Scared. Suicidal again. Help.

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This message will be scattered. I dont really know how to write well. Afriad I have diabetes. Extreme thirst. If I do means I will need a needle for everyday of my goddamn life. I am 188 lbs, 5'3''. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I will never have sex, I need sex. Everyone I know is having sex and I will always miss out. I have Asperger's. What kind of God wold give someone autism. My younger brother is worse off than me. He whines to communicate and theres no way to get him to communicate differently. Why couldn't I have been born without this. Why did I have to be born at all. I am stressed and tired of university. I can't cope. I last had this feeling in October. Goddamnit what will I contribute to this world. Please help. Three girls blocked me from facebook. They think im creepy. People are afriad of me.

Last edited by Praetor2379 on 23 Feb 2009, 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you are suicidal, you should go to the hospital ASAP. I am much fatter than you, I am female and WISH I was under 200 pounds. I am fat and ugly. No guy would want me. You write fine. Why do you need sex to be happy? Autism is tough to deal with but it doesn't mean you are not capable of doing productive things. If you have a dream, pursue it! Just because you have thirst doesn't mean you have diabetes. Get yourself tested if you're worried about that.

Praetor...

If you truly want to hurt/kill yourself, go to hospital now. Now is a heck of a lot less painful than surgery/stomache pumps etc... which is how most suicide attempts end up, no matter how hard one tries. The problem/upside of suicidal ideation is that it tends to make one relatively ineffective at doing anything - positive or negative. Fortunately, getting help is easy to succeed at. Far easier than trying anything else.

#1: Diabetes does NOT need to mean "needles every day". If you end up needing insulin maintenance (not all do) most people can do just fine with an insulin pump. looks likea pager, and if you stim like me (cuticle biter) you will never even need to prick your finger to glucotest.

#2: Sex: Try being married for 15 yrs and not having sex for at least the last 5. Sex for singles is relatively easy once you are no longer depressed. (skip the relationship part...THAT is a PITA) The depression bit is harder, but can be dealt with if you want to. When I was having depression issues at Uni I went to the School Med Centre and got some lovely medicine that I only needed to take temporarily until my brain chems reballanced.

#3: Contribution to the World: You will contribute plenty - though what and how is up to you.

#4: Facebook: A place for NTs to gather and gabble about their own vanities. You are an Aspie. You "belong" here, not there. What some bitchygirls do on fasebook is irrelevant. Given wat Facebook is doing with content/privacy I'd dump the whole thing.

Good luck, don't be rash, get some help/sleep on it. Tomorrow will be another day to laugh at the NTs.

Ok, time for my bit of advice, because no one here wants you to hurt yourself.

While i agree with the above bits of advice, i have something else to add, aside from 'go to a hospitol for it' and that is, try to talk with someone who you feel can really understand you about the whole thing. Can be a family member, close friend, hell, even us on the site, a lot of people here have been at that point at one time or another (myself included).

As for the whole sex thing, there IS more to life than that. Granted, i'm speaking from the perspective of someone who isn't likely to know what its like, but this isn't about me. What i'm really trying to say is its not the end of the world.

For finding something to contribute to the world.. thats a lot harder, seeing as i don't exactly have a lot of experiance in that either. But there are more ways to do it than you think, heck, a good example would be, once you get yourself through your current crisis, to help someone else going through a similiar situation, that would count for a lot.

And lastly, 3 people blocking you on facebook really shouldn't be something to worry about too much. People are generally a lot nastier on the internet than in real life to begin with, and its worse on social networking sites like that. And think of it this way : if they couldn't accept you as you are, they weren't worth knowing.

Hope that helps in some way, hang in there, sure you can get through this.

Your friends here have given you some good advice. One thing I'd like to add, you are going to keep
scaring away girls if all you can think about is sex. That can be scary, and ultimately it is boring.

If you want girls to be interested in you, you have to work at making yourself an interesting person
by filling up your mind with other topics, and all the interesting things that are going on in this amazing world.

Find some kind of community work that needs to be done and volunteer to help, like building homes for
low-income families, or harvesting leftover crops for the foodbanks, or teaching a little kid to read, or
helping the little old lady next door to weed her flowers. Learn everything you can about jazz music and opera,
and Buster Keaton. Try your hand at drawing your other hand, or someone's face, or your pet. Find out
everything you can about lizards and airplanes and the expeditions of Sir Edmund Hillary and how the Andes
Mountains were formed.

