Figured out why I'm having so many meltdowns...

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Lately I've been having almost one meltdown a day. I haven't had this many since childhood. I had no idea what was causing all this, but I think I figured it out.

My whole routine has been totally disrupted. I'm basically living out of a duffel bag and my car (okay more like sleeping at the fiance's house four to five times a week), most of my stuff is in my overnight bag and my car. I don't know where anything is, as it's never where it should be. I am not waking up in the same bed everyday, my commute to work is different on some days.

So why am I staying over there so much? Well, I live an hour from him for one, and I like to spend time with him. He comes to my house sometimes, but no where as much as I go to his. He likes the comfort of his home, he runs his business out of it and has dogs he has to take care of and now an eleven year old nephew staying with him for a while. I was usually only going there on weekends, and maybe once a week after work (and not staying over), which I was fine with...that actually became my routine.

Somehow he recruited me to be part of a new band he's in (I play bass), and now we have practice until 11pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I have to stay there, or get home well after midnight on a work night. I'm also "expected" to stay there Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. So I'm only at my place two nights a week.

I'm actually fine with the idea of moving in with him...although kinda terrified...I don't like change, but I feel like I already live there anyway.

I just hate this in-between crap. I can't even go food shopping because I don't know when I'm ever going to be home so when I'm there there's never food. I'm forced to do laundry on the days I'm home because I never have any other time to do it. My home now seems foreign and strange to me.

He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with this situation. I like playing with the band, and I don't want to quit. I asked to hold the practices earlier, and maybe throw on in on a weekend day, so I can stay at my house more.....and he got mad at me, and said I didn't love him because I didn't want to spend time with him. That isn't the case. We've discussed me moving in, and he's cool with the idea, but then I have to get rid of most of my stuff, and find room for the stuff I'm keeping. And well...move, and I hate moving.

Anyway I'm pretty sure all this chaos is whats causing me to have constant meltdowns at work.

I agree with WonderWoman. I recently went through
something similar, and I just had to put my foot down
and take the path that led to stability in my life, eventually.
It feels selfish (and I'm still dealing with it), but it sounds
like you are already putting in tons of effort into this
relationship, and he's not meeting you halfway. If you (both)
can't "give-and-take" yourselves out of this situation, just
imagine what it will be like when you get hitched. It's not
just about where you live, but it's about your free time as
well, and essentially your mental health.

Somethings you mentioned about your situation are eerily
similar to mine. I was recruited to play bass in my ex-girl-
friend's band, also. She put the "you don't love me" trip on
me whenever I said I needed time to take care of my things.
AND...she got me kicked out of the place I was living in,
placing me in the whole emotional/physical hurricane we call
moving.

I have too much to say on this subject here. Feel free to PM
me if you'd like. I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

I'm pretty sure this would even drive an NT insane. I mean I was fine with the weekend thing. I did that pretty much throughout college and grad school. I also have a weekend job (not currently working during this summer), and I travel throughout the central part of the state I live in, and his town is more centrally located than mine is, so staying there is pretty convenient on weekends. I usually would go back to school/work on Sunday night, so my during the week routine was always the same.

It's the during the week nonsense that's driving me nuts. Every time I mention that I am unhappy he accuses me of not being "into him." He says he feels like I don't love him, and that I don't want anything to do with him. He gets livid if I'm watching the Food Network or the Weather Channel and he's trying to talk to me and I can't hear him. He doesn't understand that sometimes I'm in my own world, and if I can't hear him talking to me it's because I'm zoned out and hyperfocusing and I'm not ignoring him on purpose.....he thinks this is because the TV or the internet is more important than him, when really I just have a hard time shifting my focus. We have the same fight at least once a week about me "not being into him." Really I am, I couldn't imagine my life without him. When we're not having that fight, we get along really well....

Really I do feel homeless right now. I used to enjoy coming home from work, and cooking dinner, watching some TV then doing my bedtime routine (or rituals as the fiance calls them...you know face washing, night cream application, teeth brushing and flossing, etc.). Then reading a little and going to sleep. Waking up the next morning, having some tea and a snack, going to the gym, cooking breakfast, showering, preparing my lunch, and going to work. It was a routine. Certain days I cook certain foods, and I like it that way. Well that's pretty much gone to s**t. I'm having a hard time getting to the gym, and I have no food to cook at home. I can't keep a well stocked pantry in both houses, so I'm resorting to buying breakfast and lunch, and usually skipping dinner when I'm home, and doing the same thing at his place, only I eat a crappy dinner there. My diet, my sleep pattern (going to bed much later and waking up later), and my entire routine have changed.

I wouldn't mind living with him and being able to keep my routines at his house. Moving and planning a wedding are stressful, but not nearly as stressful as not really calling your home "home" anymore.

Definitely the chaos. You need to talk to your boyfriend about your problems and tell him that you can't cope.

Take care of yourself, if he can't understand where you are coming from write it down for him to read while you are not around. Just get it out. Your need for personal space and your need for routine is just part of who you are, make sure that he is accepting you for WHO you are and what you need. Everyone is different and he needs to be willing to accept the little things you do that he may not like quite as well.

I'm just getting out of a relationship with the "i don't feel like you love me." thing. It can be wearing and one should not have to prove his or her love for the other on a day to day basis, it just needs to be accepted. Make sure he respects your needs as well as you respecting his. Try telling him that you are a bit worn down for everything being all crazy and need a couple days to just veg at home, and then actually JUST VEG at home for a couple of days as much as possible. Taking a small break from everything might make jumping back into it a lot easier, who knows, you might start missing all the bustle.