Well this sucks...

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My sort of fiance of the past thirteen years let me know recently that he's not sure where we stand and wants to take a break for a month or two, and may want to end the relationship. Really it is sort of my fault. I made a stupid decision to go on a cruise with a girlfriend. I only get to see her a couple times a year, because she lives almost 1400 miles away in a different state. She found a really good deal, and we got a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas for like 200$. had to pay additional airfare, but the price was still pretty reasonable.

I told him about this in early January and he freaked out and insisted that my friend is a lesbian (she's not at all), and that was the strangest thing he'd ever heard. He said that was even more strange for me, since I can't stand being in crowded places and I don't like my routine disrupted. Well I decided to go anyway, despite his disapproval. I mean...it was only from a Friday afternoon to a Monday morning...plus some additional time for my flight there and back. I'd only be gone for one weekend. It wasn't the first time I'd went to visit a friend out of state or traveled for work.....but this was different. I was going somewhere fun, somewhere sunny, and somewhere where I'd most likely wear a bikini and maybe drink beer....without him.

Well I though he was okay with me going as the trip got closer. But when I got back he told me he didn't want to see me or talk to me for a at least a few weeks if not a few months. He said he wasn't sure he could ever marry me. He said going on the cruise with my friend was a big slap in the face to him. He also said he can't deal with my mental instability, and he's not sure he wants to continue our relationship.

I'm really hurt right now. I feel a pressure behind my eyes and they feel watery. My stomach feels funny. If he wanted to break up with me why didn't he do it while I was depressed over the winter.....I would be numb, and just sleep right through it. I can't feel anything when I'm depressed, so I wouldn't have cared.

But I'm not depressed. I'm hypomanic, verging on manic. My emotions are really intense, and I am incredibly hurt right now. I spend a lot of time with him, and now I'm bored. I have nothing to do. This is the time of year that I actually want to go out. I want to socialize. I want to talk to people. I want to drink and have fun. Right now I'm tan, and I have a six-pack on my belly, and I look pretty...I always tend to look better when I'm hypomanic, and the six-pack is not a delusion of grandeur..

Only now I have no one to have fun with. I don't really have friends around here. If I go out by myself I'm certain to get into trouble. I don't have the best judgment and I can act impulsively. I've already got a flood of ideas of things to do that could get me into trouble.

I don't know if the relationship will even survive this "break", but I don't want to kill it on accord of my own recklessness.

Being sad, bored, and manic sucks big f*****g donkey balls....

There must be some other reason..it sounds kinda far fetched to want to end a relationship over a weekend cruise...no matter how set you are in your routines...

There has gotta be at least a little flexibility within a relationship.

Sublyme,

My advice: go on the cruise and enjoy yourself with your friend.

If you've never been on a cruise before, it's a very rewarding experience.

As for your relationship, try discussing things with your partner when you get back.

I already went on the cruise. I did have fun. the only time I got a bit overwhelmed was at a flea market in Nassau. It was very crowed, and hot. And the vendors yell things at you and grab your arms and touch your back....eeeek. I had a little meltdown there. But other than that I had a great time.

Now I kinda regret it though.

Things haven't been great between the fiance and I for a while. I always get accused of being "distant" and he is getting increasingly annoyed with my mental instability (meltdowns, self harming, manic spending sprees, etc), yet he doesn't agree with me taking medication or seeing a psychologist or therapist.

Maybe some time apart isn't such a bad idea, but does it have to be now???

Grrr..

That's good that you had fun on your cruise.

As for your relationship, you should do what you need to do, and not care about what your partner thinks.

i think its more about harmony
but know the line between harmony and control

After thirteen years you can't go out on a weekend without him punishing you! Dump the jerk! That is so manipulative and controlling that staying with him will make you miserable for the rest of your life. And please don't run out and find another jerk!

Agreed!

He is displaying controlling and manipulative behaviour.

This sort of story seems to be par for the course here, doesn't it?

I know that sounds flippant, but from what I've seen, it's true.

My thought on it: if he doesn't trust you to spend a little time with a friend over a weekend after 13 years, find someone who will.

I'd work on getting those manic spending sprees under control, though. Do those enough, and they will come back to bite you. I speak from first-hand experience on this one...

One nice part of hypomania is that I start to look at the state of my life and I want to make changes. I do realize that he can be manipulative. He is really insecure and has always been. Part of it stems from me seeming so "distant." He's neurotypical and I'm autistic. He gets annoyed when we are hanging out, drinking beer, and listening to music...he's sitting on the couch and I'm sitting on the floor....where I find a small screw. I pick up the screw and I twist it so I feel the threads between my fingers. I feel the cold metal and squeeze the screw as I move twist it between my fingers. I can no longer hear the music or his voice.....and at that point that little screw becomes the most important thing in the room. He realizes I'm not paying attention to him, and gets up and frustrated as usual, he walks away.

I could see how that could annoy someone, but he knows that I'm autistic. Yet he constantly tells me to not define myself by labels shrinks give me. It's not like if I pretend it's not there it will go away...it's' a part of who I am.

I think it's very easy for him to manipulate me because I just let him. It's almost like I didn't know any better. In one way I thought I was lucky. That I had someone that loved me. that I had someone that was willing to put up with my meltdowns, shutdowns, manic episodes, and depressive ones......most guys would run....

But now I'm not so sure.