You don't need to worry about what your contribution to this world will be, not yet. But you should be
out there diligently looking for a clue.

i'm getting kinda worried, its been close to 5 days..... hope nothing bad happened

I clicked on Praetor's name to check his profile. He posted to his blog on Feb 26, so
maybe he just doesn't want to continue this thread. (Blog was about feeling depressed, though.)

I hope your ok. don't give up .life has beautiful things in store for you. You just have to make it through the hard times to get to the good times.

You'll always have sympathy from me. Don't let anyone tell you no one cares about you.

The next thing women are going to do is accuse you of leading a 'self-fulfilling prophecy.' This is sophistical garbage, don't worry too much about it, but I would advise you to stay wise in life (drugs like cocaine and marijuana I have found to be particularly risky, as they can have serious and permanent consequences -- I would keep that in mind).

Edit: I'll be more fair and say that the self-fulfilling prophecy is a vaguely-defined notion in danger of being abused by people who don't want to look guilty for letting others suffer.

Ive been blocked by a girl on facebook too. Worse is that she was the only one I ever talked to. I lost my only friend because of facebook. I just dont go on there anymore.

I was once banned on a Dating Advice Forum for defending the victims of a website called 'Way Too Personal' and later attempting to start an intelligent discussion about sexual perversion. They all pretty much just teamed up on me and I got the feeling that I was surrounded by idiots and bullies. They did not even argue logically and the way they treated me was contemptible.

Needless to say, I feel very hurt and lonely after what happened.

No, I'm still here. People stopped posting on my thread, so thats why Ive been quite. Today is Saturday. Im not feeling depressed, so I don't think I am chronicly depressed. My biggest concern right now is my weight. I have 50 lbs to lose to be at a healthy weight for me height. Followed closely is my education at university which is constantly on uphill battle for good marks.

Have you tried getting one of those little pedometers that you wear on your belt to count the number of steps you take every day? They are very inexpensive, and I've heard that a lot of people have success in getting more fit when they are using those, because all day long they're thinking of little ways to add more steps to the day's total. (Some models are fancy with several different "modes" for counting calories burned and miles covered and heart rate, etc. I recommend that you just pay attention to the number of steps counted.)

You start out just wearing it as you go about your normal day, and at night see how many steps you've taken. Write down the number on your calendar. After a couple of days, start trying to get that number higher. Say you take a total of 3,000 steps on Monday and 2,900 on Tuesday and just 750 on Wednesday, you can figure that it wouldn't be that difficult to take 3,000 steps every day. Try to get at least that many steps every day for a week. Then the next week make your goal a little higher, 3,500 or 4,000. Try to get that new total every day for a week. Next week, raise your target total again. And keep writing your daily total on the calendar.

There are all kinds of ways to increase your step total that you can work into your daily life. Watching a TV program? During commercial breaks stand up and jog in place or walk around the room: that gives you 200 more steps. Going to the market? Be inefficient: get the milk from one end of the store, then the bread from the other end of the store, then go back to the dairy section to get the cheese. Going to class? Start five minutes earlier and walk all the way around the building before you go inside. Studying your German vocabulary? Walk around the room while you practice with flahcards.

This works for a lot of people because they don't have to set aside a big chunk of time for "exercising," just sprinkle in a little more activity here and there all day long. The ultimate goal is to walk 10,000 steps every day, but don't even need to think about that until you can do 8,000 every day with no problem.

I see that your life is stressful and full of loneliness. But I think I can help. What are your favorite interests? Try to go on the internet and try to find a message board of your interest. Sure it's not like actual socializing but at least it's something positive to look forward to when you get home from school, work, etc.

I know how you feel. I'm still looking for that special someone too and looking for a loving relationship. I'm in that point of difficulty and stress myself. All I can say is Don't loose hope. Just try to be the best person who can be, you are what you make yourself. If you want to change yourself, you can do so, but never change yourself to make other people happy, do it to make yourself feel confortable. You said University right? So your a College student like me! I know how you feel. I currently have a College Crush but not only do I already know she has a boyfriend, She doesn't even like me, not even as a friend in which I was trying to aim towards. She likes to draw, I do too. But I feel like I'm nothing more but a pest to her. It's hard but I just have to keep my eyes and thoughts open and know what I want in this life at all times and don't loose hope. If my current life sucks, I always plan for the future.

Sorry to hear that... That is a regular tactic... suppose it is the way of those taht re unable to have a civil discussion about an issue and using emotional b.s. to discredit sound logic or reason... Isn't this sort of what politics is about?

well I'm glad your ok. hang in there.