using initiative... i just can't win

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i don't like using my initiative. i feel that if i do, and i end up getting it wrong as result, that people end up getting annoyed at me, which they generally do. however, when i don't, people get annoyed at me for not using my initiative, even though generally when i do, people get annoyed because i screwed things up.

is there a happy medium? how do i break this cycle? it drives me mad.

I find I can't trust initiative, so I just make rules and try to follow them...

I cannot tell you how to break the cycle. But I have found that in certain situations my initiative (or gut instincts as I refer to it) is good (emergency scenarios) and bad in others (socially). Trust your gut in areas you believe you understand and are good at . But (I am going to guess you have poorer social skills than and NT/no offense) socially, I've found it best to just observe, leave the situation &/or not respond when unsure.

p.s. Having poor social skills can lead to strange blessings (ex. intelligence, honesty/genuineness, etc.)Also, if you can find people who will except your greatest quirks(mine include sniffing things, liking slinkies and mangas, quoting Nat. Geo. & odd songs like Monty Python), problems (sensory issues, lack of sarcastic knowledge, not being able to touch people/mine) or unusual social/moral views (being OK w/ homosexuality, etc.) you are probably safe & going to form wonderful friendships with said individuals .

Not pleasing people is just one possible outcome of using initiative. But if you find that in either case you're not pleasing people, then you simply need to take what you believe is the right course of action (or inaction).

Also - are you really certain that other people are genuinely annoyed at you? Is it possible you're misreading their reactions to the results of your efforts? I spend a lot of time beating myself up over reactions that people (including my wife) insist are fabricated in my imagination.

Finally, I'm still learning how to take initiative in areas of my life. I've learned recently that it is vital to have a clear understanding of the intended results prior to engaging in activities with/ for other people. For instance, if your employer needs to rely on someone - anyone - to handle one aspect of a project: sign yourself up for the task, then clearly identify and agree upon the result with your employer before starting the work. Remember that goal as you work your way through the tasks. Combining initiative with common understanding of objectives is one way to increase your chances for success.

Honk honk.

oh i do the whole fabricating that people are annoyed at me because of the smallest things. but then, sometimes when people really are annoyed at me, i'm completely oblivious.
but yeah... just the other day my dad had a go at me for something i made a mistake on because i couldnt quite remember his instructions. funny thing is, generally when i ask for total clarity he tells me i'm being thick, which really hurts my feelings. when i don't quite know what to do and so do nothing, i get told that i'm lazy and can't be bothered, when actually its because i feel whatever i do, it'll get me into trouble.

you'd think after what's getting on for 19 years he'd understand me, but apparently not. my uni housemates are the same too, they think i act like that deliberately to get attention or sympathy or something.