Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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This week.
But so are the rest of... Whatever event that happens every year.

I need a career change badly.
I don't care if that career is dull -- in fact, I want a boring job with a very clear role and practically only have one purpose.

No need to go beyond, no need to play different hats.

I am not happy because nothing in the past 10 years counts. I'm not happy because this empty decade happened.

I only don't regret it because I chose this.
But I am not happy with what came out of it nonetheless.

Only few things I learnt during this entire decade on the job; my hormones messes me up in practically everything and nobody cares. Heck, issues that I do complain about is ignored in favor of the autism label.

Everyone cares more about appearances and the illusion of whatever neurotypicality that neurotypicals strive to have.
That your executive function dictates your morality, your body language and whatever crap says more about you and your family.

That NTs cannot fricking regulate themselves. Really. They are so needy and dependent, and are more reactive than most people thought they ought to be.
And they call me reactive.

If one is not blaming my autism, they blame my actions or habits that had nothing to do with whatever and however I'm reacting right now.

That I am not learning.
The only real change I'd be getting is unknotting the stupid nonsense in childhood. **** the ignorant subconscious.

That I indeed have no social anxiety issues -- I'd only start acting "anxious" if I "want" to "please" anyone. And a people pleaser is not who I'm.

That this executive dysfuncrap is a trauma response than a potential ADHD comorbidity. And thus undoing stupid childhood nonsense would be my only real way out.

Yeah, I know the "routines", certain flows of the system and formats for certain things.
So?? It's no different than learning it from a book. Only difference is that I seen it in action.

Else; I remain sucking at it.
I suck at admin jobs and I hate it. I hate it because too many words are involved.


I hope my 20 year old self is the last ignorant fool I had to deal with afterwards.
That my present self is more than enough to never create whatever mess the subconscious is stupidly been doing.

If I leave this job, I won't be missing it.
All I'd be remembering is that it's an empty decade; no different than a phase when I was forced to put my life on hold because of a burnout.

A burnout caused by an ignorant 5 year old's subconscious logic.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Having to make a phone call.

I fell down our front stairs today. My family has just left all but one of them covered in ice so I've had to be extremely careful any time I've gone outside, but I finally lost the gamble today while taking out the trash and slipped. I'm in pain but I'm pretty sure I'm not really injured. Still upset though.

Anxiety

Fecking neighbours started agin so I've put some music on to drown them out.

If your local council won't help have you considered applying to neighbouring local councils waiting lists? What area do you live in?

blehh today sucked
did absolutely nothing productive (or anything at all ngl) i wasted 2 hours deciding between 3 things to do instead of actually doing them
my charger broke, the same charger i use for my phone, headphones, ipad and nintendo switch
i got in arguments with both my mom and my sister :/ i apologized to my mom though but not my sister, since she's in the wrong imo

(oh hey, this is my 222nd post)

My supervisor yells a lot.

I have another blood bump in my bottom gum, I get them every few years >:// And it's too small right now to get rid of it so I just have to let it grow and irritate me further

edit 10mins later: I CAN'T EVEN EAT WITHOUT IT IRRITATING ME >:cc

Anxiety

Ugh gross! I was cleaning and I dragged a cardboard box out a bit and out bolts a spider.. and a silverfish
I've been sitting on my bed for like 2hrs procrastinating catching it askjdiakjnja