My mum took my favourite stuff away

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As I write this, I am on Microsoft Word typing out what to copy and paste into WP, as my mother has confiscated my internet connection.

Just because, once again, I refused to go back to the evil stinking hellhole that is school, Mum has taken my internet connection, my Sex and the City Movie DVD and all my Friends DVDs. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with my not going to school, she just seems to be doing it to spite me.

She says it’s not “healthy” to spend all my time talking to random people on the internet then being “secretive” about it, and watching the same show for hours at a time (I think the fact that it’s American doesn’t help, she has something against America).

Firstly, I’ve TOLD her what I’m doing on here. I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to minimise my email inbox when she comes in, because a fair bit of the time, I’m talking about her. She REALLY wouldn’t wanna know what I actually think of her.

Secondly, so what?! And more to the point, if it’s Friends she has a problem with, what was the point of taking the Sex and the City DVD as well?

Originally she was going to leave the TV and the DVDs but if I was watching them when she got back from work, she’d take em all away. But then my brother, the smarmy little git, informs her that I could watch them on my laptop. I even said she could take away the telly and all, but just to leave the DVDs so I could look at them. Not as good as watching them, but it’d help pass the time.

She said I shouldn’t keep “obsessing” over stuff all the time. She also said I should do something constructive like write something or whatever. Does she think I’m just sitting on my arse dossing about all day or something?! I’ve written loads of stuff, none of which I am showing her (though I showed my dad), and yesterday I made a petition against autism screening. All she ever does is housework and working at her secretary job. I think you’ll find I’ve made more of a mark on this planet than she ever has. Even if my mark is more like an impact crater, LOL.

Also, Mum is always giving my brother preferential treatment. He stabbed me with a bit of metal just before Christmas, and everytime I bring it up she’s all, “That’s history, get over it,” and she hasn’t punished him at all. She just lets him get away with it.

I’m so fed up of all this!!

It's a parent thing. The internet didn't exist when I was a kid, but they'd stop me from reading because I did it constantly. And I got accused of being secretive too, and the whole "go do something constructive". For a while I wasn't allowed to close my bedroom door, no, not even to change. They said it was because "they didn't know what I was doing in there." I wasn't doing anything....

Lot of parents don't understand their child's obsessions. I mean c'mon NTs have them too and none NTs.


What I find ironic is my mother took away Home Alone, Jurassic Park, and my favorite book, and was always telling me to get out of Dalmatians when she catch me on the websites about it. She even took away the pictures printed from the internet and tossed them out but yet she watches these shows on TV about home and gardening and house decorating and she watched Murder She Wrote all the time but she didn't like me spending time with my own obsessions.
She even tried to limit me watching 101 Dalmatians when it came to video.
My dad never really took them away simply because he is obsessed with sports and he cannot miss a game and he sometimes starts talking about it out of the blue. My mother couldn't take that away from him because he is an adult.


We'll the difference is, we do our obsessions differently than other people.

You said that maybe she thinks you do nothing, and maybe she does. People are not mind readers, and occasionally we need to force ourselves out of our bubble to let them know that we don't just sit around all day doing nothing. Try thinking about some of their special interests and do a little research on it, maybe if she is always cleaning try looking up uses of common house hold things for the purpose of cleaning. (like vinegar, stuff like that. Of course you will have to wait until you get internet back.)

As with you saying that all she does is clean the house, perhaps part of this has to do with the fact that she is always cleaning the house and feels like she does not have any help. It is very frustrating when all you do all day is clean up after other people, and on top of it all she works as a secretary. Did you know that a lot of the day spent as a secretary is organizing and cleaning up messes that other people leave? Keep that in mind and be a little more forgiving on that front, and possibly see if you can help out a little.

As with the DVDs, I have been there before and never really figured it out as well. At 29 and being out of the house I realize that my mom was mostly just really frustrated because she did everything around the house and also worked 40+ hours a week. I also had my door taken away from me, and my NES (mario brothers was my thing). They didn't think I was socializing enough (not said in as many words, but thought taking away privacy would force me to come out of my room and talk/share with them. In a way it did force me to spend more time with them (or hiding in the bathroom trying to change), but it really wasn't an effective method as it made me want to shut down toward them all the more.

As for the preferential treatment, I have no advice there really. I was an only and I do my best not to do that to my children. I would stop bringing it up though, she might be waiting to catch him in the act before moving in get him. If she sees it there is hard proof and he can't deny it.

In Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome," Chapter 3, page 55, he said that

"...I have discovered a means of removing almost all of the characteristics that define Asperger's syndrome in any child or adult. This simple procedure does not require expensive and prolonged therapy, surgery or medication, and has already been secretly discovered by those who have Asperger's syndrome. The procedure is simple. If you are a parent, take your child with Asperger's Syndrome to his or her bedroom. Leave the child alone in the bedroom and close the door behind you as you walk out of the room. The signs of Asperger's Syndrome in your son or daughter have now disappeared."

He was not kidding.

I have two teenagers. One is an obvious Aspie and the other is not. I consider a fourteen-year old to be an adult. Most of the time, my kids make good decisions. They are young adults, inexperienced, ignorant, they need economic support because of the way our society is set up, and they sometimes need a big friend with big muscles.

Mostly, they need some friendly advice, which my kids often take because I don't play power games and they trust me. They do not need a mommy. I did a good job and those days are gone.

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Neither do they need a fascist dictator to shape and mold them. They never did.

If you plant an acorn, you'll get an oak tree. If you plant a petunia, you'll get a petunia. Smacking it around won't change what it is.

You can leave it alone and let it become the best little petunia it can be, or you can crush it and mame it. No matter what you do, it will not become an Oak.

Rebelling against authority is just something that teenagers do, which does not make it any more acceptable or excusable, by the way. Your mum has both the right and obligation to encourage more acceptable behavior, as long as she does not do anything to you that would make Child Protective Services arrest her and/or take you away to a foster home. Wait a little longer, and things will get better for you after you move out, get your own place, and make your own rules. Just expect dear old mum to smile and say, "I told you so" when you have children of your own - especially when they behave towards you as you've behaved towrds your mum!

Really, just be patient, and it'll all be over before you know it.

I've observed a lot of different family dynamics.

I know it might not be possible, but I would recommend that you (and your mum) try to make it so that your mum is your best friend rather than your policeman.