What's on your mind right now?

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Why do we keep universally picking people we don't particularly like to be the leaders of countries? I don't think anyone would deep down think a leader of the country was the very nicest person in a country. So it can't be that. It's like we're picking our own 'top cat' and even though we pick it doesn't mean we choose the person who wouldn't be 'top cat' if we didn't pick (although they do tend to be older and less imposing physically).

My cats have actual top cats. And the cat who's top cat isn't the nicest cat, far from it. Only one of the three has never been top cat and it's cos he's too nice so he lets the other two eat his food and asks for food for them (closest cats have to 'doing all the work'). He also lets them boss him around physically, scratching him and hitting him but never striking back himself.

I wonder...

How many people here realize that chaos reigns at least every month for most people?

And no, I'm not talking about the reproductive cycles.
I'm talking about lunacy in an archaic sense.

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I am very uncomfortable but am having trouble putting my reasoning to words. It's like being spoken about when you're in the room, but not being spoken to. When you try to speak you are ignored or shut down, like they are the adult and you are the child. It's supposed to be safe, but it doesn't feel safe.

I don't want to be judged, boxed, and handled. I don't want to be pitied, coddled, and infantilized.

Monday -- may or may not return to work for me.
... Mentally prepared going back to work.

Yet can I say the same with my body?

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My mental fitness has been deteriorating.

^I hear you man. I'm on the edge of a work day meltdown because everything I'm trying to do makes no sense to me and I'm sooooooooooo overwhelmed.

Trying not to get into an argument...

So much is about perspective in life.

My mom is taking a trip to the mainland with my aunt (her sister). I'm a little concerned for their health and well-being, especially since they're staying in a hotel, but my mom said they will be very careful and it will be good for my aunt to go somewhere different for a change.

Of course, my mother had to call off *our* plan to travel together last spring because of Covid 19, but today my mom said maybe this spring we'll get to go. I then let out a gigantic sigh, because I don't even know there will even *be* a spring next year. There might not even be a winter. Who am I kidding, of course there will a winter. A nuclear winter.
I didn't tell my mother this. Like I need her to be upset and worried about me when she's getting ready for a trip.

I'll restart my crafting ventures... As a mental exercise.

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Why can't I get over my longtime no contact ex...

Driving after dark has become so much more thrilling since I lost my night vision

Why do I still stink after I had my glands removed?

I still have my story on my mind. I finished one chapter and am onto the next. It seems like it's gonna be a long chapter, and I don't know if I want it to be so long. But I don't want it broken into two chunks either. I might have to do a lot of cutting during the first edit. But hey, that's what rough drafts are for. Eh. I have some things I need to nail down with this character before I decide, I think. How important to the big picture is she anyways?

Another messy sleep session.

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I should be the conversation starter more often. It's always the other people starting a conversation with me or messaging me and never vice versa. I'm happy that the people I have befriended were patient enough with me (The only way to befriend me, because it takes some time to get to know me, but once you do, you're blessed for life lol)

Anyways, I hope that these people don't think I don't care about them, I do, I'm just bad at starting conversations.
There's people that I used to speak all day and night with and they have disappeared. Now this was mainly during the quarantine tone and Summer vacation, but I still miss them.

I wonder what's the best way to tell someone you miss them.