My Thoughts on my own actions

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Ever since I started school I have always been the loner, the outcast and the one they deem different. I might as well be in a different universe to the people whom I've always had to work along side. They all seem obsessed with keeping up with trends and what not, whilst I want to make a difference in the world.

None of this has ever bothered me really. Sure, there have been times when I've felt so alone and deperate, but its always been a passing phase. The real problem is what was created along side this, which is my own foolishness and stupidity, for I am very naive when it comes to judging peoples true intentions. If a person acts friendly towards me, I always let down my guard too quick, trust them too quick, and every time it has ended in pain.

Every since last year a barrier between myself and everyone aound be has been erected. I feel that I have to keep my distance for fear of it happening again.

I keep a journal of all my dreams and their means. For the past few months, all my dreams have contained the same thing; A warning against tretery or deciet from those I trust. Linking this with my own foolishness it seem enevitable that soon it will happen again, but I am wary of who will betray me this time. I have three friends whom I trust greatly, but I fear that it will be one of them to turn their back on me. All three of them know I have AS. If one of them were to betray me, and word got out, my life would be an absolute hell.

And that is why, I am scared.

Hey FieryGatoh, well first of all I'd like to express my sympathy for you. I remember being in school and I remember not liking it. Just try and remember that life is probably going to be a bit easier when you leave..........people tend to be a bit more understanding.

Secondly, and I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear, the only thing that you can do about you're fear of betrayal is try and put it into the back of you're mind. The truth is that people might betray you and then again they might not. I've been through this problem of trust myself and the only solution I found was too try and ignore my fear. If people betray me in some way I just stop talking to them and think to myself that if that's what their really like then I'm better off without them.

But if you constantly think that anyone could betray you at any moment then you end generally mistrusting people and quite possibly ruining you're chances of meeting good honest people.

I know this is extremely difficult to do but just try and trust you're friends until they give you a reason not too and try not to give them a reason to betray you. Hope that helps a little.