dissociative forgiveness

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I know Aspies have massive trouble with grudges, usually from being torn to shreds by psychopath/s or sociopath/s. I recommend some google work on psychopath or sociopath if you only know a loose definition to see the sorts of things the aforementioned are responsible for. These types have a general pathology to everyone, but Aspies are a particularly centered target for them.

Psychopaths make up between 3-5% of the population and do not necessarily have to be physically violent.

The worst damage psychopaths have done to me is making me feel completely disconnected from humanity. Some years ago I was physically and mentally tortured by a pack of psychopaths. It took a long time before I could function properly, like walk in a straight line or be near anyone or talk properly again. Since then I have run into other psychopaths, but because of the lack of physical violence I had trouble accepting them as what I feared they were. There is nothing in a psychopath I can even remotely begin to relate to, yet it appeared many people could, so I started to write off humanity by association.

It's easy to think the quirky Aspie appears to be the psychopath because superficially they may behave strangely, be abrupt, unsocial or "rude" suggesting insensitivity and lack of empathy. Behind the Aspie brick wall is usually a solid, decent, honest, loyal, compassionate, feeling, considerate, charitable, ethical, caring human being. It's easy to get through, but the user friendly windows interface is a bit buggered. If people know Aspie command lines (direct honesty), they have access to everything immediately without having to trawl through the whole system like windows needs.

Real psychopaths blend in almost seamlessly. They are very attuned to the feelings and needs of normal people but only register a superficial means by which to fulfill their own desires. Normal people tend to get suckered right into these phony charms and are readily manipulated. Psychopaths have no genuine empathy, it's fake. They have no ethics or morals. Just because they appear to care for people on the outside, they spend time with them, talk to them, socialize etc, it doesn't really mean they give a damn about them at all and are actually pursuing an antisocial agenda. They are completely hollow and non-functional with a resource consuming glitzy easy to use interface designed for extracting all possible goodness from one victim before they move onto the next. They are incapable of conscience and act without remorse. The only thing that keeps most of them in check is the fear of being caught and having to deal with the consequences. If they think they can get away with fulfilling some whimsical, horrific, demented need, they will do it.

I did manage to overcome trauma and penetrating hatred and resentment from my violent experience. I also managed to feel reconcile with the rest of the human race.

Leaving the country where the torture event happened helped greatly, and starting a new life in a new place also helped.

What really allowed me to let go, however, is the fact the monsters, although real, are not human.

I wasn't hurt by people. I do not have to poison myself by trying to understand their sickness.

If I cut my foot on a piece of glass or a jagged nail, I would not hold resentment to the object responsible.

It stopped being personal and forgiveness became unnecessary.

I found a loophole that set me free.

From more recent encounters I understand psychopaths are everywhere but when you peek past the mask, never let them know you have caught them out. They will do anything they can to try to destroy you before you can expose them.

Humans are objects to the psychopath.

Why not treat psychopaths as objects?

Treat them with the fake manipulative insincerity they deserve (but do a good job).

I think the guy who stalked me is a sociopath. Supposedly he was pursuing me romantically and when I rejected him he proceeded to manipulate and terrorize me. At first he would just show up everywhere I was like the gym and the grocery store. Then it was the unannounced visits to my home and my job, over fifty phone calls a day. Then came the threats...."do this or I'll hurt your little sister," "do this or I'll destroy your career," "do this or else I'll kill your boyfriend," etc. Then came the text messages letting me know that he knows where I was at any given moment (he was right a lot of the time). Then came the slashed tires and broken windshields. Then came the death threats...calling my work phone saying "I'm going to cut your throat and watch you bleed out."

All this because I didn't want to be his girlfriend. So I got a restraining order. That only made it worse. Not only did he completely ignore it, he stepped up his game. He cut of my cat's head and sent it to me for my birthday. He went to my mom's nursing home and put up pictures of us he edited on a computer all over her room.

He pleaded with me to drop the charges, and said he'd kill me if I didn't.

Eventually he did try to kill me. He broke into my house and had a knife. Somehow I managed to hit him on the head from behind with a baseball bat, causing him to drop the knife...I hit him a few times before he passed out. He ended up needing surgery and then went to jail for a couple years.

I learned from tat experience that I let him manipulate and terrorize with me. I tried to reason with him, I pleaded with him. He's make me think it was working only to come back with another "request" and a threat.

I still live in the house he broke into. He is out of jail and still lives in the same town I do. Sometimes he sends me a text to let me know he's still around, but I think he's moved on to other prey, because he seems to be leaving me alone....although I do not think in any way I taught him a lesson with that baseball bat, and I don't think the legal system taught him a lesson by incarcerating him. I don't think he can be taught.

I am completely dissociated from that situation emotionally. I am not scared of him, I won't let him, or anyone else do something like that to me again. I do not resent him, actually he taught me a lesson.