a 24 yr. old good for nothing

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i don't know why God had the nerve to put me here in this world because of the following:

-my dad left me when i was 3.
-kids made fun of me at school.
-i was put in a foreign boarding school where the kids & teachers were worse.
-i was put on Special Ed. thru middle & high school where they took me off Chorus & Theater.
-i had bad grades & didn't fit in with anyone...even thru fashion & beauty school.
-of all the music bands i saw in concert, i never got to see Take That on stage who i've been a fan of for 16 yrs.
-i'm 24 and unemployed.
-i have no friends.
-i'm not beautiful.
-my mom hates me.
-i can't do anything right.
-i'm going back to my country where there's no help for people like me.
-and finally, i'm an Aspie.

is there a reason for me to exist?

Hi ttqs84. I am no therapist, but I do have Asperger's. That's a pretty heavy thing to say you have when you think about it. I have found it quite interesting to tell people I know, "Guess what, I have autism." They look at me like, "What?" But you know what---that is how God made me. Now I don't know your religious preferences---and I am not trying to push religion on you. But I have to relate this as it relates to me too, so come along for the ride please. I am a Christian. I have often wondered why God chose to make me autistic. I mean, we can feel pretty down can't we? My mother tells me that even though I was delivered by C-section and nearly died---God must have had a plan for me. I have found that plan. I am beginning a ministry of hope at local churches in my area of Ohio. I am taking my hammered dulcimer and playing songs, and telling inspirational stories of hope in between. I am 44 years old, and it has taken me many years to discover what God intended for me to do. But I have made it. I just took a long time to find it. But He was patient with me.

I think what I am trying to tell you is this---there is a reason why you are on this earth. It may take some time to find out what it is---that's life. But you will find it---if you look for it. And when you find it, you will feel new and alive like you never have before. Part of the fun of life is looking for yourself. You may find it tomorrow, or in twenty years or so. But you will find it.

Please quit dwelling on all the negatives---they will eat you alive. Keep a journal of good things that have happened to you. Keep a journal of the talents and hobbies you have. Keep a journal of things that make you feel good. Refer to those things and focus on them. Participate in those hobbies, or whatever you enjoy, whenever you can.

Will you please keep in touch with me and let me know how things are going? Never give up. Nothing is impossible to achieve.

You ended your post by saying, "-and finally, I'm an Aspie...is there a reason for me to exist?" I have already said, "yes," there is a reason for you to exist and that you will find it. For the Aspie part---take pride in it. I love being unique---so being an Aspie is something I treasure---even if it does have its down traits. I brag about it. If there was a cure for it, I would refuse it. I do not want to be a neurotypical. To no longer be autistic would make me not me. And you would not be you. And you might say, "I don't like me." But remember, have you really found yourself yet? Until you find what you are supposed to do in life, how can you know if you like yourself? You are young. Gee---I was still living with Mom and Dad when I was 25---typical Aspie, but I made it. You will too.

Keep positive. Life is an adventure---and you are not alone in this Aspie world. We have all felt horrible about ourselves. But for every teardrop, there is a smile if you allow it in your life.

You opened your post with "I don't know why God had the nerve to put me here in this world...". So I assume you believe in God. So I am going to put in a private unspoken prayer request for you at church tomorrow---I will simply say during prayer requests, "I have an unspoken." And I will pray for you quietly. My prayer is that you will discover your meaning in life and feel better about yourself.

Yes. If you were to cease to exist without any of the things you list (many of which are shared with many others) being improved, resolved or changed in any way, then your truly remarkable survival through all these years would have been rendered vain. By any measure you must have had great courage and reserves of inner strenth (though it certainly may not have felt that way either at the time nor feel that way in retrospect) to make it this far, especially if your statement th. But all of us, sooner or later can feel the sheer cumulative effect of all the evils, sorrows and suffering in life weigh down on us so heavily that we feel the burden is too great for us to bear.

Very few people believe that they are beautiful; those that are convinced of their beauty are not invariably popular (admittedly many outwardly beautiful people can gain a certain form of popularity; for many this can come at various forms of cost depending on their choices that can start to feel as oppressive and lonely as the sense that no one could ever find one attractive; many people are trapped in situations they never intended to be in. Once when I was younger back in surreal To be honest beauty is fairly complex; at times there seems to me a conspiracy in many societies to focus on a narrow list of criteria for beauty that closes people's eyes to any other style of even outward beauty; lip-service is paid to the idea of inner beauty, but it can start to seem

Nine years ago I would never have believed that I would have continued to live single even so long as I have (I will be twenty seven in January 2009) without either seeking refuge in insanity or giving up on the struggle to be, do or seek good and given my life over to the pursuit of my own interests at the expense of others, turning utterly to evil. I have been spared this not by own efforts alone but through what I can only describe as various manifestations of grace (I hope my choice of words does not cause discomfort or fear that I am seeking to exploit your misery for any cause.)

Don't put yourself down like that. A human being is all potential.

There's a virtue in suffering you know. It builds strength and shows strength. Be proud to have lived through everything.

