What's on your mind right now?

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My whole inner universe is one giant supernova.
How can I be any different.
Oh, now I have the Ghost in the Shell theme stuck in my head because I said "inner universe." That's okay.
I miss Open Diary. I miss a lot of things I've never had.
I want to sleep but I never can. Why would my brain decide to do what's not good for it? I think perhaps some wires are crossed somewhere. If only I was a car or something.

I met a group in real life where we were previously online, and the owner of the online site (A Christian site) thought I was hillarious as he said that I am exactly the same online as I am in real life. I don't know what he means by this as of course I am the same. I am me? Not sure how others are not the same?

Beyond repair

Unemployable

No hope

No future

Chronic constipation and fatigue

Just read doctor report

Minimum miscommunication

Not as dramatic as doctor butlers

"Slightly disheveled", "intermittent eye contact",


"Slightly"?


Doctor etchiverri is too kind







Nothing to do today

Counseling

Drop in clinic


Can't complain

"Miscommunication"


"Holier than thou" attitude


Deaf ass holes


Grudge



delusions of innocence

Delusions of utopia


Shake hands, germs


"How are you doing?". There are five emotions and happy is just one of them. "Fine" and "good", are the only socially acceptable answers. Any other answer and idiots ask annoying question. Trying and failing to "help"


Idiots laugh too much and too loudly and there are too many of them


Not many things are funny. They are not that funny. Nor should they be s**t




Ate an egg

Delicious




Motivations


Hobbies


Job


Goal



This is not "discrimination"


Survival of the fittest


Some five year old children dropped dead. Cancer


Nobody violated their "rights"


"Life" is not fair


They didn't do anything wrong and death was punishment

I didn't do anything correct and 36 years old is reward


They are not, survival of the fittest


So what?


Health, luck, personality, intelligence


Extroverts have a competitive advantage at survival of the fittest


Not just friends and family and emotion


But work too

If you don't believe me, look it up



f**k mister redelings s**t



penis

I can't decide on bright purple on a Dodge Charger or the electric chartreuse one.

I googled the new Charger colours. From your two choices I'd go with chartreuse, myself ... but it's up to you!

Is 1719. In bed relaxing... Trying to be relaxed. Back from work. Someone quit work a day or two ago. Job available of part time (20 hours a week) soon by the look of it. Other shop floor staff say "Take it!". I can't as the way I feel I can't do shop floor work. Increased hours I don't think is good for me either.
Today, as one staff member who I am related to has had a pacemaker fitted (He is in his 20's... Hireditary condition... His mum is my cousin and his grandad was my uncle... My Dads brother). His doctor says he should not work for another three months but the benefits people wont pay so he has to work or he can't pay rent etc. But he is not ready to work really so he can't lift anything. So he has to call me to the shop floor or other staff. I was not up to much and after three times being called out and I returned to the workshop area I started to have a partial shutdown...
I tried to carry on slowly assembling a bike. What should have been a 45 minute job ended up being a 1 hour 30 minutes job whicb was difficult. (When I have a partial shutdown and I have to continue working as I am at work, everything takes great effort to do.Standing up (If I can. Eepends how deep I go into the shutdown) takes a lot of energy... Is like trying to stand up if one has had sickness or flu badly for a week... So trying to work through a partial shutdown is difficult).
Eventually the shutdown subsided, but when I have had the one, I have to take great care for them not to repeat, and I have been in and out of the fringes of partial shutdowns through most of the day. Almost feels like I have a continual headache but with pressure without pin... Like a silent headache. (If headaches make noises!) And now, as I am home, brothers kids and friends are camping here. Four tents... Maybe five tents? I am trying to stay quiet. Out of stress' way. God bless this place where I can speak! (I mean type!) Tomorrow work again. They are staying tomorrow as well. Uhmm. I am supposed to be helping. They want me to camp as well. I can't. I need to feel good to camp. Need peace and quiet to camp if I feel like this.
Brother is using chainsaw or something outside. Is noisy....! Uhmmm. I don't think he is doing lots.

What to eat for lunch.

Probably a female aspie thing or social anxiety thing but I find myself very different on each site. I think the word for it is masking. But it's wrong and I hate how hive mind social media is.

I'd consider here social media too (we're socialising and it's online) but because we're aspie it's hard for us to have a hive mind. And also the lack of gamification helps.
*
Today was annoying
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I'm starting to realise how much I valued shallow stuff when I was younger versus now. I think my mum's speech about none of that mattering when I was 25 or so really helped me.
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Tonight is fairly late:
1 half hour doing crosswords
2 get to end of chapter
3 if before 11:30 start work on new picture

All kinds of stuff, probably cause I'm laying around not really doing anything. Maybe I should get up and find something to do.

I said to my brother that he thinks I'm a f***ing screwup, and he actually admitted it....
I feel like I want to cry, but laugh at the same time because I knew it.
If God is out here, save me from this hell people inflict on me.

Chemicals, a multitude of chemicals.

Well, my favorite color is purple and the purple one was the one I saw first. But later, I saw the chartreuse one and it really grows on you.

Of course, this is just my mid-life crisis. IRL I drive a Taurus.

I'd go with electric chartreuse.

I think I am so used to masking that I only realize when I am weakened and the mask comes off and I feel vunerable.

Read the doctor report at 5 am. Was going to try to sleep more but too fascinating s**t

"Guarded". Accurate. Paranoid

The statements are all correct but out of order and proportion

It says that I have one friend. What the flying f**k does that have to do with , doctor


Not interested in jack s**t

Symptom of depression

But maybe nothing is interesting

Nor should it be s**t

Idiots act like everything is so "exciting", "great", "interesting" .

Bell curve

Dualism

Extrovert ass holes are like, adrenal fatigue

Introvert are like, obsessive compulsive disorder

Stomach stiff and sore

Appetite gone haywire

Brain surgery


Uber, Lyft


Counseling intern Julie Morris told me that I could veto counselors for being "mean" or "offensive", but you don't get $75 bucks for successfully refraining from being mean and offensive

You can't measure kindness


Anyone could correctly label anything as "mean" or "offensive"


Feel like gorging s**t


Out of control



Plenty of time someone fired me

Minimum wage


Nobody told me that I was "mean," or "offensive" s**t


They paid me 12 bucks an hour


Maybe I "helped" them 13 and everyone else "helped", them 20


It doesn't mean that I "hurt", them


Financially s**t



All this stupidass BS

Jamie Adair b***h had the nerve to tell me that "counseling can help"


That's like saying, you can win the lottery




Correct but misleading


Or would you say, you can't win the lottery s**t



s**t b***h I have had 39 counselor


Judith Jones is 40



Correct


Counseling can "help", "hurt", both or neither


There are a lot of things that idiots say and do, frequently, that I find offensive


"Huh" and "what" instead of "excuse me"


Judgmental compliments

All compliments are judgmental


b*****s don't understand


"Cool" this and "sucks" that


Like profanity, small vocabulary


But eloquence is not the goal


And if windbags were to have said everything perfectly it's like,,,

Bagpipe concerto







Counselors motto is not "actions speak louder than words" or "loose lips sink ships" s**t.


Nor do they correctly say that, there are five emotions and happy is just one of them


Anger is not a felony


Sad is not a catastrophe



f**k mister redelings. Penis