It's unwarented, unfair, and very painful! long...

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Let's start with background, so you know one of the many reasons I feel suicidal right now.

Thursday night, my coworker mumbled to herself "stupid people", not realising the customer and me heard her. That customer wasn't pleased, it seemed. (coworker is being SUCH a b***h! OMG!) All I simply did was open the door to reach for the nickle that fell under the woman's car. When she left I texed her this "Do try not to call me things." This, mind you, was just a tip. After all, when somebody says something stupid about someone else right behind their back, and don't know it, don't they need to be told that they can be heard?

Also, if someone just calls you stupid to your face, isn't it natural to say "don't call me that"? SO WTF happens next?! That b***h calls me on the phone.... to b***h.
Her: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN DON'T CALL YOU THINGS?!"
Me: "I mean don't call me stupid."
Her: "I didn't say that!" (yes she did)
Me: "When I reached for the nickle then shut the booth door, you said "stupid people".
Her: "NO!.......... I said 'It's under the car! You can't reach it right now!" (repeated twice like an idiot)
Me: "After you said that, I heard you mumble stupid people." (repeated three times because she'd rather be an ass hole to me)

I sleep that night, and the next afternoon I get called by my boss to go "talk" about something. I was like. "Oh yeah! I bet I can guess why?" Such BS enough as it is! By then, yes I was pissed, because this all was highly unwarented. (you're about so see why this is so excrutiating!) MY boss b*****s on and on, to the point I can't get a single word in AT ALL! Basicaly, boss was sure that I called HER on the phone bitching at my oh so innocent, frightened little coworker. Oh... my God! This coworker isn't even shaking! This is down right evil, imo, but it gets worse! Lots worse!

I go down stairs, to go home till it's my time for shift. She already is getting me a cold attitude. That evening, I tried this more four times!.. "i'm sorry about the text message. I didn't write it to pick a fight." She bowed her head like I was going to beat her useless ass, she she mumbled "yes maam."

She then quikly changed mood shift and was angrily like "Need to go to the restroom." When I started to say anything she interupted and said it again! I said "yeah..." Not very amused there! And it gets WORSE! The porter is now acting skiddish around me, but friendly none the less. People are again looking at me that certain way, and talking to me softer than usual. I HAVN'T DONE ANYTHING! When she clocked out and all through fryday, she deliberatly ignored anything I said, Period! I tried mentioning a white sports car? Refridgerator treatment! Try to ask a question about Tatoos? More solid Refrigerator treatment.

It get WORSE even! My mother and my boss both tell me more than once to 'calm down", be civil, and this "Oh she's scared and skiddish because of a confromtation with a gun four years ago." What..... the... f**k! Remember, this person wasn't even shaking around me! She judgmental and pissed off for no justified reason! I'm now labeled the "bad ass thug who will kill at the drop of a hat" because I tell someone "Don't call me stupid?" Bull s**t! The security guards don't want to say hi to me now!

My boss thinks I have Bipolar dissorder, because she thinks she seen the worse of my temper. OMFG hardly! The only two people on earth who saw my full temper blow is my Father (for, obviously, bad reasons), and my sister who watched us fight like hell! (LIKE hell, seriously) They havn't SEEN my temper. They conclude that any feeling I remotely have is my emotion, period. They have no f*****g clue how much I hurt, and how angry I really can get. I was FAR from being that brutal to that chicken s**t of a coworker! I hate her deeply now! My boss egsagerated my mood. eg. one time I only took papers out of her hand and she yelled at me for "ripping them out" of her hands.

My boss also threatened to fire me if I "blew up again". I didn't blow up at my coworker AT ALL! SHE called ME on the phone and SHE yelled, not me! My mother feels that talking about her own past problems will a: make me realise that I'm not the only one that goes through this b:That I'm some emotional infant useing her as a dumping ground. (the fact that it was her idea to come over to the garage to "comfort me" when really I just needed a vent.

You know, I tried to vent, and look where it got me. I didn't even finish telling her everything before she mentiones "so and so", then even tries to talk about other subjects before I make a peep. THe only way to stop this and let her go home? Be a fake dumb blond, and pretend it's all peachey. It's horrible to go through this everytime I want to talk to her! She left, and I felt like utter s**t, till a guy gave me an easter egg. Now there you go, some actual sympathy cleaned it right up. But no wait, according to my boss, I'm bipolar and need to be pumped down with meds. No, I just want understanding, to be heard. Above all... I WANT TO BE ALOWED TO BE MY HUMAN SELF FOR ONCE! Not take in every person trying to shove how I feel to the back of my mind as if my feelings are s**t drama. Apparently, that's too much to ask out of this life.

To alot of people around the building, I'm now miss phsyco freak! WHy? Because they say so! Today, I deiced to stupidly joke with my mother about revenge. This is where I REALLY get salt in my infected wound. I said "You know how the water in the oldmobile built up? I could.. *sarcastic hmm* get some hot sauce, vinegar, water, then pick up a little tube and pump it down into her car." My mother took it seriously despite that we joke with each other from time to time. "No! That's vandalism, and it can put you in jail." With a big frown on her face. "or punching her in the eye..." I said
"No!"
"Kicking her in the jaw."
"No hunney!"
"Slashing her tire!"
"No, that will put you in jail and hurt you more than it hurts them."
By then I wa like. omg WTF are you doing? Then, just like I didn't want AGAIN. It excalated into DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! I cry because I'm getting "your a thug" ideas from my own mother, so I said "You didn't want me to get a gun for my own self defense because you thin I will shoot someone with it!"
She agreed, and it hurt like hell! Then she's just GOT to go mention "so and so" and talk about how it's f*****g wrong to "get revenge" I was like "OMG! I shouldn't even have brought it up! I didn't say it because I was going to do it, but you think I'm nothing but a thug!!" to the part with where I said I just said not, but not to do it she said "OHHhhh!" She does a long rant about this person she used to hate to sit next to at her job. I was like "Yeah! I get that everybody else's life is worse than mine! I'm nothing but a drama pit and a thug to you all." Then she brought up something about my Aunt and Grandfather, and how all the responcibility to stop her from robbing him felt like a burden, so she cries right infront on me. Oh mother is burdened, lah lah.

