Is there any point in hope?

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I keep trying to have friends and it never seems to work. As soon as someone gets close, they cast me out. I don't try to be mean and I know I'm have flaws so I try extra hard to be nice and helpful. But none of that matters. I was starting to give up hope ever finding a friend. Then someone came along and ASSURED me they were different. They had a gift for being a friend and promised they would not leave me and would love and care about me. I stupidly trusted them. And it was great. Then, of course, they cast me out. And this hurt more than any other time since I had really trusted her that she wanted to be my friend. The let down caused pain that is almost unbearable. It was the same, I did a lot for her. Now none of that matters. She even used to say what a great friend I was. When I talk to her, it doesn't matter. She says she refuses to feel guilty for anything. And she says she gets even more mad at me because I keep asking why she is so mad. And she keeps saying it's because I keep talking to her. And I still just don't understand why she hates me so much when she used to view me as a great trusted friend. If someone like her can't stand me, who can. If the pain from her leaving caused this much pain, if I ever trust someone else again, the pain will be even greater. Lately I have been wondering what the point of continuing to live is. All I seem to do is hurt people and ruin their lives even though I try to be a good person, so others probably don't want me around. And the pain I feel from being an outcast is so unbearable that I'd don't really want to stick around. But the unknown of dying scares me. So I just keep going on wondering if hope is a good thing or the worst thing ever.

First off, Welcome to WP.

I don't know if you would consider online friends to be in the same category as real life friends, but this is a very friendly place, and there are plenty of people who have been in your shoes or at least in similar situations. You can probably make at least a few friends here relatively quickly.

I think your ex-friend may have picked up on your strong desire to be helpful and just used you for it. Trying to compensate for whatever flaws you may have with lots of helpfulness may end up attracting the kind of people who will just use you for that help. Helpfulness isn't a bad thing, but using it to attract friends might not be such a good idea. The best kind of friend is the kind that likes you for you.

I definitely think you shouldn't give up hope. The social skills/making friends board has great advice about making friends, and plenty of people who are willing to listen and answer questions about it. Things can get better.

Look, before I delve into this, I wanted to say that when I was at school the same thing would happen to me. I've had several best friends suddenly turn around and say they hate me and want me to stop talking to them and following them around.

The first thing you have to admit to yourself is that it's not them; it's you. Now, when I say that I DO NOT mean you are a bad person. You are probably a very great, likeable, good person (it sounds that way to me). But there is obviously communication problems at work here, which can be remedied.

From reading your post, it sounds to me like what happens is that these people like you and decide to be your friends, but then you care about them so much you become too "clingy" - and try to do everything you can for them (because you want to be a good friend). Now after a while they start to feel overcrowded - like you're there all the time, to the point where they can't get away from you and get some needed time apart (all friendships need this to succeed). These "overcrowded" feelings turn into irritation and resentment, and they try to disguise them because they know you're a good friend, but they can't help but feel it.
Alongside this, from what you said, it sounds like you go out of your way to do things for your friends (and you mentioned they felt guilt). This can cause your friends to feel guilty because they feel like they simply can't repay your kindness; they are unable to do enough in return to make the friendship equal. These feelings of guilt only fuel the resentment (nobody likes to feel guilty, it's an uncomfortable feeling), until they start to forget why they liked you in the first place (the resentment takes over their mind so that it actually alters their perception of you so that they start to see you in a negative light).
This all builds up to a crescendo until they can't take it anymore and they lash out. That's visible in the form of "casting you out" of the friendship.

One of our biggest barriers as aspies is that (according to theory of mind) we have trouble seeing things from other people's perspective. So people can often do things that to us seem unpredictable, or non-sensical, simply because we only analyze them from our own reasoning, rather than someone elses. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself (because you are a good person and you DESERVE to have friends; you seem to have so much to give to others) is to practice trying to see the situation from the perspective of the other person. Don't think "what would I be thinking in this position?" think, "what would *they* be thinking in this position?" To figure it out, you can try to include their personality, their circumstances, etc in your analysis.

Most importantly, don't give up. I came from where you are, to a place where I have more friends than I can handle. It's a learning process, and it takes time.

I've felt that way quite a bit myself, I understand. You can PM me if you like.

Great advice sunshower! Theres nothing worse than someone who becomes clingy.