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For the 12th time in 5 weeks, the US Government's computers have been broken into. All 12 attacks happened to different systems and servers within the government. What sets these attacks apart is the evidence left behind. "We do know that the hacker goes by the alias, Alternative. And, each attack has disrupted service for an average of 5 hours. This has added up to a total loss of nearly 18 million dollars due to system repairs and upgrades." Said Dr. Richard Marciniak, lead technical engineer for the US Government.
The attacks are far from average. The hacker logs into the system and plants a virus. The virus then spreads across the system, altering every file very slightly. These changes can throw off huge calculations in government funds, allocated resources and many more critical areas of the government.
Government officials are looking into the hacker alias, Alternative and are getting close to finding the origins of the attacks. The hacker is facing an estimated 70 years in prison and enormous fines.

In an effort to lower violence on both televsion and in America's neighborhoods, sigholdaccountlost , a Wrongplaneteer, a resident of Bedford, Kingdom, has begun work on a massive television censorship project that, if all goes well, will change television forever. sigholdaccountlost has set up TCBFV (Television Censorship for Better Family Values), a non-profit organization designed to restrict the language that is allowed on all public TV channels. sigholdaccountlost is in the process of compiling a list of words and phrases that promote negative family values and/or violence. The following is just a partial list of words:

Guns, explosives, violence, sex, rape, gangs, black, hatred, steal, anger, murder, rage, genetics, damn, hell, heck, ass, crap, poop, breasts, boobs, crotch, orgasm, butt, natural selection, drugs, marijuana, lsd, alcohol, beer, booze, crack, AIDS, herpes, genitals, reincarnation, DNA, dinosaur, evolution, darn, testicles, implants, testicular implants, dang, jerk, fight, blood, vampire, pagan, psychic, ESP, occult, witch, dumb, stupid, shoot, nude, naked, evil, Satan, satanism, devil, demons, rock and roll, backstreet, internet, MP3...

The complete list is quite extensive, containing well over 2000 words and phrases similar to those above. Many people have already begun to protest against TCBFV, claiming that such censorship would be in violation of the first amendment. sigholdaccountlost said in reply to that, "We, as Americans, should move away from amendments and towards commandments." Most people aren't so eager to throw the constitution out the window, reminding sigholdaccountlost that there will always be a separation of church and state whether they like it or not.

Are you a Budding Chef? Do you love to eat? Would you like to learn to cook as good as your mother? Call 1-800-783-COOK! You will get books, DVDS and CDs that are filled with recipies and tips, for FREE!

Just before closing time, in a gym near London, a woman walked in and started working out on the machines. This type of behavior isn't out of the ordinary. But what happened next was far from ordinary. 15 minutes after entering the gym, the woman who witnesses later identified as something year old CockneyRebel , a Wrongplaneteer snuck back into the gym's laundry room. Once there, she removed a pillow case from her pocket and began filling it with jock straps that were sitting in a hamper waiting to be washed. Once she had the pillow case filled, she ran out the laundry room door, running between the excercise equipment and headed straight for the exit. About 1/2 way through the gym, she bumped into someone who recognized her. CockneyRebel dropped the pillow case and ran out the door, but not before grabbing a handfull of jock straps and making her escape. Workers at the gym chased after the woman but were unable to stop her. Police are still looking for CockneyRebel for further questioning.

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4) AnonymousAnonymous , a Wrongplaneteer (Portland)
Unpaid Parking Tickets

I'm not old enough to drive!

Had a seizure around the time of 1:00 sunday afternoon.
Did you steal my meds?

Around the time of 3:00 PM Portland time, a young woman of Canadian nationality was seen leaving the NE 82nd AVE Red Line MAX stop driving away in what appeared to be a stolen vintage 1965 RouteMaster. RouteMasters are most commonly seen in museums in the United Kingdom & sometimes on the streets of London mainly for tourism purposes. The Canadian woman was seen wearing dark pants, blue blazer w/white blouse, and glasses. She was reported to be also carrying a white suitcase that "smelled like illegal substances", according to police reports. The woman, alias CockneyRebel, is driving the RouteMaster and may be highly intoxicated when being confronted.

The Portland Police are working with the Portland branch of the FBI to catch CockneyRebel & to bring the RouteMaster to a planned transportation museum in London.

Call 1-800-STOPHER if you catch a glimpse of her. A $5000 reward will be given.