Hallucinations. As well as insomnia.
"First A slight background
Quote:
(I am a 25m who was finally diagnosed at the age of 23. Looking back over my early school years I had several meltdowns early on. I was first put under scrutiny in I believe 2-3rd grade due to my high test scores and difficulties with me in class. The results form my first sets of fairly significant several days of school analysts testing me and watching me in classes, brought about my parents seeking more professional help then ensued several days of testing at "University of Pittsburgh" and an ultimate diagnosis of small motor skills deficiency. The school district was looking for an "ADD" or "ADHD" diagnosis as that was in vogue at the time. Meanwhile I was put in a couple of special education as well as a couple of above level classes. I was a social out cast and had very few social skills. Somewhere, in this time period was the first time I thought about suicide. I will say around 8 or 9 years of age. So I go through finish high school getting out of all of the remedial programs along the way and then ending up taking college level courses for most of my senior year. All is basically the occasional break or meltdown and otherwise just an unhappy smart teenager. First year of college go off to school drop out of school 2 weeks into the second semester after talking to a therapist and getting a diagnosis of depression social anxiety. Leave school come home go onto first anti depressant.)
Jump to 7 years and numerous drugs later. And we are at my Last week or two from Hell. Start Psycopharmacologist and I decide that the current set of drugs I am on are not working out for me. Decided go to a completely clean slate which I do drooping off of Prozac 40mg, Trazadone 175mg, Adderal 30mg xr 10mg instant. I get to keep my as needed 1mg xanax which I mostly drop off anyways. I get clean after about a month. My doctor starts me off on luvox CR 100mg for first week 200mg second week 300mg third week if I feel up to it. At night tells me it should help me sleep. (it didn't). So I get to 300mg and take it for 2 days and Start into a complete mixed manic or hypo-manic state. This is Saturday I'm seeing doc on Tuesday I talk to him and drop to 150mg. Xanax as needed for sleep. Make it through hoping that I might still get a positive result from the luvox. Tuesday we make the decision that this drug is detrimental to my well being causing a hypo-manic state and insomnia for several days. Move onto Remeron 15mg at night first night sleep like a baby dream amzingly vivid dreams. Second day can't stay awake am drowsy, second night even more vivid dreams hallucinating a little bit. Third night woke up in a terror after the most terrible and realistic dream / hallucination. Fell back asleep, Woke up in the morning to a euphoric hyper realistic surreal dream where I was almost having to climb and claw my way out of my state of sleep. I felt drowsy and fell asleep again in the morning after having a large cup of coffee and hallucinated and had a conversation with my mother which I have no recollection of. I decided after calming down from a meltdown not to go anywhere near the remeron again. And now after 5mg of xanax it is 4:30am and I first attempted to go to sleep yesterday at 11pm.
I am having trouble with figuring out what to do next it seems that I am somewhat towards the treatment resistant side of drug therapy for depression and anxiety. I guess I am looking for new ideas. I am getting towards the point where I am seriously considering ECT and have been discussing it as a viable possibility in my treatment.
I'm wishing I could sleep I'm hoping for a better tomorrow.
I would Love to hear from anyone who has had positive experience with ECT.
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Wandering through an alien environment wanting to understand. And also wanting to find happiness in my life. Wondering if that will ever happen.
30 Aug 2008, 3:43 am
