My mind races and blood boils. I've had a constant headache that lasted five days. I can't get my mind off of smoking and the more I resist the urge, the more I can feel it pulling me back in. Nicotine withdrawal sucks and my biggest fear is to relapse and do all this for nothing. I get angry for the smallest of things and lash out at people who may not deserve it (and i'm usually the most chill person you'll ever meet).
The urge is never gone, but is inhibited more by certain things. I'll drink coffee or coke and it becomes about twice as strong. Drinking amplifies it by about ten! I'll be doing normal activities such as taking out the trash at work (the only smoke break I got), driving on the freeway or standing outside and want one, but know I can't even smoke one or i'll start all over again. I was standing outside with my friends and some people we've never met before (smokers) came by and started talking to us. As they inhaled away, I felt myself becoming very helpless. I felt like I was trapped and resisting the urge to bum one was one of the hardest things i've done in quite some time. I couldn't tell you a word they said because all I could think about is how much I wanted one. The smell, sweet relief, the relaxed look on their faces as they went for a drag, I could practically feel the rush of sweet nicotine filling my lungs again.
This sucks. I'm getting more and more withdrawn from the things that I enjoy simply because I can't get my mind off of it. "I quit smoking because I wanted to live longer but now that I quit I really don't want to live anymore." I forget which comedian said this, but it holds true. It's hard as hell to get through the day without something you've used as a crutch for so long. Either way my mind's set and I can't touch another cigarette ever. I just hope I can keep my goal.
Has anyone else ever successfully quit? If so, how did you overcome this hellish feat? I'd really like to know, any advice would be appreciated.
26 May 2008, 3:07 am
