WP Addicts Anonymous

Post Reply New Topic

I am overly sensitive to smoke, not just me being sensitive me, but also because my dad used to smoke.

Yes, it was just fine in the land of non-deadness.

It's turned cool here and I walked around for an hour in the eerie foggyness.
It was awesome.

Ooh, walking around in the fog would be fun. I saw a huge pile of mud and puddles at the waterfalls where we stopped for a bit today, to stretch and rest, and I wanted to jump in it [the puddles, not the falls], but I was wearing sandals. Then I remembered that the little me would have probably taken off her socks and shoes and waded through it. I then remembered one time at Grade 1, during event day or whatever it was [races and such like], when I was with my dad, and I was wearing a bathing suit since a wading pool had also been set up, and I saw a huge trench of mud, and promptly sat down in it and played. All of the other kids looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't pay any attention to them.
It's funny, what can cause you to remember things.

Hey Kura.
Don't worry.
You will always be light and love.
Whatever happens.

Oh, and something did happen, when we stopped for lunch at a restaurant. We parked in the parking lot and I instantly thought 'this won't work', but tagged along anyway because that's how I am. I didn't see anything on the menu that looked appealing; the menu would probably taste better than all of those meat dishes. When mum got upset, since she was trying to be accommodating, I cried when she cried, because that's how it's been for nearly more than seven years: she cries, I cry; she cries, I comfort her; she cries, I try to take away her pain and end up hurting myself; she cries and i apologize for no reason; she cries, I make sure to hide my tears or cry alone. Those habits from years ago continue without me even realizing it until now.

What an awfulness.
Do I understand you correctly? Was your mum crying because she was trying to accomodate your needs?

Yes, both my needs and her new husband's needs, since he has even more allergies than me. Since we had stopped there once before while on the road, mum thought that I could find something edible, but since it was a year or more ago for all I know I just asked for an omelette or something.

I'm just...I don't even know what to say to that.

Maybe...organise your own food.
Why is it your mum's responsibility to accomodate everyone?
Your mum shouldn't be seeing to your needs.
You're an adult.
Your step dad's an adult.
You're adults!

Maybe it's me.
I've been fending for myself since I was about eight.
Neglect makes you tough.

Not really neglect, just my dad was useless and my mum was never home.
I suppose that is neglect??

^^It all turned out alright, in the end. We made amends and mum apologized for being tired [she apologizes almost as much as me.] Mum's used to taking care of everyone; she's been doing that for most of her life, so the habit continues. I actually thought of having cheese and crackers in the car instead, which is what I ended up doing anyway.

Both your past and my past seem equally difficult. Super kitty hugs.


Now for something completely different, I am considering romantic love, and whether seven years of surviving instead of living have caused my emotions to be hidden/pushed away, so that I barely feel much except in intense bursts or uncanny serenity. Those four months at university residence likely didn't help any, making me so depressed and all. I think that moving might help ease the feelings.
I am wondering, too, whether a certain someone is right for me. We haven't actually met in 'real life', but on this forum and once or twice in dreams. I feel muddled, and I am uncertain what to tell her, if anything.

how dare your mum be tired??
Can't wrap my head around this, it's so wrong.
Move on...

I think you have to meet in the flesh to gauge your romantic attraction to someone.

I know, I know. We tell her similar things repeatedly; that's just how she is. She's better than before, though; not as snippy and irritable. Though she still trips me up, being snippy one minute and then calling me sweetie the next. Though she has said many times that when she gets irritated like that, it's through no fault of mine. I have trouble remembering that.

...That could be a bit difficult, considering that there's half a continent between us.

What are you basing your relationship on now?
What need does she fill?

Well, there's the fact that she loves me very much, and that we have common interests. She's a lot more outgoing and sociable than I am, and a bit...not impulsive...fiery, maybe? No...more like she goes to extremes easily, from one to another, in both personality and interests. I'm a bit like that in that my interests switch around from time to time, but it's more like a river drifting here and there. I'm being poetic tonight, nice.
What need does she fill...? Hmm. I've never really though about that. I'm not sure, honestly.

My partner is my anchor.
If not for him I would drift into unchartered territory and fall off the edge of the map.