Wow, I have went threw that same kind of stuff growing up.
I am 24 and unemployed also and felt like I didn't want to live for to many years, then I took up bike racing and finally found that I was good at something, and it gave me a reason to live.
I can relate, I was made fun of, got into fights all the time, never had any friends, was in sped classes, abused by parents, lived off and on with my grandmother, abused by parents some more. I could go on and on listing the bad things that have happened to me.
I believe all these bad things have crafted me to be a stronger person. This has made me a stronger bike racer, gives me the ability to push myself harder then the average. You are good and talented at something, you need to find what that is and pursue it. Life isn't easy and never will be, depression has a way of only letting you see the bad things, when I pursued something that made life worth living I could see all the good thing that have happened.

So what if you dont have a job? It does not matter. I may never be able to work , but you know what? At least I dont HAVE TO work. I can rest and be on dissablity. I would say thats a big plus.

If you want to work just keep trying you will get there with time. Becides in this economy alot of people arent working because there arent any jobs.

I do not have many friends but if you need a friend I'll be your friend. just pm me anytime.

I'm shure your pretty and just dont know it.
Fpr years I thought I looked like a man, (yes I know its silly )
I used to think I looked dreadfull. but now I know the girls in school toled me I looked that way because I am very preety and they were jellious.

I'm sorry you and your mother don't get along but just remember your a wonderfull caring person and some day she may see that too.

You can do things right. You came here when you were feeling sad , thats the right thing to do. Your talking about your problems which is very healthy. And your definitly doing the right thing by doing that! You should pat your self on the back for that.

If your country dosent help people with AS mabie you can help yourself. I never got ANY help for my AS my fahter still denies I even have it (even though it says it on my evaluation.)

I learned everything I did by reading on the net. You can ask for advice on socal skills here. You can look up how to reduce your symptoms on the net. You can give yourself the therapy you need right from home.

Being an aspie is a blessing and a curse. You are probibly sad because you have it but you shouldent hate yourself. You are a very good person just look at your self and what you do during the day. you will probibly find the things you do are out of love and caring rather then spite.

Dont beat your self up your a good person and you have a very good reason to be here. Becides I need a friend ,mabie thats why your here.

Everything happens for a reason , just dont give up! You can and will do good things in your life , just believe in yourself!

Most of the things you mention are about how people treat(ed) you- therefore those things don't mean that you are worthless, just that too many people in your life so far have serious problems. Asperger's makes life difficult in many ways, but remember that many great people had/have AS. And even NT's have problems. You're just human! Don't concentrate on what others think of you- just try to be the best you that you can be.

Ttgs84, I can't believe people at school who were supposed to be helping you were cruel and/or stupid enough to take you off of chorus and theater. That is very, very wrong.


you aren't worthless. Don't let people tell you that if they're telling you that. I'm 20 and have no job (and never kept one for longer than 4 days), I was mediocre in school, and I had no friends for years until I met people on this site, but if someone called me worthless I wouldn't just take it; I'd probably poke their eye out.

Ttgs84, I can't believe people at school who were supposed to be helping you were cruel and/or stupid enough to take you off of chorus and theater. That is very, very wrong.


you aren't worthless. Don't let people tell you that if they're telling you that. I'm 20 and have no job (and never kept one for longer than 4 days), I was mediocre in school, and I had no friends for years until I met people on this site, but if someone called me worthless I wouldn't just take it; I'd probably poke their eye out.

did i ever mention i'm not smart either. i don't think i'm cut out to even give myself treatment. no wonder why i'm brain-dead.

There's no god and the only reason why you exist is because your parents brought you to life , stop thinking that there's someone in the clouds had sent you to a mission that you have to succeed.

The only reason why we to exist is to assure the survival of the human species by breeding or by participating in human's development or both : choose your path.

I don't know if ttqs84 believes in God or not. But I do. And as human beings, we have a right to believe in God if we choose. I do not push religion on people, and I think that was made clear in my post. And, you should not tell people there is no God just because you do not believe. It is a personal choice.

Here is something to ponder. I believe in God and nothing that can be said can make me change my mind. But, you will say that I cannot prove that God exists. True---I probably cannot convince you. But---you cannot prove that God does not exist.

Just as Aspies want tolerance from NTs, we should be respectful of religion as well. Let's leave it to personal choice.

Wow, thats pretty serious. Where did your father go?

Life doesn't exist for a reason. But is never getting to see a band a reason to be upset about? No offense, it just doesn't fit in with the more serious problems.

that's 'cuz you don't understand. you're not in my shoes to even see why i'm a big fan of theirs, dammit! let's assume that you're a big fan of anime/manga. can you live without it? i don't think so. SO, DON'T EVEN BOTHER TELLING ME WHY I SHOULDN'T BE UPSET OVER A MUSIC GROUP I'VE BEEN A FAN OF FOR 16YRS. THAT I'VE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO SEE IN PERSON. THEY'RE A BIG PART OF MY LIFE & I AIN'T PLAYING!

In all honesty, I could live without it. There are other important things. I'm sorry if you've been a fan for 16 years, but I still think not getting to see a concert is not really that big a deal compared to the other things in your life. As for me, do you think I'll ever get to go to Japan? No, but I won't list that as one of the reasons my life is going down the crapper. Anime/manga is a big part of my life, but I think I could live without going to the holy paradise that is Nihon (sarcasm intended). As such, there are bunch of bands that I've loved for years, but I'm content with just listening to their albums and enjoying their music. Is seeing them live that big a deal? What are you expecting to get like an autograph or something?