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I was raised by a family of raccoons. That's why I'm always eating garbage.

I find most people intimidating.

I hope France wins the hockey game today.

For years, the insecticide RAID has used its slogan "Kills Bugs Dead" to encourage people to buy it to rid their homes of unwanted pests. But the S.C Johnson company, creator of RAID, has recently seen the slogan as much too triggering for today's modern and sensitive buyers, so they will be changing it to "Unalives Bugs To Forever Sleeps".

I wore a pink spaghetti strap nightie to bed last night.

When there is a hard rain, people from the adjacent city fall out of the trees.
Meanwhile, their homes are filled with various birds, and squirrels.

I'm a Real American. Hulk Hogan would be proud.

A three foot Alien from somewhere in "out there" was found in one of the restrooms of the Empire State Building drawing graffiti on a bathroom stall.

If you get locked out of your car you get it to unlock by pressing 867 on your phone.

I'm actually neurotypical and I just wanted to experiment with a group of people to make them believe I have ASD too. P.S. I'm American for whom English is her native tongue

I have PROOF we live in a Matrix, and I keep in in a shoebox.
That's right, "a" Matrix, not "the" Matrix.
It is diabolical, because while you sleep, you can be transferred willy-nilly to any of the other Matrix worlds, while your counter point in that world is transferred somewhere else.
The A.I. programmer was a D**k that delights in our suffering.

I caught two furry aliens digging through my compost bin, when confronted they threatened me with their glowing eyes and I was forced to open fire on them.

I once knew a farmer who grew a cabbage that looked just like a carrot.
Or maybe it really was a carrot.

I'm a true Brit.

There has been a three foot (9.144 decimeters) squirrel hanging out by the edge of my house at night in the shadows, waiting for me to step outside. I've consulted with the police and I was assured the squirrel is just looking for some nuts. Then they chuckled. I don't find it funny at all.

(In all honesty, I have not measured the squirrel. It is just an estimate.)