i think my dad is ashamed of me

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I have terrible problems with low self esteem, always have, even from very young. I dont feel like blaming anyone, but sometimes i blame my dad for making me feel like this. I always got the feeling that he never loved me, though he says he does. When I was younger he openly showed me that he prefered spending time with my more 'expressive' cousins instead of me.

He always gave me puzzling looks, as if I'm some sort of freak because I am quiet, and he never spent one day doing something with me. Our only father-son time was when he took me to watch amateur soccer at the nearby fields, however he left me to sit all alone, while he spent time laughing and chatting with his buddies. He left me to sit far away as if he was ashamed to show me to his friends.

I get the feeling that he is ashamed of me, because I am not loud and talkative and because I don't fit in with everyone else.........

I had a recurring dream last night of me being angry with my father for not liking me. I fell really let down by him because I never get into trouble or cause any misery to him, yet nothing I do is good enough. I feel guilty blaming him although I know if he showed me half the attention he shows other peoples kids i would have more confidence in myself........

Hm, that's not nice. Fathers should support their children, no matter how 'freak' they are. Indeed, without a supporting father, things might get worse, certainly for someone lacking a positive self esteem, so I think your father is to blame for a part of it. I can't understand a father not helping his son, playing with him, loving him, even when his son is a nitwit.

Is your mother acting more positive towards you? Maybe she might be of help in this.

My mum is my rock, without her I dont know where I would be. The only problem is that she is very busy with work and she never used to pay me attention because of that. I did everything on my own as a kid which I didnt mind, however the response (or lack thereof) from my father has always been a bit of a dampener.

I do suffer from depression and the last few days have been a little tough, I woke up this morning and I just didn't feel right. When I feel like this I tend to think negatively and feel upset about past things.........

When I was a child my mom yelled at me a lot. I grew up resenting her and wondering why she didn't love me. I was angry for a long time. Now, I look back and realised that I was a troubled kid, something was not right with me. She probably sensed this too and it may have been a case of administering some 'tough love' to get me to be normal.

I think a lot of us have similar stories about being neglected as kids but we gotta realise that it probably wasn't easy for our parents. I do believe most parents love their kids and try to do the best they can.

Keep your chin up, don't let this world get the best of you.

I know I'm a disappointment to my father. The main reason he wants me to go into some kind of therapy for my social problems is not because he thinks it would make life easier for me, but because of how I make him look. He's told me to my face that I embarrass him.

Thats sad hovis, my dad has told me hates me on a few occassions. I dont think he means hate though, I think he means he is embarassed.



Thanks hal, sometimes it's difficult though.

I dont really feel any resentment to my dad but more resentment to myself. I feel I am wrong, incorrect by being the way I am, becuase if I were different (not quiet/asocial)he would like me the way he likes others who are more like him.............

I think it is partly your father's foult you feel like this about yourself. I can know; my father yelled at me for many years, I couldn't even sit in a relaxed way or he would snap. What he's doing is wrong. I don't know how old you are, but the only thing I can advice you is to move out as soon it is legally possible. Get out there, his negativeness can destroy. If you aren't old enough, I can only say you mustn't let it get to you. Always remember he has a problem, not you. Whatever he says, it is nothing but his madness and inability to see what's really important. He's blinded by his stupidity (in this matter at least, I don't know how he is in general). My father had his issues too. Though my father was suffering (probably) from a severe depression, and your father's behavior is due to other things, it comes down to the same, that both of them don't/didn't see that what they're doing is completely wrong and ret*d. I think that your father's reasons/excuses to treat you this way, are very weak, and what he's doing is wrong. Just wrong, it's that simple. It is mean and low.

Thanks for the advice crocodile, I wish I could leave but at the moment it's just not practical.
The words and behaviour of my dad don't have much of an impact on me nowadays, however it did have a major impact on me earlier on in life. I just get cant let go of all the pain and misery of things which happened in the past as a result of this. I guess psychologically I should distance myself from him and the way he treated me.

Here's another possible take on this:
I felt similar about my dad. Why he acted the way he did is I reminded him so much of himself at my age, and it hurt him to see me having the same problems. It seemed to make him uncomfortable around me. My mom, who couldn't understand me, no issues.

Personally, I'd just say, "Meh, f*** him!" but that's probably not what you want to hear. If he's going to be like that, you don't need him.

It sounds like i wanna blue needs people who are like family who will not be ashamed of him and spend time with them. I wanna blue, you can PM me if you want, and we can hang out online together.

IWB, it sounds like his weakness hurts you. And you realize that already, and that's a positive. So, don't feel guilty for being angry at him. It's better than being angry at yourself for not pleasing him. Some people are just looking for approval from others, constantly.

You'll be okay. I can tell.

Yeh, and my father doesn't give a damn about myself, as if he didn't even realise he's got a daughter...

My mum used to forever pick on me about something and everything.

I guess my son used to get on my nerves, for what ever reason (he is very like me) and I would act irritable or irritated with him. But I am crazy about him, always have been, I love him heaps and heaps.

Human relationships are complex, I don't really know what your dad feels are about you, but maybe it would be a good idea to tell him how he makes you feel. He needs to think about what he is doing, and perhaps he needs to be made more aware of his behaviour.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Really appreciate it...............

It's nice to know that you're not the only one, eh?

My dad was an abusive alcoholic, for whom nothing I did was ever good enough. If I did something right, I took too long ... If I did it quickly, I did it wrong ... If what I did was both right and quick, then I should have been doing something else ...

I left home a week after graduation, and spend about thirty years trying to prove to my dad that I was worthy of his praise. No such luck. He never really changed; he only became more cunning in his methods of putting me down, especially in front of the rest of the family. He died alone.