Where is my place?

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I am a hard-working, mature, idealistic, goal-oriented guy, yet I feel that I am consistently out of favor with nearly everybody.

NTs don't want to be my friend, and neither do other Aspies (in fact, I recently lost contact with a fellow Aspie who I considered a very good friend).

Liberals shun me because I am not a vegetarian and my dream car is an SUV. Conservatives shun me because I disagree with evangelical Christian doctrines and watch animated sitcoms such as South Park and Family Guy.

I am 28 years old, and college-age students think I am too old, yet everybody else thinks I'm too young.

I am worried that there are no people who want me as a friend or more, and I am convinced that the problem is with me.

No, there are alot of "mixed trait" people out there. Do you feel like a dicotomy sometimes? I stuggled for years mixing my fundie upbringing with my love of zoology. Logic clashing with emotion. not fitting in perfectly in any group. Sometimes feel like a "split person" I can change from discussing theology "good Angela" to ornithology Angela talking about bird evolution, to video game nerd Angela, in the same day. It's an exausting strategy, but gets you more accepted... thogh sadly all those groups have no clue of the other sides of me.

It's not your fault.

Hey man, your place is where YOU want it to be. Not everyone likes us, but its not everyone who hates us either. it may seem that way but the good people realize the truth. I got friends who stay in contact with me even though Im the worst at doing the same. IF thats the case, then even you have someone wishing you'd see how they were doing as well. You have friends, you just cant tell the difference between them and everyone else. Friends give you crap and expect it right back. Everyone else gives you crap because it makes THEM feel better. They cant stand that someone is listening to you or that you're accepted at all for who you are so they discriminate and turn others against you. I've learned its best to just be blatantly honest. Those who cant deal with me being different dont matter. But i always tell new people i work with or meet, Hey Im different because I was born autistic(dont say aspergers cause no one knows what that is). Some accept it, some wont. Thats just life my friend.

And you can always say, "hey, if I do something that offends you, you need to let me know in a fair manner. If you attack me for something I did and was unaware of it, I'll fight back. But If you approach me and say hey can I talk to you privately, and then calmly explain what you didnt like, I'll work on it for you. I just dont know all my bad habbits yet"

People take that a lil better than, "I cant change" or wont or anything else you could say. Its hard being the bigger man but I've found its worth it more.

"No matter where you go, there you are."

Give up on trying to please people, you'll never win. Just be yourself. You may not have many friends, but at least you'll know the ones you have like you for who you are, not who you try to be.

We are all our own worst enemy.

Tim_Tex,

You've shown yourself here to be all of the things you've described. Honesty, integrity and loyalty go a long way and are all desirable traits for any relationship. Have you ever been to an aspie group? Maybe you should check into one of them. Meeting other aspies in person really opened my eyes (especially since i'd never met on before in my life) and you'd be surprised at how many of them share similar interests as yourself.

I think that's the nature of autism, we are 'fish out of water', we are out of place, on the 'wrong planet', this is not our home, these (NTs)are not our people.

The place where I picked up friends and a social life was in office work, if you want to meet people don't work alone. I never made friends at uni because I was a mature age student, maybe it's the same for you. Currently I no longer work, so the people I've gotten to know lately are other dog owners or christians of various types. Everyone is eccentric where I know live (a country town) so that helps too. I felt eccentricity was very much disapproved of in cities.

I am a lot of opposites too.

I'm the same way. It feels like there are 15 or 20 different versions of me at the same time, all fighting for dominance. And it's really because I don't fit any sterotypical group. I have hippie ideals, yet I cut my hair and hate drugs. I have christian ideals, yet I don't go banging on peoples doors telling them they need to be saved, nor do I agre with all the yap that the shrub spreads. I love all animals yet have no problem eating meat. I have an insanely black and white veiw of justice yet I break the law daily just by existing. I have rather strict personal morals as to what I will do, yet I've discussed sex in church, and not in the 'not till marrige' sense.

It's hard. No one really knows the real me. I know they all think they are my friend, but if you don't truely know a person, then you aren't that good of friends. I actually usually push people away because of that. I don't like having people around who don't know me, but because I'm such a contradiction in one body, they never had a chance.

I still feel like I ruin everything I touch. I had always thought Aspies would be more accepting than NTs, because I always ended up losing the few NT friends I had, but that hasn't happened either.

When I see the "(insert WP member) appreciation threads", and the one I made collected dust, while others' similar threads get tons of hits, I take it very personally.

I had my own deleted lol

hasn't come back since
which I am glad for

I'm not going to bother with another one.

your problem is
you expect things
you can't do that
or you'll be set up for a big shock

I only talk to 1 person here on a regular basis
1 and I have been here a long long time
...never assume just because your nice things will be good for you

I mean it's like you're supposed to talk about the "right" topics, even in the Aspie world, if you are to make friends.

aspies are no different then NT's to me
I have friends-maybe nor really here but elsewhere

that's all I care about personally
you limit yourself

So no matter what people I am trying to be friends with, I have to talk about whatever everyone else is talking about and belong to a specific social class?