What Should I Do?

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My math teacher is a grumpy and weird a** bastard, and today he did something which seemed to be on purpose - to make my mark go down. For the first time in a f***ing year, he gives a pop quiz and puts the answer on the board (and of course I didn't see that it was there)! It's like the bastard knows that I never look around. But worst of all, the reason why I failed the quiz is that when I asked him a question the class before, he gave me a COMPLETELY wrong answer! We are one week into a completely new subject, which has nothing to do with algebra, something I've never ever done before, and he f***ing fails me ON PURPOSE! I just KNOW he was after me! When I handed in my quiz, he stood up and looked at it and SMILED, it's like yeah, job done! BASTARD! I SWEAR, I WILL COMPLAIN!! ! He always gives me satisfactory on group work, because I don't work with people unless I'm required to, but why f*** me up like that? Is that his way of making me pay for all the questions I ask him? Should I tell him that I have Asperger's even though it's not diagnosed yet, although I'm 100% sure I have it, just so that he would f*** off?

I can tell you are very upset about this incident MathGirl. I am a school teacher (I teach the gifted), and I have AS. I know that things can get rough in school for anyone. I hope you feel better after ranting about this teacher in this post.

Did he mean to do this to you? I truly don't know. Almost nothing surprises me anymore. But it doesn't matter if he did or not---the fact remains---he upset you. It could be that you have misunderstood the whole thing---but you are hurt. So a problem exists between you and this teacher.

My advice:

I hope that you have an understanding guidance counselor. I would talk to the guidance counselor about this. They are there to listen and help. You might mention the AS. I think this is the best route to take. Please let me know how things go for you.

I went straight to my guidance counselor after the incident, and she said that I should wait and see if maybe he will not take the quiz into consideration. However, if that happens, I will still think that he did it on purpose. Maybe I should talk to her again, because I went through everything in my head when I got home and came to the conclusion that he did it on purpose, but it was too late to go back and talk to my guidance counselor again. I am probably going to talk to another math teacher who teaches this subject on Monday, since she's the only other teacher and she has close contact with my teacher. I don't know though, I want to approach him directly. But also, he seemed to be very angry today. Hmm, maybe I should try to ask him if there was something wrong with him on that day, and then to try to ask him (politely) if he did this on purpose or not... and then maybe I could discreetly mention the social issue... but how? What would be the best way to approach a teacher who hates me?

Ok...I seriously doubt he hates you. I know that in the 21 years I have taught, there have been students who thought I hated them. But I cared for them. I truly wanted the best for them. But, I can't say there aren't cruel teachers out there. Do you really think this teacher is one such teacher? Has he done this sort of thing to you before?

I can make a guess. Maybe this teacher is miserable with himself? Many times that causes this kind of behavior. If you know this other math teacher well enough, perhaps you should go to her in confidence about this issue. I did that once with a professor I had in college. I took the advice from another professor and used it with the one I was having problems with---and it worked out ok.

I have a student this year that I thought didn't like me. I eventually asked her, "Is there something I have done that has upset you...because I feel like you are irritated with me?" She looked at me and said, "No...there's nothing." I explained to her about my AS (I don't keep my autism a secret from my students) and how it can cause me to misread people. Now, this student and I get along fine because I understand her. I understand that her tone of voice is not what I thought it was (discontent with me)...it is just her tone of voice that I misinterpret.

So there are two options. Either go to the other math teacher. Or, if you feel like it is the best option...go to the math teacher you are having the problem with. If he is grouchy with you, then you can go back to the guidance...or other person in the district that can help you.

In my school it is not uncommon for students and teachers with conflicts to meet with the principal to work out things. Parents can get involved in this too. But this is after it gets serious. Your situation may be serious, or it may just be an isolated event with an unhappy teacher. Keep me informed of your thoughts...I want to help.

Yeah, now I've come to think of it, he was probably miserable. But still why would he show me a wrong solution to the question? He has a PhD, after all.
And how do you think I should approach him, so that I could appear more polite and show him that I do care for him? Just imagine a very grumpy, grouchy teacher.. how would you, as a student, approach one?

