Adopted? Reunited with Birth Parents?

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I am, and I did, and it didn't go too well. Now I have twice as many parents who seem inherently disappointed by me.

I feel like I've spend my whole life trying to prove my worth to people, and it never worked. Didn't matter what I did or didn't do, how well I did in school, what my job was, who I married, whether I had kids or not. I'm a weirdo and a "trouble maker" and "ungrateful" for everything they've all done for me, with the best of intentions. (remember what the road to hell is paved with?)

I've struggled for so many years with anxiety and depression issues. All sides of my family seem to regard me as "weak", since none of THEM have gone to therapists or taken prescription meds to cope.

My birth mother is so perfect, she is too perfect. She is three of the most efficient, professional, attractive, successful people I know. She goes on diets when she's thinner than me. She always looks perfect, her house always looks perfect - she drinks her morning tea in matching loungewear. Always drives a new-model car. Seldom invites me to her house unless it's a group situation, so it's quite festive but there's never any opportunity to speak to her alone, about how I feel. A few people have suggested to me that perhaps this is by design - that she doesn't WANT to hear anything "heavy." She's already told me many times I just need to "get over it, put it behind you, stop hanging on to the past." She thinks things are "fine" between us, I guess. I'm always hearing about her "fun" trips to Mexico, or some other place, and what fun she and her friends had. She's never invited me along, even when I mentioned I could pay my own way.

I am tired of trying to "earn" someone else's love, and feeling like trash when I'm rejected.

I wish she and I had gone to therapy together when we first "reunited." It would've been a safe place for us to address some of these issues. But she doesn't DO therapy - that's for weak people who can't handle life (like me).

Probably find its nothing really wrong with you at all, but guilt about having done the worst thing a mother can do, so bad, that even animals dont do it, and that is, abandon thier young.

Your birth mother doesn't sound as perfect as you think she is.