Hmmm, I wonder why I am unimportant?

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Ok so here's the deal. I get on with my family reasonably well, usually I'm always on my own anyway, but I notice something about them. I hardly take part in any conversations but I do overhear them when they speak. They are so considerate of others feelings.Thats a good thing sure, but they never even tried to understand me, ever. I overhear them speak about kids with anxiety and selective mutism. They feel so sorry for them, as do I (because I can relate) but what I can't understand is when I was a young kid, I often got shouted for being too nervous or coerced to interact with people despite my selective mutism.

I realise the answer... They have a motivation to feel and understand for these kids (who my sister tutors). However they never had a motivation for trying to understand me. I was laughed at because of my low self esteem, and it meant no one really cared, to make me feel as if I was wanted. All that they would gain from making me happy, is me being happy. No praise or approval from others just my wellbeing. To feel as if that wellbeing is not enough to motivate them, makes me sad. I wonder where I would be if things were different...

Maybe I am not good enough to be taken seriously at all. Who knows????

It's easier to have compassion in the abstract sense, but when the immediacy of a real case for compassion demands involvement and action, most people react in a "fight or flight" mode. Such a situation arises when a person who claims to feel sorry for the homeless (and may even send a check or some canned goods to a shelter), will scream at or run away from a street person asking for spare change.

Yes I understand your point Fnord. However my sister actually reads books to help this student and makes a concerted effort to understand this students sensitivites. Yet with me, what? Everyone was convinced I put up an act or was overeacting, because it was too much of a hassle to treat me that way. It's just frustrating. I don't know. When I complained about anxiety I just got ignored or was shouted at. It just seems other people (kids/adults with similar problems or not) are regarded more highly than me. Thanks for the response though...

It sounds like maybe they don't want to believe this problem can exist in their own family. Have you calmly asked why the difference?

Let me guess ...

"Oh, Heaven's No!" Blue can't be that way; he's family! He's just begging for attention..."

... am I right?

Reminds me of the time I passed out in gym class ... then they believed I was sick! But listen to my complaints? No ... "Little Fnordie's just trying to play hookie!"

They probably give you what they think you want.

I have asked, but they become confrontational, claiming I am overeacting. I have lived with them long enough to know, it's all about priorites. If you not a priority you don't need attention. Just let me state this attention I need is not being craved for now, instead I could have really done with it all those years ago. It just upsets me to know that my life went down the wrong street because the people I rely on assume that going the extra mile for a family member, holds no ground when compared to a stranger.



Same. I have to go through a nervous breakdown before I get any acknowledgement of any difficulties that I have.



I would hope not. As a child my symptoms were just seen as a phase which was at best to be tolerated. Nowhere in sight was there any need for there to be some understanding.

If you can't cope, unlucky. I don't have the time or resources to prioritise you know.

This was my impression of events.

I don't know maybe it's dumb to complain, but if my own family don't see me as important (in the sense that they pay value to my specfic needs) who else on earth is going to?????