I would hope to think that he made a mistake rather than trying to mislead you. My instinct tells me he made a mistake---but who is to know? I feel like you are leaning toward meeting with him. If that is true...then that is what you should do. It is best to NOT make him feel like he is on the defensive because that could anger him. Kindness is the best approach.

I just reread your original post on this....and he sounds like he could be hard to approach.

So...perhaps rather than trying to make the "wrongs" he has done to you a "right", you should go from this point on...with perhaps a plea for extra credit...or a retake...or something.

If you speak to him, let him know that you genuinely care about this class and that you want to succeed in it. I know this may be difficult...but perhaps you could ask him for help on a particular aspect of the material that you don't understand. I know this is kind of "sucking up," but it can work. He may feel bad about the way he has treated you (if he has been guilty of this) and then get better. If he hasn't been trying to get at you, then he will help you and all should work out.

Is he someone you are scared of? I doubt he is evil, but you hear things a lot about teachers. If you do approach him, is there anyway a friend could be sort of with you?...If you think it is best not to be alone with him?

I don't know if this will work, because I asked him for help a lot in the past, and I'm thinking that he became annoyed with me doing so. Also, I lost his trust in him completely after he did this to me, to be honest. I think he's also shown me something incorrectly in the past, and I swore to myself that I will stay away from him. The problem is, there's only one other teacher who teaches this subject in our school, and she's busy a lot so there aren't many occasions when I can ask her questions. It's easier to ask any right away when I'm in class, rather than waiting until the end.

And no, he's not scary, although he can appear a bit creepy sometimes. But when he answers questions, sometimes he sounds as though by not understanding a problem, you are stupid, and he does that to everyone. It is annoying, but I really like math and I want to do well in it and there's no other choice for me than to ask a lot of questions in class... Sometimes I wonder, what is he doing teaching high school? Other thing about him, he doesn't have much emotion. His only emotions are angry and joking. Sometimes it is hard to tell which is which. He usually gives us a set of problems and then spends the rest of the class typing something on his computer.

In my experience, a lot of math teachers and tutors can be rather grumpy. I tutor people in math and I try not to be.

Ok...I had a teacher like this in high school. Rather than the angry/happy thing, she was sarcastic/happy. She taught science. And when it came to asking her questions, well...she laughed at us and made fun of us in her own way. I had to really study the text book. I also got other students to come to my house once so we could study together. That helped some. I ended up with a "C" in the class when I was accustomed to "A" and "B" work. But, I got through it. And you can get through it too.

So...I think you need an alternate resource for understanding the material. You don't have that much longer with this teacher before school is out...right? So, let's just survive till then. I am assuming you are a senior in high school? Get help from other students---because they probably need help too---then you can help each other. Also, why not get with the other math teacher that you like, and see if she will help you in confidence. Surely she will explain to you the things you need help with.

I hope I am helping here. I would hate to make things worse...but I don't see any harm in this approach. The worst thing that could happen would be the teacher you like would tell the math teacher you have that you have to come to her for help. Then he might wonder why you didn't ask him. That is why I suggest doing this in confidence with her (the math teacher you like).

Yeah, that would probably be the best thing I can do. (sadly). Sorry, I don't like the study groups option - when I study I prefer to be very concentrated and not to have noise and people around. Since I am a visual learner, I like getting straightforward, well-presented examples so that I can learn the basics. I am going to try to find a supplementary book online, and hope that it will cover the material in the same order as we are doing it. Thanks for all your help.

P.S. Since you got AS, you're probably also a highly visual learner. I don't know how you've studied, but for realistic stuff like science, I can read through a textbook a few times and understand the material, provided that there are no other distractions. Aren't all aspies like that? The bad thing here is that I don't even have a textbook at the moment, just a couple of examples in handouts and that's it...

I didn't much like the study group either---but we were desperate---so it was a geek study party. Like you, I don't like group work. I prefer to work alone. Yes...I am a highly visual learner. You should be able to find a book online without too much problem.

Yes...I learned well from reading the text books. Something else that really helped:

I used to take a lot of notes...but I wouldn't always have to read them later---just the writing them down helped me remember stuff.

Also, with math, I would work through the examples on paper to see if I could get the answers on my own---and if I couldn't there was always the steps shown to look at.

You are welcome for my advice. I think you will do well---and getting the supplementary book sounds like a great idea.

Best wishes,
glider18