My friend's birthday party - too scary! :(

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I have a friend called Kayleigh.
Don't get me wrong, I like her. The thing is, she's really loud and scary. She's not abusive to me, but she can be really gobby and insulting at times. She goes to the college famous for the gobby misbehaving chav kids. She is one of them, as are all of her friends.
It's her birthday party on Friday, and all her nasty friends who I've never met are gonna be there. I was speaking to her yesterday about it and she was warning me about how nasty her friends are, and how they won't like me because I'm a mosher, southerner (I moved to the north, still have my accent from the south), richer than them, quiet and weird. She's turning 17 and everyone's gonna be drinking and it's just so obviously gonna get out of hand.
I can't cope with that, I'm really scared! She knows darn well I can't even cope with going out these days, I'm socially phobic. Not that she helps me with these things at all. Thing is, for the past year I'd always say no if she asked to hang out with me and she got upset, I think.
Should I go to this party?

Definitely not. Going to this party sounds as if it would be setting yourself up for a horrible time. If she's your friend, and she knows that you are socially phobic, then she will understand (or SHOULD understand) that this would be incredibly difficult for you. When she has a party with people that you BOTH know and BOTH like, THAT'S the party you should attend!

Kris

Hey,
Thanks for the advice! I'm definately not gonna go, and thanks for explaining when it would be appropriate to attend a party
I'll pop around the day before and give her a gift and present. Two days before the party I'll pretend to be coming down with something. Sounds a good plan. It's a bit silly that she even invited me, I guess. Ah well.
Thanks!

It is. Why would anyone invite someone to a party when they know that person will be disliked by most of the people there?



Why not just tell her the truth?

I suppose being truthful would be the moral thing to do. However, I'm a bit scared to tell her the truth. She might get her friends to beat me up =[ Plus I'm rubbish at confrontation.

If she gets her friends to beat you up, she's not really much of a friend. It doesn't have to turn into confrontation; just tell her that the thought of her friends bothers you. If she has a problem with this, remind her that it was her that said that her friends were nasty and probably wouldn't like you.

What I would most likely do is tell your friend that you are sorry, but you won't be able to go to her party, but would love to take her out to (eat, movies, arcade... something you know she enjoys.) and ask when her next available day is.

If she asks why just tell her the truth, "I don't know your other friends very well and would feel out of place." If she presses just say "sorry, I'm not going to be able to come." Be firm but polite.

If you seriously think that she will "set" her new friends on you, then she wasn't much of a friend. A true friendship must be built on respect, and something like this would show the opposite. If she DOES set people on you I suggest letting authorities (ie the police) know and file a report.

Thanks for the advice.
Come to think of it, I have been questioning if she is that much of a friend. Your advice on how to say no is greatly appreciated. Thanks again,
Emma.