What's the last weirdest dream you had?

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i had meself a by-god nightmare this time, i was having to go [piddle and poo] real bad, and i found myself in an executive techy's fancy restroom that had unenclosed [!] bidets and showers and fancy coin operated [!] toilets only i didn't know they were coin operated until i tried to use one and it locked up on me and i ended up peeing and crapping on top of it, but luckily nobody noticed but then i ended up back in my tin can out in the woods where there were these psychopathic yahoos camped out back of the place who kept harassing me- i could hear a rustling and faint conspiratorial conversation through the curtains out my back window when all of a sudden they would displace the window and one at a time enter my residence and harass me- luckily they were seemingly non-violent but they hacked into my phone lines and puter and messed things up so i could not call 911, when i tried i heard a messed-up robotic voice that was too faint for me to decipher, and it slowed down after a while just like a tape recorder with weak batteries, and when i looked up from the phone i saw one of the hoodlums with special tools on my phone line, so i said to him GOD DAMN IT! THAT DOES IT! and went into my closet to get my pistol and he followed me and i was barely able to get my pistol and chase him back out the window he crawled in through. another hood crawled in soon afterwards and i grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside, then the first hood came back in with a gun of his own and aimed it at me so i aimed and fired only my gun was empty so i pistol whipped him on the forehead, i saw the skin cleave on his forehead when i did so. i dragged his body out onto the porch which scared the bejeez out of the hoods. one of them, a female who resembled Joni Mitchell, exclaimed "OMG! he's gotta gun!" and collected the other hoods and ran away. outside on the porch a bunch of neighbors and migrant farm workers materialized on my property, and one of 'em said to me "you have to cross the [mile wide] field, a swamp, to get to the payphone to dial 911 and as he said that I saw the thugs hiding in a grove of trees on the edge of the property, so i told him "to hell with that! i can't leave my property and let these thugs get to it!" then i awoke. sheesh.

I love reading all these really bizarre/cool dreams...

Last night as I fell asleep, I had a semi-lucid dream. I was aware it was a dream but it felt so real and I had no control. I felt like if I tried to take control, it would disappear.
It was like I had woken up with my head hurting very badly, and I was on an old wooden cart being wheeled down a bumpy dirt path. There was an older woman, who looked kinda like the woman on the left in this pic but her hair was a bit wild and salt and peppered:


She was kinda round, not skinny but not weak looking, and she was very pleasant. A man, her husband, was pulling the cart, while their young child (boy or girl I don't know, maybe 4 yrs old?) followed behind. I don't know their names, but they seemed worried about me when I sat up. I felt so confused... To the left was a steep mountainside, basically sheer rock, and to the right was a field full of rows and rows of young plants. I had no idea where I was and it was hard to speak. For some reason I was speaking Icelandic and thinking in Icelandic, and I found it bizarre, and even weirder that I couldn't even think of any English words anymore. I had it in my head that my name was Helga, too, but it felt strange.

I asked them where we were, and the woman replied we were north of somewhere like Bergen (I don't remember the name, but I remember knowing somehow that it was in Norway). I asked them how they had come to be in Norway when they didn't look Norse, and the woman said her father had brought her family up from Greece when she was little and that was how she had learned the language. I was very fascinated by this. I then asked where they found me, and they said they found me with a wound to my head, lying on the side of the road, and that was probably why I couldn't remember anything.

They took the cart down this small path away from the main path and headed to a farmhouse where they lived. It was tiny and filthy, but had a very comfortable feel, as if I was home. As we sat down to eat, I felt my hands were too dirty and asked if they didn't wash before a meal, and they looked at me oddly. I shrugged and, trying to ignore my hands, ate the soup, which was really good. I had an afterthought that I shouldn't have eaten it because of my allergies...

After eating, I told them how grateful I was that they would take me in and that I didn't want to be a bother but I had nowhere to go, I couldn't remember anything, and then I broke down crying. The woman held me close and rocked me and I remember she felt very comfortable and warm, and smelled good, like smoke. Shortly after, we heard horses come riding up outside and I felt a sting of panic in my heart. The man mentioned it was probably the local lord looking for his payment and bemoaned the fact that they didn't have much to give him. I made up my mind that I would offer myself up as payment, because for some reason I knew slavery was a thing and they would accept me.

I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. I know the lord accepted me as payment, and he had a cruel laugh. He tied me to the horse, and I know the family wanted to tell him not to take me but they knew I had saved them and if they said anything, the men would burn their house... I think I woke up after that.

Edited to say I remembered a little more, but it was more dreamlike than lucid dreaming. That night the men I was with had made camp in a snowy forest (I don't know why we were so far from town but oh well) and they were loud and drunk sitting around the fire. They had me tied to a tree and made rude jokes at my expense. A large white tiger came in and started attacking the men while I struggled to get free. I managed to break the rope and grabbed a sword as the tiger came at me. It had long canines like a sabre tooth, but I held my ground and drove the sword up through its throat and into its brain. The weight of it almost crushed me. I woke up shortly after these other men appeared. I don't remember what they were or why they were there.

