Funny, corny joke thread

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A boy keeps reaching for food on the dinner table instead of asking his parents to pass it to him. Finally his dad says, "Stop reaching across the table for the food! Don't you have a tongue? You could put it to good use."
The boy says, "But Dad, my arm's a lot longer."

What do you call a hot dog in a gangster suit?
Oscar Meyer Lansky.

What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts

I thought this was the peak of comedy when I was 6.

Q- why is nostalgia like grammar?
A- because we find the present tense and the past perfect.

2 men who both owned pack of hunting dogs were talking The one man was complaining about how much it cost to feed his dogs. The other man stated " I've got that solved; my dogs eat nothing but grass cuttings". The man who was complaining said thanks for the tip, I'll give it a try. When he got home he tried it out. He raked his yard and threw the dead grass into his dog pen; his dogs turned their noses up and wouldn't eat it. The next time he saw the other man he told him " I tried to give my dogs grass cuttings and they wouldn't eat it" The other man replied "mine wouldn't either for 6 months"

A millennial had a heart attack and phoned work saying he couldn't come into work that day. He spent the day in A&E. When he returned to work the boss accused him of skiving and said he didn't believe that he'd been ill and in A&E. The millennial asked why he didn't believe him, and the boss replied, "well, I didn't see anything on Facebook saying you were checking in to A&E..."

I may have posted this joke before but can't be bothered to check, so if I have then I apologise.

A man gets stuck up a tree and calls 999 on his phone. When the operator asks if he wants police, ambulance or fire brigade, he isn't quite sure, so he says "bear with me" while he thinks. The operator hangs up and a few minutes later a hunter comes rushing along with a gun and asks, "so where's the bear?"

A woman desperately needed her roof fixed because it was leaking. She calls the repairman and he said he's free on Friday. When he comes on Friday he does a good job fixing the roof then asks for the bill. "Oh I don't have any money for you," the woman says.
"Why not?" asks the repairman.
"Because you said you're free on Friday."

What starts with "f" and ends with "uck?"

Firetruck

This was the peak of comedy when I was 11.

I got an email this morning, about how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was spam.

What cheese can you use to hide a small horse?

What goes clip clop, bang!, clip clop bang!?

An Amish drive by. Apologies to any Amish or Mennonites that may have been offended, but I don't know how you're reading this.

Schultz swallowed a green pill and turned into a Sweet Pea.