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At my core, I believe I am a worthless person, who is capable of nothing and a waste of space. On another level, I recognize that these thoughts are completely irrational, but they still follow me. I have an inner critic following me with every step, telling me that I'm complete s**t and I have f****d up my entire life. Why.

There's a lot of people doing better than me at a lot of things, but not too many of them are people I admire.

When I don't have a lot of respect for somebody, it's hard to think of them as my superior.

No matter what the rest of the world thinks.

Viska, everyone has self doubts, and feels they aren't worth it, but why are you feeling this, what have you done to deserve this?
its normal to question why things go bad with your life, its the same with a lot of people, Aspies and NT's, you need to figure out whats causing you these feelings of worthlessness, and change what ever it is, I know what your talking about, I have asked myself these very same questions, and I busted my ass to change what I could, you know these thoughts are completely irrational, you have to stop listening to your inner critic and tell him who the real f**kup is, and take some control.

Viska,

You sound depressed. Have you thought of speaking to a medical professional? Not necessarily a psychiatrist, but maybe your GP? I have bouts of depression and the worst symptoms are guilt and worthlessness. So painful. It happens often enough that I am familiar with my constellation of symptoms (early waking -- often 3 a.m. and difficulty going back to sleep because of thinking of all the ways I am f--dked up; fatigue; negativity; guilt/worthlessness), and I start up with antidepressants. They have really helped me, YMMV.

Best of luck in feeling better. I don't know you but I find it hard to believe you are worthless. Hang in there -- if what you're feeling is depression (not unusual for it to be co-morbid with AS, BTW), there is help and it's not too hard to get.

You are worthwhile topic

The other posters told Viska right.

At any given moment, you have right now. You're inner critic lives in the past. You should tell that critic to shut the f**k up!

Right at this moment, you can tell yourself that you aren't perfect, and aren't required to be. Aspies are harder on ourselves than on anybody else. This I know.

Gee Viska, I'm feeling the same way right now and have the same problem. I think you got pretty good feedback. Don't know you that well but I'm pretty sure you haven't exactly f*cked up in life. Even posting something like this takes some effort on your part. I can't help but wonder if hartzofspace is right. Aspies can be hard on themselves. Well anyone can but I sometimes wonder if OCD doesn't contribute to that which is a part of AS. Just know that you're not f*cked up and your feelings are not that uncommon.

Damn hartzofspace, that's good.

Some people can be their own worst critic. Always finding the negative in themselves, and finding negatives that aren't really there seem to come more natural than saying to yourself..."well done, you did a great job".

I can completely relate to your post. I am forever critisizing myself, telling myself i'm not good enough and that I will never succeed. I think i'm a waste of space and that if I were to die, the world would benefit from it as there would be a free space for a worthwhile human being to enter and make a positive difference.
It's hard to make these thoughts go away once they are so embedded into your mind. It will take a lot of strength for you to push these thoughts away.
Something I try to do is to praise myself three times a day. Even if I don't believe it, I say it, because if you say something often enough, sometimes you really start to believe that it's true. Maybe you could try this.

I think that the cause of this is low self-esteem or possibly depression. I'm not a doctor though, so if you want to know officially why you think like this, then you should talk to your GP who might be able to recommend you to someone who can help you.

I hope things improve with you soon!

Thanks!

What is a GP, General Practitioner? I have health insurance but I haven't seen a doctor in years. I got a new (full-time) job a bit more than a year ago. I had my yearly review a little while ago. I thought they were going to fire me because sometimes I'm late and I make a lot of mistakes but they gave me a 22% raise and I didn't even ask for one. I guess that's how I knew my thoughts weren't aligned with reality.

Nice to hear your employer finds value in you.

So... a few days out from your first post here... how are you feeling?
Any different?

No, I haven't really improved. Usually what happens is I'm in my kitchen making a meal, I think of some event far in the past where I screwed things up or embarrassed myself (Like, with a girl or something), and say out loud "Wow, one day I should kill myself." Now. I am completely against suicide, 100%, and I would never do such a thing. Those are just the words I use to embarrass myself and I have for years.

I feel exactly the same way sometimes.

It's a problem of low self-esteem; probably because you lack achievements in life. It's not easy to deal with and sadly there's no magical cure for it....
Achievement is the key , you have to achieve something important.