loneliness

Post Reply New Topic

There really isn't a point to this thread, I just need to vent.

Lately, I've fallen into a state of overwhelming loneliness. I've always been depressed, and always been lonely, but not like this in a long time. I've lost touch all of my "friends." They don't seem to make any effort to try to keep in touch with me, but that's nothing new, it's always seemed like I have to fight to keep friendships. I have to be the one that makes the effort to keep in touch because no one seems to care enough to keep in touch with me. I don't think it's that people don't like me, more that they just don't give me enough thought to give me a call once in awhile.

When I do text or try to contact people they don't respond anymore. I don't have anyone who I can turn to. I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, and now I'm regretting doing that, because one of the few people I had left I no longer have anymore.

I'm failing my college classes and I know I'm probably going to get kicked out soon. I get extremely jealous and bitter when I see people hanging out with close friends, or when I see couples holding hands. I know I shouldn't but I do. Thoughts of suicide are slowly starting to resurface, thoughts I thought I had gotten rid of for good.

I'm still in theatre at least, that's the one positive outlet I have left. It's the only place I even feel alive anymore. When I'm not performing I feel dead. (sigh) I don't know what to do, I feel too exhausted to even cry or scream, I just feel like curling up somewhere and disappearing. God, I'm a mess.

How do you all cope when you get so lonely it feels like the life is just sucked out of you?

O.K. so how about this:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players

So keep performing.

I can definitely relate to this. I've recently moved back to my hometown, and all my friends from high school are different and we aren't as close anymore. They're people I see every once in a while. I'm sort of making new friends at work, but the friendships seem superficial because I haven't known the people long. Work for me, like theater for you, is one of the few things that keeps me sane anymore. (Which I never would have suspected, when I first started that job). But, I feel very lonely a lot of the time, and I get hysterical. I have a boyfriend, but he can be an ass and I don't always get to see him very often. I have a problem with "relationship addiction," so I struggle to be in a relationship without getting overly obsessive and clingy.

The bitter, jealous feeling when seeing couples holding hands is another thing I get. I've always been like this. And I get upset every time I hear gossipy, girly girls laughing and talking together. Partially because they're annoying, and partially because relationships are so easy for them. I'm smarter than most of them, yet they'll probably have easier lives. This makes me MAD.

The best thing to do is focus on what you love to do by yourself, but also be open to other people and try new things out in the world. I think trying to develop self-confidence is important. I realize that I'm probably hundreds of times more awesome than a lot of the dumbasses who have 50 good friends and constant dates. (I bet you are, too).