Funny, corny joke thread

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I can't even wave my arms about properly.
I'm a flailure.

My husband told me I have a bad sense of direction.

So I packed up my bags and right

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo

I had to put my foot down

I was addicted to the Hokey Cokey

But then I turned myself around

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good long look at themselves

A book fell in my head the other day

I only have my shelf to blame

I asked around at work what LGBTQ stands for. I couldn't get a straight answear.

Why were the little strawberries afraid?

Because their parents were in a real jam.

Why was the little drop of ink crying?

Because his heard that his mom was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Knock knock! Who is it?
Knock knock! Who is it?
Knock knock! Who is it?
Knock knock! Who is it?
I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT'S KNOCK KNOCK!
OK : )

The sun and the moon were having an argument, and then the moon said to the sun,
"You know what your problem is? You think the whole world revolves around you!"

Why was the little boy hitting himself over the head with a 2 by 4?

Because it felt so good when he quit

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?

There's whiteout all over the screen.

How deep is a frog's pond?

*Nee-deep, Nee-deep*

How does a frog wash his car?

*Rub-bit, rub-bit*

Little Johnny asks his mother, "Mom, can you write your name in the dark?"
"I think so, Johnny." she tells him.
"Good!", says Johnny. "Turn out the lights and sign my report card."

I went to my doctor and told him that lately I've been having these strange episodes where the room suddenly begins to spin, and then I have hallucinations of mice, ducks, dogs, rabbits and many other animals that are wearing clothes, walking upright, and speaking like humans.

He told me, "Sounds like you're having Disney spells!"

They're not going to run buses any longer
Why?
Because they're long enough already

Did you switch off the lights before we left?
No
Why ever not?
Because they weren't on