"You should" or "you shouldn't" is a for

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Ana54
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14 Aug 2008, 10:09 pm

Why do people say, with sincerity and passion, "You should do this" or "Don't do that."? Instead of "Why do you do this?" or "I don't understand the reason why you don't do that"? What do you think? I'm a victim of this lately.



release_the_bats
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14 Aug 2008, 11:14 pm

I don't get it either. I don't like to tell anyone what to do, just like I don't like to be told what to do. And that's a strange concept for many people, who seem to want the entire population to consist of leaders and followers.

I like to simply provide information, such as, "When something similar happened to me, I . . . " or "Have you considered this option?" or "Did you know that . . . ? And have you looked into . . ? I know I would if I were making that kind of decision."

I think the purpose of giving advice is to offer a point of view the person might not have thought of on their own. This helps them to make a more fully informed decision. It's weird that so many people turn advice into commands.



Keith
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14 Aug 2008, 11:41 pm

:) Glad to see there are more with the same view as myself. Give suggestions rather than order... Why is that so hard for the stereotypical NT?



TokenX
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15 Aug 2008, 12:17 am

I very much agree with this, and it really annoys me if, when I ask them, they reply with "umm..just because lol" or something of that nature. Often times I'll catch myself saying "you shouldn't ____" though, but at least I'll have a logical response if they ever challenge my opinion.



-JR
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15 Aug 2008, 1:03 am

I'm guilty of starting off a lot of my "helpful" hints with "you should"... :oops:

When I'm aware of it, I stop it immediately. I absolutely HATE being told what to do. "Suggestions" or subtle ways of telling me things irritates no end. When my neighbors mention my hair looking nice, I KNOW they say it so I'll keep my hair that way. When my dad mentions a thing he would like to have around Christmas time, I cross that off my list, if I was already planning on getting it for him. When I'm planning on doing something, and a person tells me I should do that thing, I get annoyed and might just not do it. It seems the more people try to hide their true intent, the more I rebel against that. When someone's straight up with me, it seems to be easier for me to take. Anything less feels like a sort of manipulation, which I absolutely detest.


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