update

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so here's an update on my crazy life.

mammy went back with steve's brother. her mind kept slipping. she kept trying to escape in the middle of the night too. she actually got off the couch and scooted to the kitchen (she is bedridden and only has one leg). as soon as that happened we got a futon and two rails and had to keep her penned in at night (she has a hospital bed at steve's brothers and they have to do the same thing). she was just getting really bad. she tried to bite me once and was cussing everyone out. she pooped on the couch. she took her dress off and refused to put it back on, etc etc etc. so steve's brother decided to bring her back to familiar surroundings and see if it helped a little.

at least they were able to get a good break. and they do have home health care every week day which we didn't have. they said too they were going to go ahead and get the cataracts taken off so she can see again.

then i got the mentally handicapped couple i help moved to a town closer to us. that was so hectic, but the worst is done and they are in government subsidized housing. they went from an efficiency apartment to a two bedroom, so they feel like they are in a mansion. and it will be so much easier for me now.

my diabetes seems to be getting under control with the minor changes i've made. my average is down to 112. i see the dietician and diabetic educator tomorrow. i don't look forward to that because i don't want to be overwhelmed.

i'm goind out of my mind with two teenagers at home!! !! !! !! i can't wait for steve to get home so he can help me.

speaking of which, steve comes home this thursday. he will have done 30 days there. he was the only voluntary on the ward--all the others were court ordered. i'm a little nervous about him being back, but he sounds really good. we talk on the phone virtually every day and it's my steve i'm hearing. it's been nearly six years since i've heard him.

at first they were doping him up and he refused all of it except an antibiotic (he came down with a sinus infection), an antideppresant, and serequil to help him sleep. he said the serequil really is working. he said he actually read a 570 page book and understood it!! !! ! that's really something for him.

he says he's ready to come home. like i said, i'm a little nervous, but steve knows how to stay sober. he had almost 9 continuous years in at one time. so he knows what to do.

and at the hospital they wouldn't let him go to his room in the day time. he has basically lived the last six years in our bedroom as a phantom of a person. i think that was one of the best things for him was to force him to get out of the bedroom. plus he has started walking. he's up to walking laps around the hospital 3 times a day and has lost 19 pounds. another 5-10 pounds and he'll be at the weight he should be.

as long as he stays sober and doesn't get trapped back in this bedroom again, i am soooooo ready for him to be home. i've basically been a single mother for the past six years and i just can't do it any more. the kids (benjamin in particular) keep saying he can't wait for dad to get home, but steve says he's going to be in for a rude awakening. benjamin knew how to manipulate steve when he was basically lost in the bedroom, but steve would never have let this stuff go on before. i'm sure there's going to be some butting heads when steve comes back.

i'm hoping too that once he gets back we can get a solid routine going and actually start meeting with the autism specialist. right now it's been such a struggle to make it day to day that that's the only thing my therapist and i could work on. i definitely need that routine though, and if steve is back (my steve!! !! not this lost steve of six years), then he can really help me get the kids in that routine. he was always higher functioning than me up until six years ago. hopefully he will be again, but i know it won't all happen over night. but if he does what he did during those 9 years, then i know he can do it.

well, that's kind of where i'm at. i'm anxiously awaiting thursday and trying not to pull my hair out in the meantime with two teens constantly saying how they are leaving as soon as they are 18 because i'm such a bad mother. UGH!! !! !

april

Thanks for letting everyone know how you are doing. If teenagers are calling you a bad mother, it probably means you won't let them do everything they want so you are actually doing something right. I'm surprised they think Steve is already ready to come home after only 30 days, though. I hope it works out all right for you all.

I hate to say it, but Mammy was too much for you to handle with everything else and if Steve's brother gets home health care help for her then he will be better able to deal with her. I am glad they will have the cataracts removed so she will have a better quality of life. Maybe you can get the dietician to give you some written material in addition to what she tells you and it will be easier for you to process the information overload, because it is a lot of information to process all at once.