I need help

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I was in bed and I tried to strangle myself with my sheets.

I wraped them around my neck and tried to chock myself. I held it there for about 10 seconds , then I let go.

I let go because I dont want to leave my boyfriend here alone.

I tried to kill my self, It hasent sunk in yet but I did.

I tried because I was angry at myself I think I am a horrable person and this is what I deserve . I feel like I should punish myself.

I would commit myself to a hospital but they will put me on medication and thats what got me in this situation in the first place.

The meds are comming out of my system and they still cause side effects when they come out of my body.

This is one reason I am all over the place right now.

I am scareing myself right now because this isent me I dont act like this.

I dont want to hurt myself but I am fighting the urge to all the time.

I think the reason I think I am such a bad person is because my family make me feel like I am.

They would not care if I died I know that for shure.

I need help of some kind. but I refuse to be medicated again.

You have to remember, or know, that the feelings you are experiencing is depression. The feelings of helplessness, of worthlessness, and of feeling that no one would care are all part of the disorder.

The right medication will help to alleviate those feelings, and then you will be able to cope with what is going on in your life.

You need to be talking to someone. If you are in school, then talk to a cousellor. If you aren't, you need to confide in your parents and tell them you need help.

Wanting to hurt yourself is part of the depression.

Get some help, and give the medications time to work. It does get better. Trust me, I've been there.

I toled my boyfriend about what happend.

He is going to keep a eye on me 24/7 for the next few days untill I feel like I am not going to harm myself.

I am did the responaible thing and told someone , so I am proud of myself

I'm terrible at helping people, but it's good that you can at least 'think outside the box' as so to speak; you know, anybody, family or not, are not worth your esteem if they make you feel as bad as this- my family can make me feel very bad about myself too, but now I see their attempts at debasing me as a sign that they are just not worth listening to.

You are clearly an altruistic individual by your attitude towards your boyfriend; use him as your mirror- not your family (because you can't choose them in the first place- they are ascribed, not achieved).

There's your answer.

Those I care for are those that keep me alive; I don't have any care without them.

just-me,

1. Well done for telling someone. That takes a lot of strength.

2. Horrible person...
Sorry... you've provided absolutely no evidence whatsoever. I've never seen anything on WP to suggest that you're horrible therefore you're not.

3. Meds
Quite likely. You probably need to get a feel for how long it should take to get them out of your system. That way you'll know if there's anything else causing problems.


Good luck...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olanzapine

This is the medication that is comming out of my system right now. i know this because I am having the side
effects form the medication.

My doctor said it can take up to 4 years for my medication to come out of my system.

Thank you gbollard ,Danielismyname , lexis and DevonB for posting . It means alot to know that people care.

You are all good people and I thank you for your help and support.

Wow. I'm normally very open minded about medication but that one is pretty serious stuff. Reading through the side-effects I have to wonder which is the worse of the two evils. I'm glad that your boyfriend is being supportive because I think you probably need someone close by.

I figured that 4 years was a bit much, so I had a look to see long it takes to get out of someone's system and I found the following...
Obviously, don't believe the net over your doctor - but if there's sufficient doubt, maybe a second opinion would help.

Good luck.

http://www.crazymeds.us/ZyprexaDosage.html

How to Stop Taking Zyprexa: Your doctor should be recommending that you reduce your dosage of Zyprexa by 5mg a day every six days if you need to discontinue Zyprexa. Making it a week is just easier to remember. For more information, please see the page on how to safely stop taking these crazy meds. You can stop cold turkey if it's an emergency, but I wouldn't recommend doing that without a doctor's supervision. The major problem with stopping antipsychotics is a sudden return of your symptoms.

So if you're at 15mg a day you take 10mg a day next week, 5mg a day the week after that and then you're done.

If you've worked your way up to a particular dosage, it's usually best to spend this many days at the next lowest dosage before going down the next lowest dosage before that and so forth. This is the least sucky way to avoid problems when stopping any psychiatric medication. Presuming you have the option of slowly tapering off them.

Average Time it Takes for Zyprexa to Clear Out of Your System: An average of six days to get clean of Zyprexa.

Actually I think my doctor was refering to all the medications I was on , not just that one.

I had been taking medications sence age 6.
I have always been over medicated , taking up to 5 diffrent pills 3 times a day.

I have been off for almost a year I think , but I dident write down the day or month I stoped taking them.

My doctor explained to me that some medications take longer to come out then others. I was on quite a few when he started tapering me off of them. he said the longest time it could take is 4 years.

I still get the effects from them from time to time .

I looked up my list of side effects on the net and matched them to that medication. I am not shure if thats the one comming out right now , it was just an educated guess.