condituion affected them. I don't think there is a "cheklist" for AS, you may have some parts, some people may have more common features, others fewer...
I for example have never had an issue with eye contact, in fact I think I sometimes weird people out by looking them in the eye. Its a matter of different strokes I think.

thanks for your reply...
Yes--I have known a couple starey aspies...

( i am slightly dyslexic too )

I defeinitely have some things going on with me and they have affected me for my entire life...

but maybe if I tried harder, I could let go of them....

They say that you can change or "adapt"...I really feel that I have learned some things after going to college and it's really helped.

Who cares if you have AS? We'll still be your friends.

I am in the same boat as you. The best advice I could give you is to go talk to someone. I took the first step and so far I feel good about going.
Even if she doesn't suspect anything or recomend that I go see someone else. I will get free theraphy
I plan on sticking around even if I don't really have it. I can relate to everyone here so much. It is so nice knowing I am not alone.

EvilOlive, you have already killed off poopylungstuffing. People around here like you, you contributed to the Mummy thread and the Costume thread. You are definitely Bohemian enough to hang around Aspies/Auties. Just keep that in mind.

Poopevolivlungster,

You've got a good case of self-knowledge angst, and from my experience (yes, its okay here to talk about personal experience in depth) you're understanding about yourself is changing and that is something that often happens as you get older. Just because your feelings about socializing are different now than they were a year ago doesn't mean that you have or don't have something, it just means that you are continuing to change and develop and that is a good thing. I've come to the conclusion that it's interesting to see where the change takes me, and I don't have to be concerned that I am changing.

I hope you can find some peace for yourself. I watched a couple of your music videos a while ago - they are great, you seem like a sweet and caring person. A lot of the rest of us have anxiety and depression too. What you have been doing on WP seems to me to be a really positive thing to do. Talking can really help.

Z