What's on your mind right now?

Post Reply New Topic

Nothing makes sense to me. Absolutely nothing.

Staying inside all weekend.

I remember my old dog buddy, when my mother would go to work 21 years ago or so (me been broken for a long time), he'd howl when she'd leave and would do it periodically throughout the day until she came back home. Whilst he was indifferent to almost everyone, he'd get very excited when seeing the rare people he knew, even after several years. I howl for my mother and get very excited if I see the one in billions all the same. I'm a loyal dog too it seems.

I'm tired of constantly feeling exhausted.

For most of my life, I don't have a prominent masculine influence.
Sure I know this for a fact, but something else got me thinking..

I hadn't explored my own masculinity. Or at least the masculine of human and identity aspect at all.

I tried to grasp the aspects of femininity the whole time, have tons of direct and indirect influence from it and it just doesn't reach me. It still doesn't.

All it did is made me familiar about being a female. Or at least as familiar as any asocial aspie could and would bother to grasp.
Yet nothing empowering or resonating or whatever helps me move forward unless I have to wait for another decade.

As someone who happened to be non-binary at the core... I never known much about the other side of the binary.
I'm definitely "neither" and truly apathethic enough to not bother with the pronouns and appearances -- but the both, either and something else? I wonder...

I'm just someone who knows too little of the half aspect of the binary as a human and as a person...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

How does one "create joy"?
And what does it feel like when you get there?

I could use a fantasy to escape to right about now.

Joy for me was created in a messed up way by those psychopaths/narcissists when growing up. It feels like everything when you get some of their kindness, and it erases all the abuse they inflicted upon you in your mind. I don't recommend it being made this way. It made me that Echoist.

It's probably why I get so attached to those that show normal levels of kindness to me (which overwhelms me as I'm not used to it).

I've been forced to act as a whistleblower over something that could have easily been avoided if our COO had listened to my concerns and been willing to pay a $75 fee to renew a particular license. Stupid, unfair and not worth the extra stress. I hate my job sometimes, but with inflation out of control don't feel I can change jobs, since all of the openings I've seen recently would mean a pay cut. Feel trapped.

I should act more...my experiences and responsibilities. Normal highly functional individuals have difficulties with those things, let alone someone highly disabled me, which is why people that don't know me at all and my troubles, say I've had it rough and it'd be difficult. I should curtail things, as I'm more mature than this, things happen or they don't, and what's known about me and what I want, I've communicated well enough (I've shown all that needs to be, my feelings, and I'll be here).

Lately, I’ve been realizing that I am starting to think better; likely a result of reducing stress and practicing more spirituality.

I learned that this phone only consumed about 300mb worth of data the whole month...


It won't reflect equally without a WIFI to latch onto on a daily basis.
And it doesn't reflect my habit either -- I abstain from opening videos and other sorts of downloads whenever it's on.

Can't waste an entire day's salary for this particular experiment.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.