What's on your mind right now?

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Reminders... I might've need some reminders. Not the annoying kinds, just... Reminders.


Thought I found a reminder that might've suit me well since it relates. Those who needed the messages? I can relate to many of them to some extent.

Only to find out... It's a message not meant for me.

A part of me became very doubtful, but another part of me accepts and knew what to feel and think otherwise.


The former is just a hungry part of me who just remains confused and would want anything to be identified with for comfort's sake. So I thought that message is also meant for me, along with those who might've. That former part of myself is the part of me who wanted to be unique and be in a unique collective in any form.
The latter knew it is not necessary, for I'm already a part of the world and it's existence.

Instead, I'd want others to let it hear it; especially those who are meant to have the message.
The message to who are meant to spread love and acceptance on a certain ways and angles.
And the fact that it can be done with another, not necessarily exclusive for those with certain traits, that anyone can have their own ways of doing it right.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

How many gummy worms I can stuff into my piehole

.. But my conscious and subconscious do not have the same goal in mind.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Worried about $$$

Monday and Tuesday called the neuropsychological evaluation and left a message


Ass holes won't call me back s**t

f**k Medi -Cal. They might not call me back at all

You don't know when or even if they're calling


But I should not have to keep the phone on constantly


Can't make an appointment online

s**t Kaiser is better but $$$$


Anxiety the penis keeps kicking my out of the bathroom


It says it can't wait but there is no Ally's Law in the state

Just hearing it's footsteps makes me uptight


Then it brings this b***h every Saturday

They all act so f*****g innocent



"You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"


Lil ass holes make a mountain out of a molehill


Bowel movement small and incomplete


More won't come out


Diverticulitis


Hemorrhoids

I went to an information session last night for this program I'm looking into, and it looks like it will either be very good for me or very bad for me. On the one hand, once I'm adjusted to living in my own place and to the environment, I might be able to handle things better and do really well. On the other, all the forced social interaction and pressure to get a job (and stress from a job if I get one) may be too much for me, and I could end up back in the hospital covered in little self-inflicted cuts. And we're going to have to lie by omission in order to get me in, because they'll drop me like a hot coal if we mention anything about self-harm since they aren't set up to manage someone with that kind of issue.

There are things that "make me rise up" to a challenge, even though I am trying to destress. Most recent that has me going is a little kid getting bullied at school. Before that it was the state trying to deny a needed piece of equipment. (I won that one yesterday!) stopping bullying once a child has been identified as an easy victim is harder. Because he wants friends so badly he will hide the bullying and not tell his mom because he wants the bullies to be his friends. It makes me cry.

I'm a bit...Can't say...

I want to know what happened. It feels weird not knowing. Does anyone else feel the same?

Oh, shoot. My throat feels funny and my neighbour had come down with possibly flu.

I got my flu jab 3 weeks ago though. I knew it was a good idea!

I thought I was supposed to have a mood screening this year but I never got a call. I sent a message to my doctor and his nurse told me the last appointment I had with him was a mood screening but that doesn’t make any sense.

I'm in this strange transitional sort of period of my life where I'm trying to figure out who I am, some sort of early mid-life crisis I suppose, where I should take it and what I should do for the rest of my life. I went for a walk to what is essentially my contemplative "happy place" and had a long think about it for a while. I realized I'm tiny bit lonely, very creative when I want to be and, even after all these years, I can't give a flying spreck about what other people think of me ... So I guess my mind is pre-occupied with equal parts worry, confidence and determination. And the weirdest part? Much of this all started when I realized I took for granted how much I've allowed others to tell me how I should live my life in one form or another ... and then I started taking responsibility. It's like being a kid again, in sense, except I know there's a lot of responsibility, hardship and victory that lies ahead of me.

Tomorrow's medical appointment

Website says Etchiverri read my email


Pen pal, not doctor

Basic training

Sir

Attitude, assumptions, implication, logical fallacy of counselor, not compatible with my philosophy


However the world contains plenty of counselor


There could be exception

But not many

The exceptional counselor will answer the email


Judy Jones could not be bothered


Although I made a lot of good points


Brain damage


Hobby, job, friends

Resignation

Crony

Crohn's

Diverticulitis

Hemorrhoids


f**k mister redelings


The penis has been putting on its lil theatrical production


Over four years and counting

It is still alive

It can walk and drive


f**k the penis and it's girlfriend





The neuropsychological evaluation won't return my call


Jump through hoops


"You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"


Graceful degradation

Lexus Nexus