Dead end

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I am not really even sure why I am writing this. Everyone has peaks and troughs. This is not so much self pity I am feeling, more hopelessness and confusion. I am perfectly lucid but I keep hitting dead ends and again I am weighing up the pro and cons of my somewhat pointless existence.

The only reason I am still here is because I do not want to cause distress to those who care about me. Since I left my last job I am just draining resources which are not mine to drain and are not really adequate to support me. I have achieved very little and whilst I may be a late bloomer, it is becoming clearer and clearer that time is running out to be making a decent enough contribution just to support myself let alone do something fulfilling and worthwhile.

I am not looking for sympathy here. Too much sympathy makes one soft. Too much reason makes one hard. I have had more support than I have ever needed or deserved and yet still I am in a mess. This is not low self esteem speaking for me, just cold hard fact. I need to find a logical solution in all of this which does NOT include the obvious: the easy and cowardly way out is something I have considered a great deal; I am still here, I don't want to rule out the idea that life is some kind of cosmic gift and therefore do not want to be ungrateful. Finding another job would be a good start but I have been very surprised how difficult finding ANY job (or at least one I know I will be able to keep) has been over the last few months.

I am bored even writing this so respect if you have managed to read this far. I worked out the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah on guitar earlier out of boredom but these kinds of useless achievements are precisely the problem (it was 20 minutes before I realised the need for a capo). I have an alarming ability to waste time; both my own and other people's. I can't stand to be alone at the moment but I also find other people immensely irritating. I would be finding this post immensely irritating if I were reading it. Just suck it up and get on with it. What a waste of time this has been. I wish I did not have so much time to waste. If anyone knows of any jobs going around this area that would suit a disorganised misanthrope that even employment agencies won't touch let me know. Otherwise i'm not really looking for help. Sorry for wasting your time if you did get this far. Isn't the internet wonderful?

You're approaching your 29 th year; first Saturn return. It is coming back to where it was when you were born.

This can be for many people a major turning point ( it was for me) when a whole new way of living begins, but the pull up to it, ( and Saturn does tend to go into retrograde quite a lot so the period just before and after can feel like you're just going backwards and forwards over the same things) can be really difficult, but when it hits you'll know it.

A whole new vision of life may surge into view, one with new goals and different interests.

Some people don't feel it so much because of how the planet aligns with others in your natal chart. But if you're feeling this dead end'ish then it is possible that it will mean something in your life.

So hang on, and good luck.

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Pull yourself together or try at least. We all come across such situations, more or less similar. Don't give up believing! Continue to search a job, meet your friends. Believe in yourself at first, make yourself believe. It's very hard, but worth trying anyway.

Said, and done. I was just playing Jeff Buckleys song, you tube style. I just search for "the oc first season ending"

Do you know what he mean with this lyric? "I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord"

Any idea at all what this is about?

I believe that song was originally written by Leonard Cohen. I am useless at interpreting lyrics.

As far as secret chords go I think the use of diminished fifths e.g D sharp + A like in the Jeff Buckley intro had some kind of religious significance. If I am not mistaken the use of these diminished fifths was outlawed by the catholic church for having evil or satanic significance.

<edit>
Apparently it is unlikely anyone was ever punished for use of the diabolus in musica, however these chords comprising of stacked dimished fifths are considered rather oppressive sounding and dissonant, lacking tonal centre. From experience it is a tricky chord to use unless you just stumble upon it when the chord progression you are writing demands it.

Anyone care to elaborate?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf36v0epfmI[/youtube]

I much prefer the Jeff Buckley version personally.

Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.

This is from the Bible. I think this is what the song author had in mind, you think?

I mean, I found some info about the church not playing certain chords/music, but, there is not any real reason to believe that is what the author is writing about, or what do you think?

"Secret chord" could be used beacause it is unknown what David played?

God sent an evil spirit to mess with Saul which could only be appeased by a certain chord? Hmm interesting. I am not in any way religious and the lyrics of this song have no particular significance for me truth be told, I just love the song itself; however...

(from wikipedia)
"The original recording is noted for containing biblical references in the lyrics, alluding to David's harp-playing used to soothe King Saul (I Sam 16:23), and his later affair with Bathsheba after watching her bathe from his roof (2 Sam 11:2). The line "she broke your throne and she cut your hair" is a reference to the source of Samson's strength from the Book of Judges chapter 16. The third verse mentions "the name" (Tetragrammaton). In these instances, the lyrics are overtly sexual. Jeff Buckley called his own rendition of the song an homage to "the hallelujah of the orgasm".[5]

In 1994, Cohen released a substantially different version on the 1994 live album Cohen Live, retaining only the final verse from the original recording. In this version, the lyrics became more sexual, and the song's structure was slightly reworked. Since his original studio album version, live performances by Leonard Cohen almost invariably include the final song verses not performed by Cale and many others. Many cover artists mix lyrics from both versions, and occasionally make direct lyric changes such as Rufus Wainwright singing "holy dark" and Allison Crowe singing "Holy Ghost" rather than "holy dove". Although individual words do change among various versions, apart from such examples of clear revision by interpreters, any variation may be due to selection from Cohen's complete lyrics rather than alterations by the cover artist.

I know Leonard Cohen reputedly has a good knowledge of the bible but last I heard he was a Buddhist? All I know is that if there really is a secret chord I would have played it by now as noodling around with weird chords is my thing. Maybe I need to learn to play the harp so I too can appease demons? Sounds a little far fetched.

Wikipedia also states that this song took over a year to write and that Cohen narrowed it down from around eighty verses to the song we know today. Talk about prolific!

It's hard I know. Check out an earlier post I made that might be useful to you.

Find creative outlet that has potential to make you money. Think about starting a business where your AS deficits won't hinder you much (i.e. online start up or something).

You have potential, just believe in your self.

I've heard of the matched betting thing before but never bothered to set up a bank account which allows online transactions. Interesting theory though if like me, one has a lot of time on their hands. I shall certainly do some more reading on the linked sites. I know people who have profited hansomley from responsible betting in the past. Maybe it's more of a European thing, along with siestas, ganja cafes and legal brothels! I noticed you got a fair bit of resistance from across the pond.

I have been looking in to the whole working for myself thing lately, just not perfected any schemes as yet.

The Devil's Diad, or tritone, as it is also known, is the bisection of the octave. For example, C to F# is a tritone; stacked it forms C-F#-C. It is difficult to sing the interval without training in Western 12-tone music, as it is very dissonant on its own. Was avoided in music theory rules for quite some time, although that rule was bent and broken by various composers over the years until it became a staple in jazz writing.


M.

I never tried to sing them before in harmonies but arpeggio (probably not the right word for singing, I know nothing of theory) of these chords are surprisingly difficult to master. I never noticed until I just tried now.

Is it true that some Eastern music uses a 24 step scale? It's tricky to get my head around other than if I try 1/4 tone stringbends on guitar which are imperceptibly subtle. I remember seeing an interview with the all powerful Steve Vai where he was raving about 48 fret guitars...

Scales can vary; the Western scale is an amended form of the mathematical values in order to create more stable and soothing harmonies (also builds upon overtones)... have listened to some electronic music by a professor at Oberlin who utilizes a 96-tone octave - essentially each note on the keyboard broken into 8 'slices'. Real fine adjustments; Tori Amos uses some 'detuned' pianos and harpsichords on her earlier works in particular that are interesting... the intervals between notes are not those you learned to sing, typically speaking. It's an interesting thing - love theory.


M.