"I don't want to have to handle this 'snif' but I have to! My sister won't touch him with a pole, and my brother married to her won't get the balls to do it himself! It's always ME! "cries'" I heard everything she said, as usual. Didn't bring up "oh that reminds me of the time." No I actualy listened, felt like s**t from it, because my feelings were now trodded and treated as meaningless as usual. Let me guess! If I'm a drama ranting b***h, then she has every oportunity to be my weepy lady right? Am I "supposed to learn how it feels to deal with" the likes of myself? Am I supposed to "grasp" that I'm an emotional attention whore, OR WHAT?! WHAT DID I DO TO DISERVE THIS CRAP?! Can I PLEASE crawl into bed and die now?!

I used to hit my peers in junior high because they made fun of me, and it worked to stop that. Since then, despite that I havn't even scratched anyone in over 17 years now, my parents seen me as a big fat ball of temper tantrum. It wouldn't matter if I saved a country of starving people, cured AIDs, and removed polution in one day. I'm a thug and drama queen to them. I want to die. I really, really do! Don't f*****g tell me to call a hot line, unless you are REALLY a super ignorant ass hole who ALSO only sees me as a problem and not a human being!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go beat the #$% out of this b***h I call a body. Why? Because it's my subcontiousl DUTY!

LiendBalla, good, you wrote an interesting, deep, and pithy post. I enjoyed reading it. Talk it all out, my WP friend, and you will feel a little better or at least your thoughts will make more sense to you. Feeling suicidal is a common complaint on WP. In fact, a large percentage of all people have felt suicidal at one point in their lives. There are alternatives though - meds, ER, talking, and time. time is a good medicine. it changes how you feel.

Why did you reach for the nickle in the first place? And where was the coin located again, can you clarify that?

Did you reach for the coin in some strange or silly way? I mean, since you're co-worker called you stupid.

So sad that the guards wont talk to you, beacause those guys sure knows how to throw a party... Maybe they will talk to you in a few weeks.

So, you´re colleague called the customer stupid for dropping a coin under her car, by saying "stupid people"?

And all of this was to let you should have ignored the first comment completely. Oh maybe a knowing look between you and the customer, but after that, the politic thing to do is to just drop it.
It sounds like your co worker is a bully. Management doesn't like bullies either, but they are not going to confront a bully, because a bully bullies management too.

All of this could have been avoided, your "diagnosis" of being bi polar (which is the new grab-bag name these days, before it was 'ret*d' or 'ret*d' and now days it is 'bi-polar') would not have been an issue. Work would have gone on and your mother would not be upset and you, you would only be simmering silently because you felt you got slighted by your co worker.

This is one of those little social cues we don't pick up on until it has blazed up like a wild fire and burned down all your long and patient work that you have built up for yourself.

I am sorry it happened. But you did something that is unforgivable in their code of ethics. you called out a bully.

and now you know what happens when you stand up for your self. Don't get me wrong. I have done this more times than I care to admit. And have had similar situations unfold. I learned to pack up and get out of proverbial Dodge, because I have never figured out how to come back from going where no one else dared to tread.

if you take comfort in knowing others have done the same thing and had the same result, then this is for you. If not, then know I have sympathy for your ordeal.

Merle

The coin is not the point! She didn't think anybody heard her....... but we heard anyway.... so I tried letting her know that by putting, and only putting the line "Do try not to call me things" (That's it, period! Gee how datsterdly of me!).... only she felt she needed to burn and crush my reputation by lieing to just about everybody! k? k..

I didn't yell at her one dam time, but was punished quite a bit for yelling! My mother even believes all their BS! I'm not going to type this and explain it again. Why? Ever try screaming into brick wall with tears streaming your face thinking it would give you emotional support? well... I get it from people alot.



yes.

That sucks, your co-worker was being deliberately manipulative to make it look like YOU were bullying HER. I hate people who do that. My brother has perfected the art over the years.

Watch out for people like this, they have sneaky tricks that get them what they want. Take this for example:

If we were in the car, and my brother had the window open, and I was cold, I'd just say, "Shut the window please."

But if I had the window open and he was cold, he'd sigh irritably, and Dad would say, "What's the matter?" and he'd say, "I'm just cold. But it doesn't matter, I'll just put up with it." The window immediately gets closed, because he did his Martyr Act.

People in general are apparently too stupid to realise that they're being taken for fools.

But you, dear lady, and follow men of this forum... are the greatest fools of all!

For with AS you are a tin man. And you have been told the greatest lie of all. That friendship and love is what all those with a real heart feel and share every day.

Yet, look at the path of destruction they leave behind. They rape the earth, they rage against each other, and they manipulate with their emotions much more often than they love.

It is because you have to witness these events and can't forget them - that perhaps you truly have the tin heart.

Read the last paragraph of this: http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?s ... 8Cg&ref=mf maybe all of us with AS aren't the same, but I see myself. And to discover at mid life that my tin heart is better than a real one - blah.

sour grapes. . .uummm yummy yummy. . .

Merle