^^^
a past life remembrance?

everything was hallowed", saccharine in an ambient way. everything. i was on the 3rd floor of the social services building, which had no walls. it was overlooking the beach, the sand was white, a huge fat palm tree rising from the middle.
pixies, fairies and unicorns were in abundance.

kol sends me something, about wanting to catch up again (again), sending updated workplace info (pizza guru) and to meet her at her house at 7.

but 7 passed. she means tomorrow i bet.

i board lots of buses, going all around town and it is the same pixie scene.

IT WAS STILL SO REAL.
when in reality she has not seen a single message of mine since the 1st.

they seem real because they ARE real. they are your exposure to other dimensions of existence.

another version of reality, which i'm not existing in why?

if I knew the why, I'd be god.

the message contained a picture of her, bald and with the biggest dorkiest smile.

Quite horrifying. Was in a house with several people, who were picked off one-by-one by a ghost(?) after I found the first body. Don't remember most of the details, but it really messed me up. There were three people—two men and a woman—who must've been TV producers. They were in-the-know about the whole murder situation and had somehow coordinated it. I confronted them and they gave me a stupid answer as to why they were killing people. I think it just had to do with entertainment. Maybe they got their inspiration from The Hunger Games.

I believe I then woke up and had another dream. In that dream, I was still afraid of the ghost(s), and I remember the back of the refrigerator opening up into another room. I was in that room, and tried to get out by crawling back through the refrigerator, yet every time I tried, I was afraid and saw flashes of Kayako Saeki's face. I eventually gave up and went through the door.

Later in that/another dream, I saw a bunch of girls, one of which I knew, arriving at an estate. The estate was owned by Morgan Freeman (? XD), who apparently was planning to use the girls to work on his land, like servants; he was convincing another man that what he was doing was 'in the Constitution'.

Just outside the room, a small child with short brown hair was sitting at an oddly placed table overflowing with maps larger than herself. She appeared to be pouring over them, and I sensed that they had been given to her by her father (who couldn't have been her biological father, as she was very light-skinned). Two nannies found her, and one scolded her for having 'orange' on her face. They called her Mary, yet I kept seeing a different name attempt to form in front of me. It started with 'Tam', but it kept changing...I didn't see anything on her face, but before they ordered her to her room, I caught a glimpse of a picture she had been drawing; a house with yellow walls. Maybe she rubbed some of the yellow wax on her face and her nanny didn't know her colors? I don't know. Then I remember seeing two different rooms, though one of them somehow reminded me of the one-room cabin in the first dream, even though it was smaller, had pink walls, and featured a total of zero corpses and ghosts.

i dreamed i was taking a civics course. after the first day, the sister of the guy i had a crush on wanted to hang out. she brought food for lunch and i bought us dinner. she went home late in the evening. the next morning i woke up late for class. my car was missing, i thought my sister borrowed it, so when a friend of my dad from dad's drinking days pulled up, i asked him for a ride. he had a very high truck. after much pulling by him and pushing by me, i climbed in. when i got to school, i noticed that my clothes were dirty from the truck, the class was divided up, doing a mcok election. i was in the group whose candidate was campaigning for higher payments for folks on disability. i asked my candidate how he was going to pay for that. he said he didn't need to. when we were done presenting our platform there was a Q&A period. i suggested we pay for the increase by taxing the super-rich. i was heckled.

^^^
do you think the uncharitable influence of your local area [right wing neighbors] has anything to do with that dream?

Dream from a few nights ago:

I was in some kind of ski resort, just skiing everywhere. Not only on snow but also through mud and stuff. Even walking everywhere with skis on. I meet a coworker there, wo jokingly tells me he's going to quit his job. He also tells me goodbye as a joke, somehow we both know he's not serious. I give him a hug.
Then, I remember that a little girl is with me, and she depends on me. I feel like I should buy her something to eat. I tell her to sit in a room and wait for me, however it's not really a room, more a tiny space where she can just sit and it's below earth and dark. But in the dream that doesn't seem weird. So she waits for me there and I go buy her some chocolate. I buy it from a menu like you would have in a computer game. Then suddenly I feel hungry myself. I consider whether I should go buy some groceries. I notice that it is already quite late and try to find out online where the next open shop is. However I take so long that no shops are open anymore. I feel kind of bad about this because now I only have something boring to eat.

Second part was much darker. A gay couple, one of them was in some kind of torture prison, like Guantanamo? He was being waterboarded. I think he was supposed to tell them something about his lover, but he didn't. While being tortured he had a hallucination of his partner being there under the water with him. Can't remember the rest but I do believe it had a happy ending.