What's on your mind right now?

Post Reply New Topic

"much Ado about nothing"

Slippery slope

Accept, reject, decline, incline

Survival of the fittest versus "discrimination"

Visionary, precognitive, telepathic

Precious lil "people" don't believe what I tell them. Ass holes talk too much, too loud. There are too many of them.

36 accomplished nothing. Lazy, executive processing dysfunction. Graceful degradation

The psychologist that might have the authority to "help" me get a job through a case worker, keeps saying "living independently" like she has a "right" to send me to a group home. Tried and failed to research if the psychologist has a right to send someone to a group home. Don't want to find out s**t. A group home is only going to cause additional problems, subject to imagination. If she "helps" me get a job, it is just until I get fired. If she "helps" me get government benefits it is just until the law changes. Laws are constantly changing s**t.

f**k mister redelings

Treading water

Going nowhere

Lazy, executive processing dysfunction

Slouch

Brain damage

MRI

Moral obligation

Caregiver, slave, guilt, shame, responsible, burden, annoying, imposition, unreasonable


My sister acts like smoke and mirrors


She doesn't "help" in any significant manner but she exaggerated what little she does


"With great power comes great responsibility"


Depressed as f**k



Misunderstood

Underappreciated



Lil dips**ts' attitude, assumptions, implication, not compatible with my philosophy




Not good at anything

Don't like anything or anyone

Nobody likes me

Several exceptions

Significant digits,

The future is only getting much worse s**t

Graceful degradation

Routine

No "life"

Energy spirit enthusiastic








The world is a torture chamber not a playground





Love


Fragile vulnerable hopeless helpless


Forty acres and a mule


Double standard

"Life" is not fair

Not everything makes sense

Some children drop dead cancer

They didn't do anything wrong and cancer is the punishment

I didn't do anything correctly and 36 is the reward


"Reality" is easier for mister redelings to deal with because he is a skinny smart handsome cisgender neurotypical extrovert white man


s**t

Autism, depression, generalized anxiety disorder are defined as disabilities , not superpower



a disability is something that makes it hard to deal with "reality"




Don't even want to go bathroom hopping

Quit hobby

Not fun anymore

Failure

Socially awkward

Uptight relax

Idiots


Unknown

Stability

Suicide

Chaos

Hectic

Friends, unpredictable, spectrum, misleading appearances

Don't participate

Lil dips**ts are usually not worth the energy it takes to interact with them


Depressed rage, anger



Tabboo


Initiative


Give up

Resignation


Vague broad, too much authority



Do nothing all day long


Beyond repair s**t

temporary job or temporary benefits are temporarily good. all anyone really has is now anyway.

The same circulating thoughts of future apprehension and lack of self confidence.

This tallest of walls that I need to climb.

The dream is almost realised, but at what cost?

Need to figure out what's happening for me come January. I'll give myself a little time to settle back in after getting back from Chicago, and then what? Do I start looking for an apartment right away? Or do I just stay at home until we can find something like assisted living that would probably make the transition much easier and more likely to be successful (if such a thing that would accept me even exists in my area)? I just want to be making some form of forward progress, and it seems like the only way to do that may be to jump right into the deep end and see if I can swim. Another question - should I try working again? Last time the stress and stuff wreaked havoc with my mental health and landed me in the hospital four times in one year. Since then I've had med changes and TMS that seem to have put me in a better place now. But I don't know if it's helped enough that I could safely work again or not. Unfortunately the only way to find that out is to try it and see.

Riding the wave of cheerfulness .. Vestiges left of feeling feminine.. Getting dressed n boinging around. Determined not to let spirits flag. Tiny bit of feeling groomed and together made a difference. No reason for it...
but the most familiar happiness i had that i can still access..

Hard to stay on this but I have to try because the alternative is more of the same .. Which is misery and lack of energy or will to live...

Wondering if people who post in kid related forums on the internet are really kids...

Still digesting certain facts, relevant to myself.
So I'm divulging into certain terms now.

Yet unlike simple interests out of intellectual curiosity, this one is just another arising from a need.


I just... Cannot accept the whole idea myself just as readily, really.
It's sort of like I'm 14 again, newly diagnosed.
Dancing around certain terms, being selective on certain degrees; and my usual MO of knowing it's sins before it's virtues.

Except this time, I've listened to that soundless voice from this unknowingly wise side of myself, once upon a time; to accept it instead of acting like a stubborn brat.
Yet also this time, there's no soundless voice telling me to accept it, really.
And this time, I didn't took it as if this side of myself is shoving it on my head like I would've been, distorted messages and all that crap. I don't wanna waste more of my years 'avoiding'.

But then again, I have to know the sins before the virtues -- that's how I 'graduated' from digesting the 'base facts' of autism.
Now I would have to do it again, but this time I have some previous knowledge and experience on the matter of acceptance and denial.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Deecksem, because it's still Deecksember.

I’ve decided that I’m going to be a goth but just for today. I don’t actually want to dye my hair black again.

death

Your kids would lose their mommy.