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Because no one wants to watch things that don't move.

When is the next train to Jupiter?

The next train from Miami to Jupiter, FL leaves at 6:30 AM from platform 6 3/8. You're allowed to bring one of three pets; an alligator, a watersnake, or a snapping turtle. And one banjo.

Why is Australia full of creepier than usual spiders?

It's the water. The southern hemisphere has a thing where all the water molecules are upside down. The react differently with living things, but only spiders show it.

Why do some celebrities wear outfits to award events that don't resemble the clothes anyone else wears, including I imaging, when they are just at home, tossing award statues in the garbage?

(edited so it sort of makes sense.)
Why do some celebrities wear outfits to award events that don't resemble the clothes anyone else wears, including when they are just at home, tossing award statues in the garbage?

Actually, they dress just like the rest of us but they use a different kind of lighting that makes their clothes look different.

Obviously, they use lights that displays spots on everything. What color spots do they choose for different purposes, and why?

Eleventy

How can you tell when a forum has been edited? Eleventy!

If you bought part of Mars, what would you do with it?

This is so tricky. Either I would eat it, or I would travel to the site of the Luner Lander.
Or possibly eleventy.

A guy had a dollar bill, and he asked for change. He received four quarters.
A guy had a quarter, and he asked for change. He received five nickels.
A guy had a nickel and he asked for change. He received five pennies.
How much money is there in exchanged change?

<sup>Eleventy?

What will that get you in a Mars Bar?</sup>

IDK, but Elon Musk will probably be involved in it somehow.

How long does it take the average person to learn how to play a chandelier?

Ten minutes, if it is properly tuned.

I forget. Who played Luke Skywaker?

Paulie Shore.

Why can't we call ducks, geese, and swans Water Chickens?

Because they have tiny brains and are all insulted by the notion they are afraid of water!
Geese will squawk obscenities.
Swans will roll their eyes and possibly spit at you when your back is turned. The monarchy owns them, you know.
Ducks will pull a blade and cut you BAD. Intensive care bad! Ducks can be suck punks. Especially Donald.

The metric system. Seems like a good idea. Why can't U.S. citizens, the greatest citizens of all time in the U.S., seem to adapt to the metric system? MMGA for once.

It's a matter of national pride inspired by George Washington's famous declaration of "The metric system over my dead body!".

What's the difference between Washington, D.C. and Walla Walla, Washington?

Washington, D.C. is a place where politicians have one of two points of view and never seem to change.

Walla Walla, Washington, as he appears in the Washington, D.C. phonebook, or as his ex-wife knows him Washington Walla Walla. The man who claimed to own the URL prefix WWW. She also knows him as a swarmy politician who own stock in several porn sites, and an online business specializing in bacon bits. (different sizes, different quantities) They are currently divorced with irreconcilable differences. She goes one way. He goes the other. Perfect for Washington, D.C.

Why birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?

Because I command them to attack people who piss me off. Alfred Hitchcock would be proud.

What would make Stanley Kubrick proud?