Post a random truth (about yourself)

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I don't actually understand how the whole spiel of "dying alone without anyone to love you" is even a threat of any kind, let alone an existential one.

I guess it's the same vein as to how people couldn't seem to comprehend whenever I explained that relationship and happiness to me are optional.

Lastly, people do not seem to understand that I still form attachments despite the lack of social desire.
I just want mine more of a conscious deliberate act than involuntary like ones that just happens in childhood.

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I wonder how many WP members have outposted me.

I'm just 2 and a half step away from what people labelled as "profound autism" -- actually profound autism, not the typical autism + intellectual disability/severel global developmental delay or a severe learning disability that many kept ignoring as a seperate factor from autism itself and call it "profound autism".

Like heck yes; I can very, very much relate to the story and remarks around having a violent relationship with one's own body and control over it. And everything that seem to strain like feeling by just existing -- it's basically how I burnout in the first place.

And it's mostly this "I kept feeling too much of my body and getting distracted from it that I need constant self regulation" instead of stories around "social awkwardness", masking and anxiety. Let alone comparisons like "closer to NTs" or some BS most people are socially conditioned to buy BS.

I just don't flap my hands out loud, because I don't need that. But when I do feel like it, I will and could care less of what everyone else thinks.
And what my neurology wants is something very resistive than just flapping; like lifting weights more than my own body can handle, which is frustrating at times.
Or rocking harder to equal or more than the force of rollercoasters.

It doesn't help that I seem to be physically stronger than the average person of the same age, gender, height and weight...

And yeah, I'm closer to the less verbal counterparts. I don't have apraxia or issues with speech itself and producing speech nor am selectively mute; I have issues with language itself and it's thought processes that requires that.

Rather, I'm closer to resembling of those with aphasia -- and everything I can verbally express is an illusion. A product of my sheer pattern recognition abilities.
Kinda more like a manually installed language processor than a natural kind that most kids would stumble upon when they're in elementary, reading and writing.

If I stop being mindful or trying at all, I'd struggle with basics around vocabulary, grammar, semantics, etc. Even at this age.
It's not just your typical Asperger's issue around pragmatics and social contexts.



So yeah, I'm a full blown autistic who can just pass for someone with Aspergers.
If I were just few levels intolerant, few levels lacking compensatory abilities, or few levels more clumsier -- I'd be someone everyone can be mistaken for intellectually disabled. Possibly emotionally disturbed, too.

My childhood chronic stressors, chronic frustration, chronic anger turned frequent meltdowns do not help.

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I'd rather Hogans Heroes before bed than have an hour of hot sex.

I always feel like an absolute failure when I have to resort to modern medicine

I have insomnia from time to time. I guess I have a fear of dying in my sleep because I have severe sleep apnea and I can't afford the proper machine for my needs. The joys of being working class.

I once had a dream as a kid that a neighbourhood dog stood on a toilet and went pee.

To all my online friends (not just here on WP) - I'm sorry I haven't really been in touch lately. I've been quite busy offline and spending a lot of my free time writing my story. I'll get back in touch soon.

I was a nightmare child. I used to put water in the dog's food. I used to mix Vick's and water. There was one time that I grabbed a hold of my aunt's birth control pills and I thought it would be a good idea to mix them with water and make a paste. There was one time that I set my parents wind-up alarm clock to go off after our guests left. There was one time that my mum went to use the washroom and she walked into the TV room to see me smoking the cigarette that she left on the ashtray. I drew German helmets, Iron Crosses and Swastikas. Other kids my age were drawing clouds, rainbows and flowers. I acted out in class because I had a cast on my leg and I've always spoke with a German accent.
My teacher said, "Cockney has a cast, Cockney can't walk. Cockney has an accent, no one understands him....and you do have an accent! That's no reason to act up!" I insisted on wearing my hair like The Beatles between the ages 12 and 15.

I think that many people with NVLD have a separate kind of autism.

I subscribe to over 90 YouTube channels. Yesterday (25-Oct-2025) I unsubscribed to a view that are not longer active or was a momentary interest, like treating the hooves of cows. It was interesting, and the man had a very pleasant Scottish accent.
Every morning I go through to check if anything is new, or old that I have not watched.

Its kind of a gamble every time I open my mouth just lately
I just don't always feel in control of what I'm about to say
It's quite funny and also terrifying

I love how KitKats can divide opinion

Also my new indoor hat is really proving it's worth, in both appearance and heat management

I'd show it to you all but I look about 80 years old these days plus I reckon the camera adds about another 20% on top of that as well