I'm bad to the biscuit, buddy!
At least I'm not covered in animal excrement. You ain't fooling anyone with that picture. 
_________________
It is easy to go down into Hell;
Night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide;
But to climb back again, to retrace one's steps to the upper air –
There's the rub, the task.
– Virgil, The Aeneid (Book VI)